Ways Of Living With Negative Emotions

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Emotions live only through the body - analysis by the brain gives nothing. Because they live in the body, and through the body they go out. If you think and analyze, then I understand everything with my head, but still enrages

For example, you have a difficult relationship with your mom. And if you just let off steam and scream into the pillow, without changing anything in your attitude towards your mother, then this is pointless. This is the same as taking pain relievers for a toothache and not going to the doctor. Teeth need to be treated, right? And the relationship needs to be healed. This is primary. We will talk most of all about anger, because it is not clear what to do with it and what to do with it. And one way or another, in any complex interweaving of emotions, there is a lot of anger. The way out of many difficult states, such as feelings of guilt and resentment, occurs through anger. And by refusing to live it, we cannot go further.

But I ask you to separate anger as a momentary emotion, which naturally appears when something does not happen the way you wanted (this is the nature of anger), and anger as a character trait, that is, anger. It is okay to feel anger sometimes, if you do not press it, but live it safely. To be in a claim to the world, when you want to control everything and everywhere, and when this does not happen - to be angry all the time - this is already abnormal. How abnormal and not be able to control it.

Controlling anger doesn't mean not feeling it or suppressing it.

The control is to let off steam in ways that are safe for everyone, leaving nothing in yourself and not dumping anything on others. Imagine that anger is a natural waste of the body, just like overcooked food. What happens if you consider this case "dirty" and stop going to the toilet? Forbid yourself to do this? What will be the outcome? Maybe our task is to create such a "toilet" for emotions - a place where we calmly and safely do something without harming anyone?

And I ask you very much to avoid premature spirituality in emotions. This is when it boils and hurts inside, and we press it all from above with the word "no" and delve into the reasons. Most often, this is how we treat other people's feelings, they say, I'll tell you now why you flew in by karma! Reasons are sought after the emotion has been released. It will be much easier for you to see all this with a sober head. Live first. Or let the person live, help him in this.

Now let's get started. I want to divide the ways of living emotions into constructive and destructive. Those that are harmless and those that hurt someone.

Destructive ways:

Pour on other people, especially those who "passed by."

At work, the boss took it out, but he couldn't express it in his face, so we come home - and it hits a cat, who has turned up under the arm, that is, under his leg, or a child who again brought a troika. Sound familiar? And it seems that you will break through and it will become easier, but then there is a feeling of guilt - after all, the cat or the child has nothing to do with it.

Rudeness

In the same situation, when the boss was infuriated, but the anger remained inside, you can not take this bomb home, knowing that it will explode there. And pour out your anger on the saleswoman who works slowly and makes a mistake, on those who stepped on your foot or crossed the road, and at the same time on those who are very annoying with a happy face. And also of little use. Even if there is no feeling of guilt, the negative emotions of another person, on whom all this is poured, will surely return to us one day. Again. That's how they walk back and forth, while we are rude to each other.

Internet trolling

This method seems safer and more unpunished. An anonymous page without an avatar, even if with an avatar, they won't find and beat them for sure. Brought out the boss - you can go to someone's page and write nasty things - they say, that's how ugly! Or write nonsense! Or provoke some kind of argument on a complex topic, pouring mud on opponents, poking them with a needle in different places to hurt. But the law of karma also works here, even if the laws of the state are not everywhere yet.

Eat sweets

Another way that we, by the way, often see in films. When the heroine is abandoned by her beloved or cheated on her, what does she do? I have this picture in front of my eyes: a crying girl in bed watching a movie and eating a huge jar of ice cream. The harm of such an event, I think, is clear to many.

Swear

Another way may look like this: you got nasty, and you are rude in return. My husband came yelling at you - and you are yelling at him too. You seem to be honest. The person is the cause of your negative feelings, they urgently need to be expressed. But by doing so, you only fan the fire, intensify the conflict, and nothing good comes of it. A quarrel always takes out all our strength, including all hidden reserves, and after it we remain devastated and unhappy. Even if the argument is won.

Beat someone

Again - children, dogs, husband, boss (well, you never know). Any person who is the cause of your anger or just came to hand. Corporal punishment for children during a parent's emotional breakdown is very traumatic. They provoke in the child both a feeling of humiliation and a reciprocal hatred that he cannot express in any way. If you hit your husband, you can get change, which, unfortunately, is not uncommon. And I have seen statistics that about half of women who have suffered from domestic violence started a fight first, not expecting that a man can fight back. This does not justify men, but it does not honor women either.

