2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One great wisdom is found in the parable of the empty boat:
The young farmer was very tired steering his boat up the river. He swam against the current to deliver his goods to the village. It was very hot and he wanted to deliver everything and be back home before the sun went down. Looking ahead, the farmer saw another boat approaching his boat very quickly as it was drifting with the current. He began paddling with all his might to get out of the way, but that didn't help.
Then he shouted: Change direction! We will collide! But it’s all in vain. The ship banged loudly against his boat. He shouted furiously: “Fool! How could they bump into my boat in the middle of such a wide river !?”. Having examined the boat in search of a careless rower, the farmer realized that there was no one there. He was yelling at the empty boat, torn away from the dock, which was drifting with the current.
When we think that another person is at the helm, we behave in the same way. We can blame this indifferent fool for our troubles. Through such a reproach, we get angry, freak out, and play the victim. But we behave differently when we find out that the boat is empty. After all, without having the extreme at hand, we can no longer behave like that. This will be followed by reconciliation with the fact that our embarrassment was the result of a blind will of chance. Alternatively, we can laugh at the absurdity of a random empty boat hitting ours in such wide waters.
Moral: there is never anyone in the other boat. We always yell at an empty boat. The empty boat is not aimed at us. Like all those people who add bitter notes to the song of our day:
- A colleague who always interrupts you in meetings. He thinks that he is smarter than everyone, and not just than you. Empty boat.
- The impudent driver who cut you off while driving the robot. He always does this, on any road. He drives like that. An empty car.
- An employee of a government agency who denied you the case you need through a typo in the document. He sees the documents and procedures, not you. Empty table.
- A cashier in a hypermarket, serving a slow line in which you stand. It is unlikely that she does this on purpose, and certainly not in order to annoy you. Another "empty boat".
To be angry with people because they are as they are is as “wise” as to be offended by a tree because it is a tree. A tree cannot but be a tree, and so are most of the people we encounter. If a person annoys you, you don't need to love, agree with, or respect them. Just accept him as he is.
People disappoint us or disagree with us when it is in their interests, and not because they have a desire to do us dirty tricks. The same situation is with people who annoy or anger us. They do this because they are, not because something is wrong with you.
Time spent on situations in which we cannot do our bit for improvement is time stolen from situations in which we can. But a wide river (the environment in which we find ourselves) can provide us with many empty boats (the temptation to enter into unnecessary conflict). And we can do something about it - do nothing.
The article appeared thanks to the work of Marshal Goldsmitt.
Dmitry Dudalov
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