Do People Change And What Do You Need To Know About It?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

We often hear around us - I want to change! Become more confident, learn to make life choices, finally begin to defend their boundaries, stop reacting sharply to someone else's opinion, become a leader and much, much more. The image of the ideal me and the real self are not always the same, and people tend to strive to become "better", and for this they can read special literature, go to trainings, see a psychologist or coach, and sometimes make attempts to change on their own. Often this moves us to the desired result - and we change, and sometimes it comes to the understanding that we need to change in a completely different direction than it was supposed, or not at all, and the latter is also a kind of change - the attitude towards ourselves and our qualities changes. In this article I will share my view on the nature of change, and it works in my life as well.

The first stage of change is awareness. There is such a joke on the Internet - "You are not right, Uncle Fedor, you are lying. You are lying to yourself, but others need it." The first stage of changes is about being honest with yourself, about recognizing your different feelings, attitudes, attitudes, character traits. There are situations when the easiest way (at first glance) is to relieve yourself of responsibility for what is happening by telling yourself - everything is ok with me, this is the world / another person / conditions around are not the same. For example, you quarrel with a colleague, come home, and think, what kind of a colleague is a narrow-minded, rude boor. And at the same time he was also rude, and did not want to move from his position, and completely forgot about the interests of the common cause. And here it is very important not to waste internal energy on justifying one's behavior to oneself, but to honestly admit something in oneself. Not to destroy myself, not to blame, but simply to admit that a particular part of my behavior did NOT work for a good and respectful relationship with a colleague, and I also invested in this quarrel and conflict. I am not talking now about the fact that the conflict is bad, I am talking about honest conversation with oneself and responsibility for their manifestations. So, the first thing we do is CONSCIOUS and RECOGNIZE a part in ourselves, a quality of personality that can be unsightly, denied, but inherent in us: laziness, passivity, not being able to hear another in a conflict, etc. (each of us has something of his own).

Secondwhat needs to be done after an honest confession is ADOPTION … Yes, that's right - it is necessary to agree that I am not perfect, there are different things in me - relatively speaking - both good and bad, and most likely I will never be perfect, but I will be alive, with all my victories and failures, ups and downs and failures, joys and fears and forgive yourself in advance everything, in advance. And relax, if possible:).

I have a friend who accepts every lack of commitment and motivation to achieve social success. And, on the contrary, I am an ardent supporter of setting goals, making efforts on myself, leaving my comfort zone, etc.

And at the same time, seeing how she accepts her non-purposeful part, I am moved by such manifestations of her! I just admire, seeing in her a woman, fluid, tender:).

This example is an illustration of the phenomenon I noticed - as soon as you start to accept yourself, or something in yourself, those around you read it by some signals, and are more likely to be also in acceptance. Try it, it works very often.

So, the second stage after awareness is acceptance … Acceptance criterion - answer the question - if this happens, and I cannot change it in myself, am I ready to live with it? A positive answer is a sign of acceptance.

Third after acceptance - is to make a picture-image of yourself-changed. Straight in the little things and nuances - how I think now, how I look, I act, what I feel, how people respond to me new, what events can happen now. It is necessary to create such an inner reality in which I, the renewed one, successfully exist, allow myself the upcoming change and describe in colors - you can even do this in writing, or a drawing, or a collage, or find an object symbolizing a specific inner change, or a place in space that whatever. Personally, I am helped by visualization with closed eyes, where I imagine and live within myself the desired behavior, the necessary personal change.

The main rule of this stage is to clearly understand what exactly I want to change and what I will be with this change. Next, we go from words and fantasies directly to actions. At this stage, tools and techniques can help, information about which is plentiful in our time.

Let's, for example, analyze such an undesirable quality for some as laziness. If we get rid of laziness, positive reinforcement can help, in the form of a pleasant massage or a sauna after a run, or something else that is attractive to you. You can also start planning the day in advance, start a daily planner, or do yoga - in order to increase vitality, or change the diet - by removing unhealthy foods, people note a surge of strength and a desire to move mountains.

If laziness is connected with some business, perhaps in this way you are resisting something, and it is important to figure out what you are trying to avoid, it may make sense to find a more inspiring business, or change the context, or something else. In each case, this is its own set of methods and techniques. The main thing at this stage is to seek, do, act, try.

It is not always easy, move at your own pace, keep the focus in focus on the goal - what is all this for you. You may need flexibility, resourcefulness, going beyond the usual, and often tolerance towards yourself! Go for it!))) But actions by themselves may not have an effect. Experience is not what happens to us, but what we take for ourselves, what lessons we learn from what happened. And after the actions comes the feedback stage. After attempts have been made, it is important to stop and think carefully about your efforts, to give yourself this very feedback. See what worked and what didn't, and what all this ultimately led to, how do I feel about the result of my actions? How do I feel now, and how did I feel during everything that was happening? This is followed by the appropriation of the gained experience, now it is a part of us! And maybe you've noticed that giving honest feedback to yourself is very similar to step number 1 - this is awareness. During awareness, we honestly call things by their proper names, awareness and feedback go hand in hand, intersecting in many ways, having a common ground. And after feedback (awareness), we again move on to the second stage - acceptance of the results and ourselves with these results, then - based on the current state of affairs, we draw an image of a new result, an image of ourselves, then we act, give feedback, appropriate the experience gained, do it part of myself…. and this cycle can be endless, because there are no limits to perfection, and because life throws us more and more new challenges))) and in my opinion, this is great! This is how, in my opinion, the cycle of psychological changes looks like. I would like to highlight a few things.

First, awareness is very important. And sometimes just it is enough, and changes will occur. Any trauma already contains energy for its healing, gestalts strive for completion, conflicts - for resolution, so sometimes the most important work is awareness and acceptance, and giving your psyche, your inner sage the opportunity and time to heal trauma, make changes.

Second - know how to turn off your mind, sometimes it is especially useful at the stage of choosing techniques and methods of change, and actions. Our ego is conservative, and the mind will surely explain why this or that new way of acting does not work for you. And to understand whether it is suitable or not, you can only try. But the measure is important in everything, I'm not talking about the fact that you don't need to check with yourself at all, just know this feature - the ego, perhaps, will "jerk" and "resist".

To make it recognizable, first make a list of how you can hinder yourself when it comes to specific actions. I wish all of us positive changes and qualitative leaps in growth!