2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
After my article "How to Distinguish Love from Attachment" I promised to tell, but how to get rid of her, from this very attachment. Or any other problem. I would venture to suggest you a way.
STEP 1. I accept what I have. To accept is to accept. Without acceptance, nothing will come of it, a bright future will not come. Accept means admit, agree that you have this problem … If you do not accept the current situation, nothing will change.
Nor will any struggle help.
Example. It is raining outside. No matter how I convince myself of the opposite, no matter what actions I take, the heavenly abyss will not close, and I will get wet, leaving without an umbrella. Or: water boils at 100 degrees. Proven by Celsius. Yes, even if I sit on the stove, sooner or later it will not boil! This is reality, I acknowledge it and accept it.
The same approach is appropriate for other phenomena: I live with an alcoholic (despot, autocrat, owner, miser, slobber, squishy - the list goes on), because it is:
✓ I feel better against him.
✓ I can talk about it with someone.
✓ I love to humiliate him.
✓ I can live separately from my parents.
✓ Everyone feels sorry for me, and I like it.
✓ When he gets drunk, he gives all the money to me.
✓ When he is not drinking, he feels guilty and again gives all the money.
✓ I can control it
✓ Another man won't love me, etc.
Step 2. I make a choice. Only a CONSCIOUS choice. You need to understand that in any case, you will lose something. Therefore, sort out each choice according to your losses and possibilities.
Example
You choose an alcoholic. All of the above advantages remain with you, but at the same time you KNOWLY agree live in scandals, fights, violent brawls, constant anxiety and material difficulties.
You are leaving him. No, it's better - kick him out, kick him out.
What are you getting?
✓ Calm atmosphere in the house.
✓ Lack of drinking companions of the faithful.
✓ Life without self-harm.
✓ The right to dispose of your funds.
✓ The joy of returning home.
✓ Time you can spend on yourself.
✓ The likelihood of meeting a cool man.
Your losses:
✓ You won't be able to tell your friend another heartbreaking story.
✓ You don't need to feel sorry for you.
✓ No need for scary revenge fantasies.
✓ You need to come to work on time, because no one arranges a showdown in the morning due to the lack of brine.
✓ Torment and suffering. This is perhaps the most serious loss: over the years you have become accustomed to them and do not know how to live differently.
✓ Pedestal. They don't ask you how you survive with your idiot, they don't admire your dedication, they don't emphasize every time how good you are and why you got such a nerd.
✓ You become like everyone else. And even without a husband.
Are you ready for your new life? Then we drove on.
STEP 3. I make a decision.
It is important to realize here that this choice is YOUR, whatever it was, even if it coincided with the advice of Uncle Vasya. Uncle Vasya can say any nonsense, but you make the decision YOU. No one can force it into your head. It is YOU who first think about what to do, and then do the act. But only YOU answer for what happens to you next: whether you fly up to the heavens or fall even lower into the abyss.
Based on the above, we do
STEP 4. I accept responsibility.
AXIOM
You are responsible for your feelings. For thoughts. For action. For the joy of bliss and fireworks of the brightest emotions. For suffering and torment that tears your soul, crushes, mangles, breaks, crushes with an asphalt roller, turns into a piece of jelly.
If you realize that all the responsibility for what happens to you lies only with you, you will not have to waste your time looking for the guilty, repeat a thousand times and simulate the game in "If …"
STEP 5. I'm acting!
I do everything that allows me to feel the joy of life in accordance with my choice.
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