Suppress

There is a belief that anger is bad. The more religious a woman is, the more she suppresses anger. She pretends that nothing drives her out of herself, smiles tightly at everyone, and so on. Further, anger has two ways out - to explode in a safe place (again at home, on relatives) - and this she will not be able to control. And the second option is to hit her health and body. It seems to me no coincidence that today so many people are dying from cancer, this is a disease of unlived emotions, as many psychologists have repeatedly written about.

Smashing dishes and breaking things

On the one hand, the method is constructive. Better to break a plate than hit a child. And you can probably use it sometimes. But if we destroy some things on our way, then we need to understand that then all this will need to be restored. My husband once destroyed his laptop in a rage. It was a terrible sight, and then I had to buy a new computer. It is costly, and therefore less constructive than we would like.

Slam the door

It seems to me that this method is sweet to many teenagers. And I remember myself like that, and I already see children like that in places. In principle, not the worst way. Only once I slammed the door so hard that glass broke in it. And so nothing special.

Beat with words

You don't always need hands to hit a person. We women are good at doing it with words. Poke pain points, sore, pin up - and then pretend that we are not to blame and nothing to do with. The more various dirt within us, the more sharp and sarcastic our tongue is. I remember myself, before, when I didn't know where to put my feelings, I constantly teased everyone. Many called me "an ulcer", I could not restrain myself. I thought it was funny.

The more I learn to experience feelings, the softer my speech becomes. And the less it has any kind of "hairpins". Because nothing good and it does not give anyone. For a couple of minutes, you can feed your ego and at the same time destroy relationships and earn karmic reactions.

Revenge

Often, in a fit of anger, it seems that if we take revenge and wash away the shame with the help of the enemy's blood, it will become easier for us. I know that some women during a quarrel with her husband to spite him have sex with someone, for example. This is a blissful option, which many consider acceptable, especially if the husband has cheated. But what is the bottom line? Revenge only aggravates the conflict and increases the distance between us. Revenge is different - subtle and rough. But there is no benefit from any of them. Nobody.

Sex

Not the best way to discharge, although it is physical. Because sex is still an opportunity to show love for each other, and not use each other as exercise machines. Our mood during intimacy greatly affects our relationship in general. And casual contacts with just anyone, for relaxation, are not only not useful, but also harmful.

Shopping

Women often go to the store in frustration. And they buy a lot of unnecessary things there. Sometimes they even deliberately spend more money than necessary in order to take revenge, for example, on their husband. But it turns out that at this time we are given the resources that are given to us for good deeds - that is, money - we let go at random and try to harm another with their help. What will be the result? Resources will run out. And what they were spent on will never be useful. The dress that you bought in anger will absorb your condition and make it difficult for you to wear it.

The list turned out to be impressive, not entirely joyful, but nevertheless, more often than not, this is exactly what we do. Because we do not have a culture of dealing with feelings. We were not taught this, they never talk about it anywhere - they only ask us to remove our feelings from the field of vision. And that's all.

Constructive ways of experiencing emotions:

But I recommend that you try these methods. And find the ones that you like and help. Maybe you will alternate them, maybe you will find some of your own. This is great anyway!

Let the feelings be

Sometimes - and by the way, very often, for the feeling to live, it is enough to see it, call it by its name and accept it. That is, in a moment of anger, say to yourself: “Yes, I'm very angry now. And that's okay. " It is very difficult for all those who have been explained that it is not normal (because it is inconvenient for others). It’s hard to admit that you’re angry right now, even though it’s written on your face. It is difficult to say that this also happens. Sometimes it is difficult to understand, but what kind of feeling is this? I remember in the constellations a girl whose nodules were shaking, her hands strained into fists, and she called her feelings "sadness." Learning to understand how it feels is a matter of practice and time. For example, you can watch yourself. At critical moments, look in the mirror to understand what is on your face, follow the signs of the body, observe the tension in the body and the signals in it.

Stomp

In traditional Indian dances, a woman stomps a lot, it is not so noticeable, because she dances barefoot. But in this way, through energetic movements from the body to the ground, all tension goes away. We often laugh at Indian films, where from any event - good or bad - they dance, but there is a special truth in this. To live any feelings through the body. Let the anger run through you as you vigorously release it through energetic tides. By the way, there are also many such movements in Russian folk dances.

It is not necessary to go to the dancing section right now (although why not?). Try to close your eyes and, feeling an emotion in your body, with the help of stompers, “give” it to the ground. Of course, it is best to stomp while standing on the ground, and not on the tenth floor of a high-rise building. It's even better if you can do it barefoot on grass or sand. You will physically feel how much easier it becomes.

And don't think about what it looks like. Ideal, of course, if no one sees or distracts you. But if there is no such place, close your eyes and stomp.

