2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
My experience in the field of psychology, a science to which I have devoted ten years, confirms that every person sometimes has doubts about himself. One calls it intuition, the other puts a label on such a feeling: something is wrong with me.
This all-consuming emotion can cloud the mind, cause misunderstandings in the family, and cause quarrels between loved ones. And the worst thing is that sometimes this "something is wrong with me" becomes the cause of eternal anxiety, emotional agitation, and entails a feeling of guilt or an unfulfilled duty to higher powers.
One of the most memorable examples of this work of the psyche was a client who considered herself an aspiring sociopath.
A beautiful girl who had been married for several years, at the age of 30, began to worry that her biological clock was seriously malfunctioning. After all, the time has come to have children, but the desire to find happiness in pregnancy has not appeared. The constant feeling of "malfunction" took over my thoughts so much that I had to seek help from a therapist.
I told her that a sociopath is emotionally hard as a stone, he is rarely bothered by something, but she, on the contrary, was so worried that her emotions did not correspond to generally accepted norms that she decided to turn to a specialist.
After our work, the girl realized that this fear arose due to the inadequacy of social standards. The subconscious divided everything into black and white. But, a person is not a computer; everyone will have their own light and dark side.
We all develop under certain conditions. Someone has had a chance to go through a traumatic situation, someone suffer from separation from a loved one, someone lacks parental attention. Everyone has their own reasons that affect the development of the personality and its uniqueness. Each person and his feelings are special.
Contrary to the opinion of the existence of doubles, it will not be possible to find an identical copy. People are perfect in their imperfection. You can’t follow the familiar conditions and feel “like everyone else”.
The path to restoring inner harmony is accepting oneself as a whole person with all fears, desires and needs. This is allowing yourself to listen to your own desires, to realize the importance of your feelings and thoughts!
I can say with confidence that becoming a real sociopath or misanthrope is destined to be the one who hides and strangles real feelings in himself, does not give himself the opportunity to meet with the inner truth. Suppressed aggression will sooner or later manifest itself, and cause loss of health, joy, meaning in life or relationships with important people.
Do not think that "something is wrong with me" will not affect the usual life. Almost every second person who comes to me for help feels discomfort because of the feeling.
Here are some illustrative examples of how this feeling has affected people's lives:
- One client suddenly felt unhappy during her wedding ceremony. “What's so sad about that? Live and rejoice,”the reader will say. But the shame because of this feeling, which was covered by 300 guests and an expensive dress of a fashionable designer, tormented her for a long time in the following years in marriage.
- A striking example will be the journalist's published essay, where a woman writes that she felt happiness after the death of her father. Of course, if you tell an ordinary person about this, then he may be discouraged by such an inappropriate feeling. But, despite the fact that her feelings were inappropriate, the writer felt it was joy. "Something is wrong with me" gave freedom to her and her father suffering from an incurable disease.
- My close friend, already in adulthood, dared to admit that he hated the New Year and was no longer going to celebrate it. Although everyone should love this holiday, buy gifts, decorate the Christmas tree …
- “Something is wrong with me,” a friend felt when, after an abortion many years ago. She never developed any remorse.
- The man refused to live in the social. networks, stopped reading news, interested in politics. And “something is wrong with me” became a chance to start a new interesting life.
“But you can't do that! This is NOT NORMAL,”the majority would argue. But I always stake on the happy future of my clients. If “something is wrong with me” will give them pleasure and freedom, then why not go against the rules!
Do you think only clients of psychotherapists complain about strange experiences? Whatever it is. Take a closer look at the people around you.
An acquaintance shared with me: “There is an opinion that before death everyone regrets that he spent little time with his family, pursued a career, and did not pay due attention to family responsibilities. So, I will probably be a pioneer! It's much easier for me to do a new project than to spend a weekend with my family, work brings me more pleasure than discussing politics with friends and solving household issues with my wife."
Another client, who had lived in a "good" marriage for 15 years, was delighted at her husband's departure. It would seem that she was abandoned, betrayed, but in fact she blossomed and did not even grieve. The elated soul rejoiced, and the woman's face shone with a smile. The relatives decided that she had developed mental disorders and should immediately put the happy woman for examination.
A revelation for me was the confession of one mother that her real life began after her children moved to "free bread". Scenarios of behavior that are accepted in society will make a verdict - what nonsense? She must be sad, because the chicks flew out of the nest. Although, in fact, a mature woman finally had time for her own hobbies, looking for interesting things to do. Now she can not adjust the schedule for children, but go to beauty salons, and sit until late at night with her friends.
Dessert will be a story about how a guy, having learned about a fatal diagnosis, became happy. Yes, yes, exactly happy! This "something is wrong with me" gave him long-awaited relief. At that moment, his future became determined, he no longer had to worry about another crisis in the country, accumulate savings and follow numerous rules. The people around him believed that he was in a state of shock and therefore offered him various brochures on the topic: "How to accept your illness." And he was glad because he was tired. The diagnosis put an end to many unresolved issues. Of course, this situation is rather an exception to the rule. I brought it here in order to show how different reactions to events in life can be.
Each client working with his therapist is faced with such a request: “listen to true feelings, do not let“right”,“useful”and“should”take over your life. What do you really think about this? How do you feel about this? Throw away what you "need to want" and listen to what you really want?”.
I would like to offer some recommendations for those who have a feeling “something is wrong with me”
They are based on years of experience working with people who feel guilty about not meeting the expectations of others.
In order to regain yourself again:
- Rely solely on your own feelings. Every time before making a decision, listen to your inner voice. What do you really want?
- Do not be ashamed of your feeling that something is wrong with me. Watch yourself, let your uniqueness manifest.
- Do not be shy about your decisions, taste preferences, aspirations. You have the right to be yourself.
- Only a happy person can make his partner happy, raise happy children, achieve success in creativity and realize himself. And happiness is possible only where a person can be himself.
Trying to live up to the expectations of others only aggravates the relationship and leads to frustration.
Prosperity comes with those who are not afraid to make peace with their inner demons. Man is the crown of creation, and in order to manage your life yourself, you need to get to know and make friends with your feelings.
Each "something is wrong with me" is one of the fragments of our uniqueness. The manifestation of the herd instinct "live like everyone else" leads to degradation.
Take care of your "something is wrong with me" and be happy!
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