2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
When we talk about violence, sexual harassment, idiots taxi drivers, assault from husbands and a yelling boss immediately come to mind. And did anyone even think that there is still such a type of violence as "doing good"? And he is no less scary.
It is violence on soft feet - it silently walks around the house in a dressing gown and slippers and looks so innocent that it is almost impossible to recognize or complain about it. After all, these people want us well! Nevertheless, from this "good" pressure rises, the heart contracts and the face becomes covered with red spots of annoyance. "Doing good" is on friendly terms with "gaslighting" and is accompanied by the phrase "Well, what are you thinking of!" What started up - we want the best. " What is the best for whom?
"Doing good" happens when you tell your friends that "you are not celebrating your birthday", and in response you hear "and we will come anyway" when mom "quietly" enters your room with her husband early Sunday morning to "water the flowers", when a well-meaning grandmother shoves "one more spoon" into her grandson. All this violence against the individual and violation of your boundaries.
We scream at every corner that no one has the right to tell us how to dress or paw our ass in the minibus. We scared the men to the point that in large corporations they stopped closing the doors to the office, and the patient cannot be left alone with the doctor without the presence of a nurse. We’ve learned the words boundaries, manipulative and toxic very well, but every morning we do someone good without thinking about the consequences.
People! Hey! Anything you do against the will of another person is violence and violation of their boundaries. Any comment you make about someone's haircut, makeup, mate choice or lifestyle is violence and violation of its boundaries. Your rejection of your son's friend or daughter's boyfriend, your attempt to "remake" your partner for yourself, your desire to make the employee "more comfortable" - all this is violence and violation of boundaries.
I foresee comments from the series "Forcing kids to learn and not using drugs are also border violations and violence." You know, I would not like to bring it to the point of absurdity, but in fact, yes, if we are not talking about a threat to life, any intervention is violence. Violence when you force a humanities student to enter an economic university, because "who needs you with your literature." Violence, when a guy is not allowed to marry for love and is shoved into an internship abroad "for his own good." Yes, maybe our children will make mistakes. But these will be their mistakes and their own experience, and not our imposed good, from which we want to go out the window. Because further, this artificially created life will have to live not for us, but for them.
Doing good is the road to hell. This is the imposition of their stereotypes and values on another person. This is the highest degree of hypocrisy, because doing good is always covered by the motto "I do it for your good." With this phrase on the lips of homosexuals, they were “treated” in psychiatric hospitals, “for your own good” parents are trying to remake transgender children, “for your own good” autists are ignored in society, “for your own good” children with disabilities are surviving from regular schools. For what good is it? This is not a blessing, but a Procrustean bed, where one pulls out what is missing and chops off the excess, so that "he would be like everyone else." Because there is no common good. There is individual happiness - and it, by definition, is different for everyone.
Therefore, before you do someone “good”, ask him if your actions fit his definition of “good”. I'm afraid the answer will surprise you a lot - if, of course, you want to hear it.
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