2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
No one will interfere so much with a person to achieve his dreams and get everything he wants, as he will do it himself.
Psychology describes a myriad of ways in which people keep themselves from moving towards what they need.
Resisting the satisfaction of one's needs is a favorite human fetish
The animal will not starve next to a killed deer. Man can.
And not only to starve. He may find “more important things to do” than hunting. Or at the very beginning, convince himself that he is not hungry. They - the "beast" wants this, but he does not. He can feed everyone around him and stay hungry. He may decide that the hunt is not worth it, and he will not find anything new in it, and will remain sitting with an empty stomach. Or, eager to hunt and finally eat, he will stay at home, because he will think that other respected people think that it is useless for him to engage in nonsense or it is wrong to do it - hunting. And there are those who, even after eating a deer, will not get pleasure, because the sweep was not the right one, and they did not do everything as best they could on this hunt. Co-organize themselves indigestion. And all their hunting down the drain.
Why does a man need all this?
Why come up with so many ways so as not to let yourself go to a dream, to "food", to a desired goal, in close relationships, to financial success, to "satiety" and happiness - where you really want, and oh, how necessary ?!
And because any forward movement is a violation of the existing stability.
The current state of affairs will be disrupted. And the hard-won balance between "good and evil" will crumble. Even if this balance presupposes a life of poverty, a relationship with an alcoholic husband, coexistence with a serious illness, an endless stay in a living room and life like on a roller coaster - this is still a balance. His own, built over the years, passed down from generation to generation, with such difficulty achieved balance.
Like any complex system, a person resists any changes that take him out of his usual comfort zone, whatever this zone may be.
Moving forward often involves fighting your own resistance. with those forces that are committed to maintaining stability and the inviolability of the existing state of affairs
People tend to have their own habitual and largely unconscious ways of resisting development, being successful, and enjoying life.
Favorite defenses against success
1. Inability to feel “what do I want”, lack of understanding of your pace, inability to rely on yourself and your feelings in this matter.
2. Confusion between your own needs and the needs of others. Women often do not realize that they are trying to satisfy not their own needs, but the needs of a child, husband, mother, girlfriend or favorite organization. This happens to men too. As a result, for all - devastation and dissatisfaction.
3. The attitudes acquired in childhood about “how it is possible, necessary, decent and decent to do”. A huge part of these attitudes is not realized, but is what goes without saying. It does not even occur to a person that it is possible to act differently.
4. Ideas about “how everyone behaves”, “how normal people act”, “what these people think about me”, “what will happen if I do this”. Some kind of picture is projected onto the world, the future and the present. Based on his past experience and personal attitudes, a person draws a picture of a possible unfolding of events. And if this picture is unfavorable, it sits on the priest exactly.
Trying to move forward to growth, development and satisfaction of their needs, a person falls into an internal personal conflict. on one side of this conflict - hungry needs, and on the other - rules and dogmas, established ideas about oneself and about the world
5. The habit of stopping oneself when already “I know what I want and I know how I want”. Just hold out your hand! Make a first step!!! No.. The energy that should have been spent on actions and "movement towards.." is blocked, wrapped inward, retained in the body and forms a symptom. All psychosomatic illnesses are built on this mechanism called "retroflection". The person knows what he wants, but does nothing.
6. " Merge "halfway through. Instead of embarking on a project that has been nurtured for so long, to sit down for important work, start doing yoga, go to fitness, finally sign up for a dance, or just get to your coach or psychotherapist, a person prefers to go to bed, go to eat, sit on the internet, forget, oversleep, play tic-tac-toe, suffer garbage or do another equally important thing, but just not what you need. In short, he finds another object to use his powers. And all the energy goes “to the left”.
7. Constantly feed others. "To do to another what I need myself." To save, to arrange the lives of other people, to solve other people's problems, to live a stormy life of friends and relatives, patients and clients, but not our own. Your needs remain unfulfilled. A person experiences constant hunger and fatigue, but everyone around is “embraced” and happy.
8. Do not let yourself into life. Track every emotion, be aware of every bunch. To be terribly smart and conscious, practically all-seeing and enlightened, while completely devoid of spontaneity and living human feelings.
9. "Was there a boy?" Was there any success? Do not allow yourself to rejoice at victory, do not allow yourself to experience pleasure and happiness from achievements, enjoyment of success. Devalue and vulgarize everything. To nullify all their efforts and teams and say that "no one can know algebra by five", "not tried enough." And that's all. A long way has been done and everything is down the drain.
The path to success is like rafting down a river full of pitfalls and rapids. the difficulty also lies in the fact that most of the obstacles are invisible. one's own sabotage is much more difficult to notice than obstacles from outside
Why am I carried out in the same place?
How am I stopping myself?
Why am I doing this?
What am I defending against?
Why is it important for me to protect myself from success, from what am I trying to protect myself?
The less understanding in these matters, the less is the opportunity to swim to the end of the river and swim alive, to come to the ocean as a winner.
Victory over oneself is a victory over one's own resistance
Realizing your ways of resistance, their bonuses and price, you can choose - to be in it or to risk breaking through. It so happens that the existing method is the most adequate mechanism for adapting to living conditions at the moment. The price of the changes may be such that I do not want to pay now.
"The more unconscious a person is, the less choice he has." Marion Woodman, Junigian psychoanalyst.
The choice comes with the awareness and understanding of how and for what I do what I do. that's when flexibility comes in. and with it the opportunity to try new paths and achieve everything that you want and really need
Photo by: Valery Novitsky
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