2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What is gender?
There are many bisexual qualities that are equally inherent in individuals of both sexes. But at the same time, a person cannot normally simultaneously possess male and female genitals. Men and women have their own characteristics, they are distinctive in different ways: character, appearance, physique, reproductive functions, social status, etc.
The development of mature femininity is closely intertwined with the theme of sexuality and gender acceptance: throughout life, human sexuality oscillates between masculine and feminine, between successfully repressing one aspect to integrate another, creating a sexual identity conditioned by innate bisexuality. That is why they say that women are not born, they become women.
Over the centuries, there have been various ceremonies and rituals that helped women and men move to the next stage of development - initiation. These were initiations into a more adult life. Nowadays, there is less and less a smooth transition from a child to an adult, which affects the mental state, life in general.
What is so relevant for women to face in our culture? A woman becomes mature and whole by separating from her mother. And this is not about the place of residence, but about inner experiences. We cannot be independent and responsible when in our hearts we remain little girls who constantly think about their mothers, and not about ourselves. Desiring at an unconscious level to constantly satisfy the needs, desires, whims of her unrealized mother in something, hoping to change her life for the better (if she did not have a relationship with a man, for example), a scenario of living not her own life is formed. Someone will say that this is also a choice, but I am ready to argue. When in childhood a mother transmits consciously and unconsciously her desires to the child, involving them in her life, can the child understand something else? Therefore, they talk about generic scripts that are passed down from generation to generation.
A girl can accept her gender, her body and female identity if she knows how wonderful it is to be a woman.
When she sees that her mother is deeply unhappy, she constantly wants to save her mother, to change her life, then she understands that being a woman means continuous troubles and misfortunes. And she will definitely arrange them for herself, because this is how women live in her understanding.
A girl can separate from her mother if she is saturated with her love and wants to create her own life and give love to others, wants to become like a mother (woman) and perform other adult functions.
For this, the girl should not be afraid of competition with her mother. But if the mother constantly suppresses her daughter, broadcasts to her so that she does not “mark the place of the mother (woman),” the girl does not undergo the process of transition to a more mature mechanism of identification with her mother.
It's just that nothing appears in anyone. Therefore, the girl needs to have the courage to take the experience she needs in other relationships - real relationships with other women. In our world, identification with the narcissistic image of female stars occurs in a very strange way, or girls remain small next to their mothers, acting out a family scenario. More mature relationships with women we trust and want to be like can help deal with these kinds of problems. From kind grandmothers, godparents to your favorite teachers, psychologists, with whom you can interact and develop.
If we planted a flower, then nothing will grow out of it without leaving. And we are the flowers planted by someone (by our parents), metaphorically, of course. Whether they cared for us in such a way that we are now reaching for the sun, or in such a way that we languidly and languidly bend to the ground, it is already our business to notice and analyze. But children differ from flowers in that they really need affection for a significant adult who can not only feed, wash and put to bed, but also talk with the child, comfort, reflect his feelings, and can create a safe atmosphere of development, acceptance and love. This way the child can absorb the feeling that everything is fine. And watching her mother - a happy woman - the girl, knowing that everything is fine, will be able to accept female identification as well. Think if you have a daughter.
Have you already noticed that the sequence “safe developmental atmosphere - acceptance of female identification” is important? Why? In stress, a person cannot learn, especially a child. Learning requires an environment of trust and curiosity. This also applies to adults.
A girl will accept herself as such if her parents accept her as a girl.
There are so many sad stories when parents treat a boy or a girl just like a child, and this is from the series "Go there - I don't know where, bring that - I don't know what." Parents are more interested in how to communicate with a child, but there is no culture of communication with a child in his female or male gender. Yes, appearance is very important - wearing women's clothes, doing hair, etc. But there is also a mental aspect - to acquaint with femininity from childhood through the world of fairy tales, stories and stories. Fairy tales should be correct and instructive, where the image of a girl-girl-woman will be revealed. And there are fewer and fewer such fairy tales now. You can compose them yourself and tell them at night.
If a mother loves herself, if fairy tales contain interesting and useful and fascinating information for a girl, how not to want to bring it all to life ?!
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