What Will Help A Woman Not Become Addicted To Relationships?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-15 16:05

I recently received a message asking me to clarify what I mean in the article "What determines success in a relationship" under the words that in order for a woman not to stick in a relationship and a man, it is important for her to "pump herself from the inside." I wrote the answer, but it turned out to be so voluminous that this article came out of it, in which I expressed my views on the issue of female "pumping". This is a small cut, and in fact there are more parameters, but I will write about this later.

The term "swing" is now actively used in various metaphorical contexts related to the development of oneself, a relatively large number of skills and abilities that we have.

I will start by saying that "swinging" (in the context of the ability not to become dependent on a man) means learning to give herself everything that a woman wants from a man. The less she can give herself, the more she asks of him and the more dependent she becomes

My picture is that different areas of our life have different tastes and carry different "useful substances". That is, metaphorically, it is important that the entire set of micronutrients is complete. A woman has a great temptation to try to get all the vitamins from a relationship with a man, but since he still won't cover everything, they begin to think that this is all because he gives little and begin to demand more from him. But he really can never replace with his even the strongest love the taste of social recognition, the taste of female friendship or the taste of success. And therefore, it is important for a woman that all these tastes are present in her life.

So, for female leveling it is important:

It is very important for a woman to be able to make money herself.

That is, if a woman does not know how to make money, then she will very much want to find herself a man who will take all material cares upon herself. Accordingly, she will be more vulnerable in the event of any difficulties in the relationship. She can start stepping on her throat, because she will understand that if she quarrels with him and they part, then she will be left without money. Many women want to live according to the patriarchal system, where the man fully provides them, and they only raise their children. But in this case, it still turns out to be highly dependent. Not always a man will support a woman only because of his children. As much as she wanted to.

Therefore, the first quality for pumping, I consider it the ability to support myself. Let not pamper, but at least feel stable if something happens.

Although I generally believe that being able to earn is an extremely important quality for any person. Because it is a consequence of inner strength.

It is important for a woman to engage in activities that she likes.

That is, so that she does not just pull the strap at the hated work. If her work is very annoying and does not bring any emotions at all, then she will strive to get positive experiences from a man. She will find free ears in him to complain about how boring, sad at work, all fuckers, how she suffers from idleness and all that. Therefore, it would be good for a woman to find a job for herself that will delight, inspire and motivate her. It doesn't have to be something mega-creative. It just has to be what gives her strength and self-confidence. That she is a good and demanded specialist. Because when she enjoys being successful at work, she will demand less love and attention from a man. She herself will need space for herself, for living this. Or instead of crying about a sad life, she will share her joy with him. Which is better than complaining.

Of course, it is important that friends and girlfriends are present in a woman's life.

Because although they say that a husband should be the best friend, in reality this is not always possible. Women have their own topics for communication, they have their own gags and needs. And again, men can never close all these women's things, no matter how much he loves and no matter how much he gives attention. Relatively speaking, it is difficult to gossip with him or discuss a new manicure so that he does not just nod his head, but is really in a dialogue and enthusiastically gives feedback. And women who do not have girlfriends try to make their man responsible for all her fun, they ask for his attention and time, without him they have nothing to occupy themselves with - and this is a direct path to addiction.

I would make it mandatory to have a psychologist or some kind of developmental practice.

Because whatever one may say, but every woman has a bunch of cockroaches in her head (however, like a man). There are exaggerated expectations, and claims, and hopes for the prince, and egocentrism "I owe everything, because I am a goddess", and fears, and resentments, and many other things that weakens a woman.

A man is a figure, next to which all our injuries, painful places, limitations (which were formed in childhood, because this is the prototype of the first emotional maternal relationship, as well as the image that is assigned the role of a father, that he will feed and give water) will crawl out, and therefore it is important for a woman to deal with this. Because otherwise, all relationships will roll according to some one and the same scenario. Again, a psychologist-psychotherapist will help work through the trauma of the abandoned person (if any). Namely, this fear of being alone very often leads a woman to cling to a man, even if he treats her badly at all.

It is very important for a woman to take care of herself in terms of her image and appearance.

The worse a woman looks, the harder it is for her to be attractive to men. And the more valuable and important becomes the one who has already chosen her. And she sticks to whoever is around, so as not to face the stress of finding new partners and experiencing the horror of rejection when you are not chosen. If a woman realizes that she is attractive, she will have no fear that no one will choose her except this one man. She will receive attention and recognition from the outside, this will also feed her, and the man will see that his woman is also appreciated by others. And the more valuable a woman is in the eyes of other men, the less you want to lose her. But the woman will also feel more supportive.

