2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There is such a widespread life model - the ban on joy.
For example: in order not to cry, it is better not to rejoice. In order not to break off, it is better not to want at all. If everything is "too good," then something bad is about to happen. ⠀ As a result, a person sets a certain limit on happiness, beyond which reckoning is expected. Moreover, the amount of joy received is incommensurably greater. ⠀ Often, such a life model is based on internal traumatic experiences that crystallize into persistent beliefs about oneself as someone with whom something is wrong; others who are unreliable and dangerous; about a world in which everything is in short supply. ⠀ This model is in the focus of attention and receives confirmation in various life situations, which are seen only in the part where the model finds evidence of its veracity. It involves other participants who help to “prove” its performance. If there are no third-party "punishers", the person will torment himself with reproaches, which will unconsciously prevent him from getting what he wants. The emergence of such a life pattern is often the result of childhood relationship trauma. ⠀ To create a safe, supportive relationship - a basic need for a child, a vital necessity that gives the feeling that everything is fine with him, he is protected. If the need for secure attachment is not met, he experiences emotional trauma. Parents could leave him for a long time or demonstrate ambivalent (contradictory) experiences that the egocentric child's psyche always associates with itself. ⠀ Strong parenting experiences fall on the head of a toddler who wants to love his parents with all his heart and at the same time experiences unbearable discomfort from constant rejection. It is especially difficult when, in an instant, from a loving, caring parent, an adult turns into an angry, shameful or depressed one who can beat, humiliate, neglect. When a baby from a warm paradise enters a living hell and the process cannot be foreseen, guessed and controlled, the psyche will take protective measures that will be a kind of self-preservation, a pathological decision, such as: "It is better not to be enchanted, so as not to be disappointed later." Or: "Now everything is fine, but it will surely be bad soon." Or: "I will take care of your feelings, I will be invisible, so that" God forbid anything. " As adults, such people do not allow the good of self-defense into their lives. The psyche is trained to be a model: good is followed by bad, joy must be paid for with tears, love is followed by rejection. ⠀ Every time the life pattern repeats, the beliefs in this grow stronger, and unexpressed emotions look for situations that are as close as possible to those that were not lived in childhood. ⠀ The drama repeats itself, beliefs grow stronger, the life model reproduces itself. What was required to prove … Or maybe it's time to refute? Can I admit that it could be different? Or suggest that there is something in your life that needs reappraisal? Take a closer look at your life model and see how much it limits happiness? I am not an idealist and I am aware of how long and difficult this process is. But any long journey begins with a small step - a decision that joy is not exchanged for suffering, love for rejection, abundance for loss.
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