2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Now many people write about physical violence in the family, but they started talking about moral ("quiet") psychological violence relatively recently. Careful … in a whisper. After all, he wears a cozy dressing gown and is considered something ordinary and quite natural for people who grew up in families where such behavior was considered the norm.
Therefore, many people suffer in silence from contemptuous looks and statements from a partner, humiliation, insults, shouts, slamming doors, unfounded ultimatums, etc., swallowing tears and impotent rage. Losing the remnants of self-respect.
And psychological abusers continue to blackmail, manipulate and get their own way against the wishes of another person, enjoying their power.
Most often, psychological violence is manifested by a person for whom it is very important to exercise constant control over everything (or at least some specific area). He, as a rule, is not confident in himself and compensates for this deficiency by controlling and bullying those who are not able to resist him (usually his wife and children). The abuser is jealous, distrustful, very suspicious, with sharp mood swings (from tenderness to rudeness in a matter of seconds) and a low level of self-control (when he is "carried" - he is unable to stop).
He claims that he loves his partner like no one else, makes him guilty of causing pain or discomfort (“you ruined my mood, you foul”). He is easily offended, speaks loudly and rudely, can threaten, and then say that he was joking. The abuser may also prefer quiet verbal bullying … when humiliation is accompanied by gentle and gentle stroking, but the essence of the statements is cruel and unfair (as a rule, this concerns the appearance and mental abilities of the partner). Or he prefers harsh criticism with very offensive insults, obscene language and may turn to physical violence.
"Quiet" psychological abuse of an abuser can be recognized by the following signs:
- constant too harsh criticism (when any oversight and "flaw" is meticulously and carefully examined under a microscope), the purpose of which is self-affirmation and a feeling of superiority over your soul mate;
- criticism of the partner's values, the purpose of which is his complete isolation (so that he stops meeting with friends and parents, gives up hobbies that bring joy and pleasure, work, etc.). All this is done deliberately, since a financially dependent person who has lost friends and does not have parental support is easy to subordinate to his will;
- insults and humiliation of a partner (offensive words are used, which are often accompanied by obscene language);
- veiled insults (constant and offensive ridicule, contemptuous laughter, rolling eyes, etc.);
- the imposition of a sense of guilt, the purpose of which is to make the partner guilty of everything, to relieve himself of responsibility and to gain benefits for himself;
- financial dependence, which the partner regularly uses to manipulate, reproach and justify his own behavior;
- complete disregard (to pretend that the other does not exist);
- long silence (leave your partner unanswered to a question, turn away, evade any attempt to talk, etc.);
- forcing a person to do what he does not want to do (constant violation of his boundaries);
- blackmail and threats;
- gaslighting (the belief of a partner that some event did not actually take place, which makes a person doubt the objectivity of his own perception).
Psychological violence usually creeps up cautiously, on soft cat paws, until the "victim" gets used to it and comes to his senses only when it will be impossible not to notice the violence.
And only then can a person think about whether it makes sense to endure the bullying of his partner and ask himself:
Do I want what is happening in the relationship now?
Is it safe for me to be around this person?
Is this relationship good for me?
Do they develop or destroy me?
Can I end the relationship whenever I want?
And, honestly peering deep into yourself, make a decision to change something.
After all, a person has only one life, and he has every right to live it calmly, with dignity and happiness.
Recommended:
Violence Against Oneself As A Way Of Life
Self-development is wonderful. It is important and necessary to develop useful skills in oneself, to get rid of unnecessary attitudes. However, more and more often, self-development is equated with self-discipline. In fact, it is a method of destructive violence against oneself.
Dealing With The Trauma Of Violence. Reacting. Healing. Closing The Painful Gestalt
The trauma of violence is perhaps the most severe trauma in the world, as it is associated with the violation of all possible boundaries: legal, physical, moral and intimate; inflicting monstrous damage to the psyche in the most defining (in fact, central) place - in the place of basic human needs for safety, security and protection.
A History Of Veiled Violence And Broken Boundaries In Psychotherapy. Case From Practice
The case that I want to describe demonstrates the situation of correspondence supervision. Therapist - Veronica, a 32-year-old woman who faced a situation of violation of her boundaries in the course of psychotherapy. The client is Robert, her age-old, successful, handsome, well-built man, single, has a high social status.
Violence On Soft Feet
When we talk about violence, sexual harassment, idiots taxi drivers, assault from husbands and a yelling boss immediately come to mind. And did anyone even think that there is still such a type of violence as "doing good"? And he is no less scary.
Difference Between Violence And Non-violence
Violence for me is when I do or allow myself to do something that I do not want, which I do not choose. My will can be suppressed in different ways - by deception (using misleading intellectual constructions), intimidation or unexpected penetration into the intimate area, which leads to a stupor.
