2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A great discovery for me was my acquaintance with Marilyn Murray, which took place thanks to the book "Prisoner of Another War".
It was impossible to tear yourself away from this book. It was a thriller, a novel, and a psychotherapeutic story that was terrifying and hopeful at the same time.
After that, I heard about the Murray Method and was very skeptical about it. It was not very clear where to attach and lean it, it did not fit into any psychotherapeutic concept. He went beyond, being very down-to-earth, very honest, very therapeutic.
The very creator of the Method - Marilyn Murray - is a very extraordinary and amazing woman. Her paternal grandmother and grandfather from near Saratov, they at one time suffered from the Stalinist repressions, survived and moved to the United States in freedom.
There is one more thing that I want to say - Marillin is a Protestant, she worked for a Protestant community for a long time, was a volunteer, helped people without being a therapist. Her attitude towards God is evident in the Method and often frightens atheists or those who believe in their God, non-confessional or within the framework of other confessions.
Marilyn, on the other hand, speaks of God, rather, as of Conscience, of the receiving Parental figure, as of whom you can rely on and who loves and accepts everyone unconditionally. There is no obsession or intolerance in this. It's very soft and supportive …
After meeting Murray through her book, I got to the training, which was conducted by a student of Marillin in our city.
The training was about intimacy, that we live with our family and friends, in fact, very at a distance. And what prevents us from getting closer, and how, after all, to become closer to ourselves, to spouses, to children, to parents. And how to keep your boundaries.
At this training I learned about such a wonderful tool as: "Circles of Intimacy, Responsibility and Influence", which I will now tell you about.
Take this template
and place everything that is close to you in it. It can be people, animals, business, work, hobbies. Do it spontaneously, as it comes to mind.
And now here's what really should be happening in your life. This is how it looks.
1st circle, central- it contains only You and God. You are because this whole life is yours, you are the most important actor in the play of your life, which is written together with God. In this context, I ask you not to strain atheists. Place instead of "God" in the first circle "Conscience", "Reality", what you think guides everything in this world. God must be present as a support and non-judgmental loving and accepting, Parental figure.
2nd a circle - for the husband / wife, for the one with whom you share the bed. Therefore, parents and children who fall into this circle talk about the problems associated with psychological incest. If there is no spouse, this place should be empty and not occupied. Then, sooner or later, a partner may come into it.
2nd b - there must be minor children who live with you.
3rd circle - for adult children and parents. Separation problems have been resolved.
4, 5, 6 - these are circles for friends, work, hobbies, pets and many other things that fill your life.
Next I will give one questionnaire that will help in working with the Circles of Proximity model.
How to deal with those in circles 2 and 3
· 1. Is your relationship with this person safe?
· 2. Am I ready to remain a vulnerable and vulnerable person next to him?
· 3. Do I trust this person?
· 4. Is this person honest with me?
· 5. Is your relationship with this person one-sided?
· 6. Do we tell each other about our feelings?
· 7. Do we respect each other?
· 8. Do we take care of each other?
· 9. Is this relationship good for both?
· 10. Do I enjoy being around this person?
· 11. Is this person happy to be with me?
· 12. Does this person show that he is pleased to see me?
· 13. Can I remain a "Natural Child" with him?
· fourteen. Is this person encouraging me and encouraging me to be a “Natural Child” with him?
· 15. Am I happy / relaxed or stressed / anxious around this person?
· 16. Are we interesting to each other?
· 17. What is the history of our relationship? Have we shared joy / sadness / interests with each other for a long time?
· 18. What interests do we have in common?
· 19. Do we have common values?
· 20. How often do we communicate?
And here's how it happens:
What about this model?
The very first is a codependent relationship in a family where the wife is not present in her own life. But there is a lot of her in her husband's life.
If the daughter is an adult, then she takes not her place, but the place of her husband. Here "psychological incest" is possible, such daughters can forever remain in the parental family or escape from it to marry.
The work is in a place not intended for it, taking the position of a minor child. Sometimes in such a situation there are no children at all, because there is a replacement for them - work. In this case, it is very easy to kill and die at work. And the sense of injustice that is not recognized and not promoted can be very strong too.
The mother takes the right place in a woman's life, we now regard the circles of intimacy as an example.
For practicing psychologists, this tool can be useful at the beginning of therapy by its coverage of the client's entire life, understanding of what is happening in his life as a whole, what is important for him, what is not, how much his life is controlled by him and who are the people (and not only), who are close to the client.
Another function is reflexive, to give the client the opportunity to look at his life on his own, with his own eyes, not through the eyes of a psychologist.
And, finally, as a screening tool with which you can assess the changes that occur in the client's life due to the therapy process.
This model also has a special function - measures of proximity … When you feel an imbalance in what is happening in your life, you can do this test and look at a visual picture of your being. Draw conclusions and deal with the reorganization of life. Being a psychologist to yourself.
And of course, I wish everyone that everything in your life was in its place, especially you yourself.
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