2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A child was born in a family … It so happens that this very child becomes a "function" in the context of marital relations, that is, those who support these relations (from the very first days). There can be many "functions" of a child in a family, today I would like to dwell on such a function as the joint sleep of the mother and the child in the same bed.
The mother begins to shift the child to her bed, first to feed, then just lie down during the day, then she completely sleeps with him at night. The husband, as a rule, moves to another room or is forced to endure this neighborhood.
Which mothers do this and what actually happens in relationships?
There is a certain type of mother - anxious. They worry about their child, constantly monitor his every action, every reaction, and are afraid to let go of this control (no matter what happens). And sometimes they completely panic. It doesn't matter, the first is the child, the second, the third … Such a mother will always have anxiety for EACH child. In order to somehow cope with her anxiety, she begins to be with this child not only during the day, but also at night … in the same bed. This gives her a sense of security that she so lacks. When the husband returns to bed with his beloved, the woman can replace the joint sleep with prolonged breastfeeding. As a rule, anxious mothers breastfeed their babies until 2, 3, or even 4 years old, maintaining this “effect of being” with the baby.
The "function" of the child in this situation may also be related to the mother's overcontrol … when the husband is absent.
For example, I went on a business trip. The child becomes a substituted object of control. The mother has anxiety about the absence of her husband, which she transfers to her child. And since the husband is not around and she cannot control him, this control is transferred to the child … and into a joint sleep, respectively.
A mother may be aggressive towards her husband and, as a result, sleep with her child in the same bed, showing signs of power in the family. In this family, it is SHE who decides who she will sleep with. The reasons for aggression can be many, from the usual dissatisfaction with the husband and the relationship in general to emotional violence from the husband in the family, whom she fears and, as a result, suppresses not only fear to him, but also aggression, which is his reverse side.
And the last reason that takes place in this situation is the imposition of a ban on intimate relations with her husband. A woman does not refuse her husband outright, but finds a "permissible" method that she uses every night. It would seem that there is nothing to find fault with: I follow the child, worry about him, even sleep with him, because I worry how good I am, but in fact, there is a lot of resistance and unwillingness to be with my husband, want him, deal with love to him. There are difficulties in family relationships.
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