Women, especially older women, abandon themselves beyond recognition, and then complain that the male goat abandoned her for the sake of another, beautiful, young. And instead of accepting the fact that it is better to be in good shape than in bad shape, they are offended that they are not loved.

But the image does not necessarily mean an obsession with fashion and beauty. It is also to be able to charm, to be bright and energetic, to be able to attract attention. That is, it is not only about physical beauty, but also about inner strength.

And here you can add a lot of things, such as hobbies, hobbies, and everything that will fill the emotional sphere of a woman.

That is, it is very important that a woman finds in her life many different sources of emotions that give her pleasure in addition to male love.

Because love is not eternal, even if it is mutual, and the intensity of passion cannot last long. And if a woman wants to eat only "butterflies in her stomach", then after a while she will be in a hole. She will miss the heat, she will demand it from the man, the man will close, she will receive even less, she will be even more angry, demand even more, etc. And this will make her even more addicted. Because where she could find joy in something else, she sees only one way out - a man.

It is important for a woman to be able to live alone.

For addicted people, loneliness is unbearable. It immediately launches a whole chain of very unpleasant emotions that a woman is afraid to experience, and therefore, in order to drown them out, she runs into any relationship, just to stick to someone and not experience this horror. But support cannot be acquired by being in fusion.

That is, if a woman has never been alone, it is basically impossible for her to imagine that living alone is not scary and quite possible. And therefore, she does not so much want to be with a particular man as she does not want to be alone with herself. Plus, again, fears are added that she is scary, boring, uninteresting, unworthy, that no one will choose her, and therefore it is better here than to be thrown into the trash. If a woman knows how to live alone, then she is able to endure this time and is able to choose her partner. Someone whom she considers worthy, and not someone who will simply brighten up her emptiness.

There are women who use men as objects. For example, she cannot go to a restaurant alone, she alone is scared, ashamed, sad, etc. Therefore, she asks him to be just a figure nearby. And she needs him for this, not for the relationship. But if she is not aware of her fear, then it seems to her that she will not survive without a man. And if she was not afraid, then she would be freer and less dependent.

It is important for a woman to clearly understand her boundaries and be able to say "No".

Boundaries usually show up in relationships. When a woman lives alone, she does not always understand how to deal with her, where she has weak points, what she allows in communication, and where she already becomes uncomfortable. That is, relationships in this sense are always a testing ground for training and self-awareness.

The inability to say “No” often comes from the fact that a woman is afraid that a man will leave her or think something bad about her, or something else will happen. And here the ability to cope with the fear that arises at the first moment is important. But the ability to cope by itself never arises, it comes later, like immunity. That is, at first it is scary to do, and then you get used to it. And in this sense, relationships help to build yourself from the inside. But I understand that this is another separate topic, I think that I will try to arrange it in a separate article. Namely, "How relationships help us" pump ".

And it's very important to work on your independent self-esteem.

Women very often rate themselves as men do. They have no understanding of what they are, what they are. There is no stable feeling that she is OK, even if the man did not fall in love with her. And therefore she always has a swing, that she is a beauty, then she is ugly. And as soon as such a girl meets a man who begins to tell her that she is a beauty, she sits down on the fact that next to him she feels super. And then she doesn't want to part, not so much with a man, as with the feeling that she finally felt like a queen. Thus, she feeds on the man.

And if suddenly he stops feeding her, she begins to run after him and ask for more and more of his words of recognition. And the longer she runs after these words, the more she becomes dependent on this particular man. After all, so much effort has already been invested in this pursuit that it is necessary at least to recoup these costs. And if a man is not led by threats, then she does not reimburse these costs and tries more and more, and thus a vicious circle is obtained. And the woman, instead of moving away from the man and starting to live her life, makes him responsible for her sense of self. Although this is still her personal task. And therefore, the more stable she is in her self-esteem, the easier it will be for her not to become dependent on a man.

Total

I have described some basic things that I consider to be obligatory for all women. It is clear that the opinion is subjective, but from observations and experience I believe that this is what gives a woman a certain stability and support in relationships, and is also a good "antidote" to extremely dependent relationships.

If you have any questions, please write.