2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Author: Sergey Smirnov
If you know what personal boundaries are and have wondered "how to learn to hold them", then this note will be useful to you.
The ability to build and maintain personal boundaries is the key to healthy relationships that are free from codependency. This is the path to real, authentic intimacy. A necessary condition for it. This is a basic skill. And building boundaries is what, in fact, psychologists teach their clients if they come with inquiries about relationships. And not about relationships, either. In general, this is the basis of the foundations of a harmonious personality.
Great questions to help you build and maintain boundaries when communicating with other people.
What do I want?
How do I see the situation?
What do I like about the situation?
What do I dislike about the situation?
How do I feel about this situation?
What can I do in this situation (in principle, opportunities)?
What do I choose to do in this situation?
If you start replacing the pronoun "I" in these questions with some other, then you automatically violate the boundaries. You are either trying to adjust to your own fantasies about the Other, or you are trying to control him, or you are anxious. Basically, it's all the same thing, by the way.
Your boundaries are what you are responsible for. Your feelings, thoughts, visions, desires, decisions.
Take care of yourself, not Others. You cannot do other things. Just forget about it. It is not available to you. You are simply immersed in illusion. All that is available to you is only yourself.
Guesses, attempts to control and get into someone else's head lead to unhealthy relationships, empty conflicts and codependencies. Do not do like this.
What if I want the Other to do something
Wrong answer: you need to understand why he does not do it, hint, direct his thought.
The correct answer is to ask.
What if I want the Other to stop doing something
see above.
How can I let him know that I don't like the situation?
Wrong answer: change his behavior so that he thinks about what he is doing wrong.
Correct answer: say
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