Top 5 Tips: How To End A Boring Relationship

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Everything will pass, and this too … - said, according to legend, the inscription on the ring of Solomon, one of the wisest kings in history.

The two sides of the ring are external and internal. Two strategies: for now and for the future.

When a relationship begins, it is always a splash and fusion of all the best in partners. Both people strive to show themselves, to find what unites them, they seem to each other as "halves", "narrowed", "destiny" …

And then "everything passes" … Time allows reality to manifest itself, and often someone turns into a toad, someone - into a monster. Or into the void, next to which you do not experience ANYTHING. And there is no development. But there is a place for anger, anger, rejection, hatred.

Let's look at five situations where a relationship really needs to end, and five recommendations for making it less painful.

Of course, the decision is always yours and no one knows better than you how to do the right thing. But good advice given at the right time can be helpful.

The above situations are real, as well as the ways out of them, and have been tested in practice.

1. Long-term relationship

You have been together for many years and have become a part of each other's life. Much in common, perhaps already have children … But for many years now your partner has been annoying you. Wildly.

Usually, due to the inability to break the vicious circle (there are many reasons: children, housing, society, fear of the new), one of the parties can have a lover (mistress). Virtual, real, invented … You can console yourself with the hope that this is from fatigue, you need something new to "revive" the relationship. In fact, the first thing to do is to revive yourself. And the illusion "this is temporary" takes on the main role in this situation.

At this time, your subconscious already knows a way to solve the situation. Gives signals in the form of dreams. And often - and diseases.

One young woman who came to see me said: "I have an arrhythmia. I am 26 years old. Every time he comes home, I feel bad. I can't breathe. I can't sleep at night. I don't want him to have me." hugged … this touch … Am I a bad wife? Am I a bad mother?"

There is no good or bad in psychology. There is burnt out. Lost resource. Ineffective.

In his book "Six Husbands for Every Wife," American psychologist Stephen Craig says that in a couple, both people must constantly and evenly change. If someone stops, a break occurs.

How to break?

Understanding helps: this person will not change. He (she) will remain the same. If you or circumstances for so many years have not pushed your partner to develop, then he has no need for this. Moreover, every person has the right to be at the level of development at which he is comfortable. We make choices by evaluating what is right for us. And attempts to make a choice for a partner, to remake it always lead to disastrous results and mutual hatred.

Prepare yourself mentally for the conversation. Of course, breaking up a long-term relationship is very painful, and you may be tempted to delay indefinitely. Set a time limit on how much time you need to think. And be sure to be true to your word. Think over a further plan for communicating with this person after breaking up, if you have children or common affairs. Be extremely careful with your partner's feelings, even if some of his conclusions are unpleasant to you.

In the situation of this young woman, the body decided everything for itself. As soon as they parted with her husband for a while, all illnesses disappeared. This served as irrefutable proof that it is better to break up on time and have a chance for a new, healthy in every sense of the relationship in the future.

2. Merger relationship

Your partner was originally something "from above", "better" for you. You all did not believe your happiness. He (she) guessed your desires, read your thoughts, and what a spiritual world! What kind of thinking! The beauty! Love covers. You experience complete dissolution in him (her). And then fear appears. Insinuatingly whispers: what if he (she) finds better? Maybe you already found it? Maybe he stopped loving (a)?

Everything is alarming: he said insincerely, looked indifferently … the main criterion of this relationship is his (her) coldness.

Such relationships also have no development. Why? Because initially the forces were unequal. Some are better, some are worse. Someone is beautiful. And someone is just nearby.

What to do?

This is the most difficult case of self-breakup. On your part, there is a striving for a person - but a striving that has properties that are destructive for the personality. Often this condition is fraught with depression and suicidal ideation. Therefore, you need to talk to your partner. You can prepare for the conversation. Most likely, he (she) himself will agree to the break or recognize the correctness of such a way out of the situation.

Just do not arrange "goodbye sex" under any circumstances. This will create more illusions and add pain.

And a new hobby will help you cope with the pain of a breakup. Not by anyone. But something. Create a hobby for yourself, preferably with physical activity, so that stress is released through the load on the body.

3. "Reverse side"

The person next to you has merged and does not want (cannot) let go. You realize that you no longer love him (her), but you are afraid to say it openly, as reactions can be unhealthy.

What to do?

It's important to talk. In such a situation, a conversation is extremely necessary, it can even be thought out and prescribed. Your partner is very sensitive and vulnerable, any word can be interpreted in two ways.

Be honest and firm in your decision. Patiently answer all questions, be sure to speak calmly all topics, even if your partner is very nervous and reacts violently. This is how he should react. It hurts him. But it will hurt more if you keep pulling and holding back. If you can frankly and honestly say that there are no feelings anymore, explain when this happened - not immediately, but after a while your partner will let you go. Moreover, what is important, it will mentally let go. When he realizes the inevitability and one-sidedness of his feelings.

4, 5. Relationships without a future

Another kind of relationship, without development. There may be several options:

1) an initially spoken relationship without a future;

2) hidden, having a second side.

The first option is easier. If you said that it is temporary, without marriage (marriage), children, etc. and the time has come, which means it is important to let go or say goodbye. This is the only option where "goodbye sex" is appropriate, but not as a recommendation, but if both have a need for a "warm" goodbye. The main thing in this case is honesty with oneself. Understanding where you are going, why, and what lies ahead will give you strength.

Why rip up

If you feel the strength to develop further and more, then the limitations can loop the internal potential, close the energy to development only for consumption. No matter how attached you are to a person, if for some reason he cannot give you what you need, then it's time to say goodbye.

- Hidden relationships are akin to merging relationships. You found out that he (she) is married or divorced, and do not want a serious relationship … And love this person … You still need to part. For several reasons:

- the person honestly told you that he does not want (is not ready) for a future with you, - the man deceived and confessed, but said that he had to wait.

If a person cannot give you what you want, it is pointless to shake him like a pear, waiting for it to ripen … He is a completely different tree - without fruit. And the fruits will not appear on it suddenly. You can "rest in its shadow" for a short time, but then you still have to get up and move on. Otherwise, you risk remaining forever in the land of illusion, where there is nothing that brings real tangible joy. The joy of being together. The joy of sharing a partnership.

Say goodbye, thank you and go ahead. Maybe at first it is scary, dark and incomprehensible. But life and practice show that you can always get what you want. The main thing is to know what you want and to apply adequate methods with adequate people. With people who are able to walk in your rhythm of life, and most importantly - they want and can do it.

Fortunately, relationships that are self-destructive and require an immediate end are not really all that common. Much more often it happens that the union enriches both partners who are ready to fight for it, even if they are tired and in crisis.