Shout

Some trainings practice a form of cleansing such as screaming. When we shout to the floor, with a partner who helps us, we can also shout into the pillow and in any other way. Some important word is usually shouted. For example, "Yes" or "No" - if it suits your emotion. You can just shout "Aaaaa!" Take a deep breath and then open your mouth and empty your heart in this way. So several times, until you feel emptiness inside.

Sometimes before that they do some kind of "pumping" - at first they breathe very, very quickly, exclusively through the nose.

There are weaknesses in this technique. For example, neighbors and household. The scream is very loud. And if you cannot relax and not worry, then it will not heal. The scream must come from a relaxed throat, otherwise you may seriously lose your voice. The first time it is better to try this somewhere with experienced people, then the effect will be greater.

Speak out

The feminine way. For any feeling to live, we really need to talk about it, tell someone. About how the boss offended, and someone called on the bus. Not so much even to get support (which is also nice), but to pour it out of yourself. Approximately because of these people go to psychologists to get everything that eats away at their heart from there. One friend, who has been working as a psychologist for a very long time, once shared that one simple way helps most of her clients. She listens to them, asks questions so that they describe the situation as voluminously as possible, and that's it. Doesn't give any recipes, tips. Just listening. And often at the end of a conversation, a person has a solution. It goes by itself. It was as if the veil of anger that had covered his eyes had been removed, and he saw the way.

Women do the same with each other, speaking out. There are only two points here. You cannot tell anyone about your family life - about the problems in it. Otherwise, these problems can be exacerbated. And if they tell you something, you should not give advice. Just listen. It is possible, by the way, to organize such a circle in which women share all their emotions - and then somehow symbolically say goodbye to them (which is often done in women's groups).

Be careful not to dump all your emotions on your husband. He just can't stand it. If you talk to your friends, get their consent first. And do not forget to share the good too (otherwise a friend may feel like a "toilet bowl", which is needed only to drain negative emotions). It's great if you can cry to mom or dad, if you have a mentor who listens to you, or a husband who is willing to do it.

Sport

Sport is very popular now, and this is great, because in the gym we work with the body, which means, again, emotions come out. During any load on the body. Running, aerobics, stretching.

Notice how difficult it is for you during exercise. And how good and calm after. Therefore, it is worth choosing your own version of the load - and not skipping it. Even as a preventive measure.

Massage

Any of our blocks and clamps in the body are unlived emotions. Of course, I'm not talking about light strokes, but about deep work with the body, with a forceful effect. A high-quality massage, kneading these points, helps us to cope with emotions. In this place, the main thing - as in childbirth - is to open up pain. They push you somewhere, you feel pain - breathe and relax towards the pain. Tears may also flow from the eyes - this is normal.

A good massage therapist will immediately see your weak points - and he knows exactly where and how you need to press in order to remove the clamp. But often it hurts so much that we stop it - and don't go further. Then massage becomes a pleasant relaxation procedure, but does not help to relieve emotions.

Respiratory gymnastics

Any emotion is experienced through the body. Did you already, huh? So one of the most important elements in this is breathing. Sometimes you can just breathe in an emotion (but it's difficult for us). Therefore, try different breathing exercises - pranayama, body flex and healing options. In addition to the release of emotions and relaxation of the body, you will also get a healing effect, which is also good, right?

Beat the pillow

When you are up to date, sometimes you want to hit someone. A husband, for example, or a child to spank. Try at this moment to switch to a pillow - and beat it from the heart. The main thing is not to sleep on such a pillow - let it be your sports equipment, which lies separately. You can cry into it. Or you can get yourself a punching bag and gloves. Also an option, however, it requires free space at home.

Hit the sofa with a rolled-up towel

This method is for you if you want to blow off some steam. The task is simple. 15 minutes of privacy with a sofa or armchair. It's ideal to be alone at this time.

Pounding on the water

The same can be done with water. Water picks up women's emotions very well. It can be anything - you can pound on water in a river, lake, ocean. Or even in the bathtub, the main thing is not to flood the neighbors. The method is not always suitable for everyone, but it's worth a try. The sea or the ocean, for example, are great at taking away all that is superfluous. After that, you can still lie on the surface with an "asterisk" so that the salt pulls out all unnecessary things from your head.

Amusement park

Do you know why all these "roller coasters" are needed? For the release of negative emotions. Scream, scream, fear, strain and relax. You can shout there, no one will forbid, you can shout strongly, no one will condemn. A great opportunity to “blow off steam”, which is what adult aunts and uncles do there. A water park with scary slides and any other place of a similar plan is also suitable here. The main thing is not to overdo it - adrenaline affects female hormones too.

