How To Become Less Empathic, Love Yourself, And Avoid Becoming A Narcissist?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Can you become a narcissist and stop being empathic? What prevents us from loving ourselves? If you love yourself, is there a risk of becoming a narcissist?

In all of these issues, there is pain associated with the fact that people are too empathic, worry more about others than themselves, and give others too many feelings, while making themselves worse. On the one hand, we want to worry less about others, but on the other hand, the oppressive state in the mind does not allow us to relax: “What will they think? People will call me a narcissist!"

Try to answer the question - how do you look at the problem now? If someone asks you to do something, but you cannot fulfill this request, then you project the situation through yourself onto another (“If I refuse now, he will be hurt and hurt, so I must do everything for others so as not to do it hurts them, do not offend ). Such a position is associated with your own feelings previously experienced - once someone hurt you (devalued your feelings, was indifferent to them, did not notice how much you needed help, to satisfy your desire, refused you this and did not support further emotionally, did not help to survive the frustration because of this), so now you are afraid to hurt another person, because somewhere at a deep level you made a strong promise to yourself that you would never do that, knowing how painful it was.

For example, once my mother refused to buy you kinder, ice cream, “those beautiful patent shoes”, did not want to sit next to or play, she simply said that there was no money and time - and in this place the emotional connection was simply severed. As a result, for you to say “No”, “I don’t want this” to another person is tantamount to a painful situation experienced in childhood. What is the problem here? Then you need to join the person and say: “I understand, you may be hurt and unpleasant, but I am not against you, I am for myself,” but often we do not know how to defend ourselves and preserve our boundaries, desires, disagreement, our place and territory that you don't want to let anyone in.

In reality, there is nothing wrong with making a choice in favor of yourself and your desires, continuing to satisfy your needs. You can do this gently in relation to other people (for example, say that it hurts you for this person, you are perfectly aware of the unpleasant feelings he is experiencing, and for you the situation is not easy and unpleasant, but agree with him now, help with something you can), and this approach will be humane. It is important to say that you are not against the person himself, but rather for yourself. Thus, you try to protect your feelings, take care of yourself, and due to these circumstances, at the moment you are forced to refuse. You need to learn to think only of yourself and show the traits of a selfish narcissist. Always ask yourself: “Do I feel good here? Is it good for me to work with this? Am I good with this person? Do I feel good about doing this? " And then, remember, in order not to become a narcissist and to preserve a relationship with the person whom you refuse, are trying to share something, show empathy. It can be just the words: “Sorry, I'm uncomfortable / uncomfortable. I see your emotions, I understand your feelings, but now I understand myself more."

There is a catch in the whole situation - you feel guilty when you do something for yourself, and not for the sake of another person (you could not behave differently with your mom or dad, you had to satisfy your mother's needs so that she would not get upset, do not bring her to tears). Now you can quite calmly admit your guilt ("Yes, I am guilty that I refuse, I hurt another person"). Alas, but life is so arranged - it is not always possible to satisfy both, so admit your guilt and talk about it ("Sorry, I understand your pain, I also feel uncomfortable and painful for you to say all this, but I cannot do otherwise"). Often the first reaction is aggression, discontent, frustration, the person will hang up, stop communicating with you. There is nothing wrong with this, go through an unpleasant situation and be sure to make it clear, even if the person left and slammed the door (you do not need to immediately run after him, give him time to exhale, let him calm down) that you are ready to be there, despite the rejection on his part and aggression ("I'm sorry, but I still stand my ground. It is important for me to do the way I want it"). Defend your position, but do not forget to continue the relationship. If you have already explained to a person 300 times why it is uncomfortable and painful for you, but he continues to insist (“No, do as I want!”), Think about how important and valuable your relationship is for him. Analyze the situation carefully - in response to care, comfort and warmth, you should not receive negativity. You should not endure such an attitude for a long time, contact yourself all the time, and at that moment when the relationship becomes unbearable, stop this behavior. In no case should you humiliate the person himself, emphasize his behavior: “You have no right to behave with me like that! Either learn to communicate differently, or we will have to stop communicating altogether."

So, most importantly, first of all, forgive yourself for this behavior and give yourself the right to take in life. Learn to notice yourself, do for yourself. Allow yourself to be imperfect, carry your guilt, admit it, carry your shame.