Mandalas

Any handicraft is therapeutic. And each in its own way. There is such a technique as weaving mandalas from threads on a frame made of sticks. Mandalas can be of different diameters, different branches. But when you weave it, you must put something inside. You can weave them on a cherished desire and think about it at this time. Or you can weave your negative emotions by intuitively choosing colors (with your eyes closed). Why mandalas? They are made relatively quickly - you can make a large enough one in an hour. It is not difficult, even I have mastered it and have been doing it for a long time. It is in terms of working with emotions that they are very helpful. Because after such an interweaving of your pain into the mandala, it must be burned. Checked. It gets easier. And emotions go out through the body - in this case, the hands. There are many videos on the Internet about the technique, I especially recommend the lessons of Anya Fenina (Zhukova), my friend and the most experienced in weaving.

Any other handicraft

In addition to mandalas, there are many options - for example, felting from wool, when you need to pierce a picture with a needle many, many times (and at this time thinking about what is very annoying - just kidding, of course). Or cutting with a jigsaw. Or embroidery - with threads or beads. The main thing is that your hands participate in this, so that this energy comes out through them (that is, needlework with intense movements is better suited), and then, unfortunately, the masterpieces themselves will need to be destroyed. After all, they absorb our mood during their creation.

Sing

Through singing, we can also release pain and anger from the heart. The songs can be different, the music too. You have probably noticed that when it is very difficult, you so want to include some sentimental composition and sing along to it! So do not deny yourself this. Sing even if you are not very singing. Sing with your heart, not with your voice, sing not so that it is pleasant to listen to you, but in order to let the emotions come out.

Cry

A very feminine way that we sometimes use, but often underestimate. When we are angry, what do we do? Most of the time we shout. But when we scream, we cannot cry. And tears are a female version of burning negative karma, by the way. Especially if the tears are hot - this means that they boil with emotions, and with them a lot of things come out. You can help yourself with this. So right off the bat to sit down and cry is difficult, especially if bursting with anger. But you can put on some kind of film, some kind of song, get some things. Activate emotion and transform it into tears. Anger very effectively comes out with tears - it has been tested on oneself, however, in this case it is very difficult to start crying (but then not to stop).

Cry in the temple

The most effective way for me personally to experience all the emotions is to come to the temple. Sit there in the corner and cry in prayer. Holy people in temples cry from separation from God. And we can cry on his chest about our material difficulties, which is also good.

I remember how hard it was once to live the fact that my father is not and never will be. The fact was realized, and emotions were blocked. And I remember how I came to church on his birthday, that year he was supposed to be 50 years old. I came to pray for him, and suddenly I burst out. I stood and sobbed, it's good that no one was around. Tears flowed in streams. And only then my grandfather asked me what had happened, for half an hour I sobbed. I tell him: "My dad died." He nodded in understanding. “Seventeen years ago,” I added. “Why have you been carrying this around in yourself for so many years, dear,” said grandfather, tapped on the back and walked on. And I wondered - and the truth is, what am I. It was at that moment that I felt a lot better. Until now, in the most difficult situation, I go to church, sit in a corner, cover my face and quietly pray and cry. Helps a lot.

Write letters of grievances

I have already described letters of grievances several times in different articles. They have a structure according to which you write them. For each specific person or situation, by hand, they pass sequentially through anger, resentment, pain, fear, disappointment, regret, sadness, gratitude, forgiveness and up to love. They can end in different ways - if you do not want to have a relationship with a person in the future, you end with the words "I let you go", but if this is a person who is important to you, then the final phrase is "I love you." And it always begins with the words "Dear (person's name)". These are the rules of writing.

Radical Forgiveness Questionnaire

There is such a sensational book that helps many to cope with their emotions. There is a questionnaire in the book that you need to fill out every time when emotions are piling up that are difficult to cope with. Yes, it takes work, a lot of writing, but it works. The good thing about the questionnaire is that you have clear questions on which you go, it is as if you are being led by the hand, and it is much easier for you to get to the point.

Wash the dishes

Try to take offense at someone and start washing the dishes. Or the floor. Or polish the sink to a shine. In this way, we experience emotions through the body and wash away the dirt from our heart. Sometimes the dishes may suffer a little at the same time, but the overall total effect will be higher - feelings lived safely and clean dishes. I know many who deal with feelings just like that.

Transformation into laughter

It does not always work, not with all emotions. But in some insignificant situations like everyday irritation due to nonsense - that's it. Bring the situation to the point of absurdity in your head and laugh happily at it. Find something funny in the way you strain over little things, or laugh at something else, make a funny face, thereby extinguishing a family quarrel. Etc. Get creative! Laughter is healing, breathing during laughter is similar to sobbing. But you must admit that it is more pleasant and safer. And the tension goes away.

Throw away the trash

As therapeutic as dishwashing. And it's also useful. Cleansing on a physical level helps to cleanse emotionally as well. I remember one girl who could not get away from divorce for a long time. All of her did not let go of the past. Of course, because her wedding dress had been hanging in her closet all this time! And a symbolic farewell helped her. She not only removed him, but brutally destroyed (this is the extreme form of a woman brought to the handle). And she immediately felt better.

Junk may or may not be related to your situation, it just helps you clear the space and breathe easier. And by the way, it's easier to do it on emotions, there is less doubt.

Doing meditation

There are many different meditations and options. I like one of them. When I am covered with my head, I sit down in Turkish on the floor, or better - on the ground. Ideal if you are now warm and you can sit on the ground. Close your eyes and imagine how long and strong roots go from your fifth point to the ground. After you feel this connection with the earth by that very fifth point, begin to imagine how emotions are collected from all parts of your body and through these roots go into the earth, into its depths. Collect them in your head, in your heart, in those places where there are clamps and problems. And let go. And breathe deeply. Checked, it becomes much easier.

Just breathe

Honestly, the most difficult method. But working. When emotion boils inside you - you just sit on a chair, close your eyes - and breathe. Opening up internally to meet your emotion (as in childbirth), go towards it. And breathe. Breathe deeply and deeply. It usually takes 5 to 20 minutes for an emotion to live. But it will be difficult. Of course, you will want to get up, run away, slam the door, break a plate, but just try to breathe while sitting in one place. If you are used to running away from pain, then you should definitely try this method.

To break dishes

This method was already in the destructive ones, and I want to add it to the constructive ones. Why? Because it is better to break dishes than people. And if this is a controlled act of release of emotions, then why not? You can, by the way, have special plates that do not break into thousands of fragments and are not a pity. It helps someone, and that's great.

Talk to tree

It is important for a woman to speak out emotions. And if there is no one to listen to? Or is there something that you can't tell anyone? Then trees will come to the rescue. The main thing is to find "your own" - the tree with which it will be easier and more pleasant for you to communicate. Maybe it will be a birch, or maybe a pine. No matter. Any tree with which you personally feel good and pleasant. You hug him softly and talk-talk-talk until you feel relief.

Dance

This is also a bodily version of the release of emotions. Especially if the dance is spontaneous and alone (so as not to be afraid of evaluating your movements). If the emotion is very violent, you can turn on some wild drums and heartily “kick up” under them with your whole body, completely releasing all its parts into independent swimming. Try it, especially paying attention to those parts of your body that are especially tight (you can dance, for example, only with your shoulders, only with your hips, only with your head).

Confession

Another option to "speak out" when it seems like there is no one. That is why there are temples, and in different traditions there is a concept of confession. When you come and open your soul. You can do it formally, they say, sinful, let go of sins. Or you can do it from the heart - come and open your pain. Fearfully? Therefore, sometimes the priest sits behind the curtain, so that he would not be ashamed. Confession and communion are very cleansing procedures for Christians. Cleansing from everything.

Prayer

Versatile. For any religion. If you want to experience emotions, start praying. And breathe, pray, let the emotions come out. Through tears, body tremors, hand movements, words. Prayer heals everything. And it's free. It cleanses the soul and brings good to life. The most underrated way, by the way.

Of course, the list is incomplete. Surely you have your own ways in your piggy bank that you use - you can share with us, and we will add them to the general list, suddenly it will help someone too (I don’t promise to add everything, we will look along the way). But the fact that there are many ways, and much more constructive than destructive, is a fact. Out of our laziness and ignorance, we most often use a couple of those that are familiar to us and are not always useful. Maybe it's time to expand the repertoire and gradually get to know your feelings, learn to interact?

And another very important point.

After any outburst of negative emotion, it is important to fill the vacant space with light. That is, for example, to wish everyone happiness, to pray, to talk about good things. So that the heart, cleansed of dirt, is filled with something good. And then the place is empty for a short time, and it can itself be filled again, do not understand what.

And let me remind you once again that these are just ways to let off steam, relieve tension, and experience emotion. But if you need to change your behavior and something in your life, it will only help for a while. And then everything will return to normal. Therefore, it is worth doing prevention as well - for example, learning to refuse, maintain your integrity, cultivate a sense of your own worth, reduce your expectations from the world and people - and so on.

I hope that this collection will help you to live all that should have been lived long ago!