Devaluation Of Femininity Or How To Find A Decent Man?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In this article I will describe one of the most common, in my opinion, reasons for not accepting one's gender, namely: children's emotional decision to be a child of the opposite sex.

I know of cases when a boy decided that to be a better girl and did not want to be a boy anymore, but wanted to be a girl, however, due to the rather widespread chauvinistic attitude towards women in our society, I will describe the situation how the chauvinistic attitude of his father influenced the whole further life of his daughter.

In my experience, women who have a childish emotional decision “I want to be a boy” either become lesbians, or there is an emphasized eroticism in their image: for example, a deep neckline, a short skirt, etc. and at the same time bright masculine "notes" that cannot be overlooked: clearly masculine elements of clothing: coat, shirt, gloves, and clearly masculine in behavior: gait, gestures, driving style, etc. If you stand next to such a woman, close your eyes and feel how the body reacts to her, then, despite all the external eroticism, there is a clear feeling that you are standing next to a man.

Due to confidentiality requirements, I will not describe a specific case, but will describe a generalized story containing stories from my practice as a psychologist.

Imagine a girl of 2-3 years old, whose father's all the attention is directed to her older brother, the girl realizes that something is wrong with her, since her dad does not give her the attention that she needs. And after a while the girl realizes - what exactly is wrong - that she is a girl, that is, on the part of her father all her childhood there is a devaluation of her femininity, that is, she receives a message from her father (and accepts it): "men / boys are worthy attention and respect, but women / girls - no. " And at the moment when she realizes that getting the attention that she wants, which is vital for her and which her brother receives, it is precisely the fact that she is a girl that hinders her - she makes an emotional decision: “to be a man is good, but a woman is not so I don't want to be a girl, but I want to be a boy."

After a while, the situation gets worse and her father leaves the family and the girl loses even that little bit of her father's attention that she had - and the girl decides that she will become a replacement for her father for her mother, that is, in fact, she unconsciously decides to become for her mother " a psychological husband."

By the time of coming to the consultation, both decisions: "I want to be a boy" and "I will be a substitute for dad for my mother" have long been forgotten and are not recognized, however, the adult woman who came to the consultation still follows them: in the behavior of this woman, open eroticism and obvious male manifestations, she lives with her mother (explaining this by economic reasons, although she earns very well), that is, she fulfills the second decision, and with every man she meets: she tries to prove that she is "stronger", that is, in fact, she tries to prove that she is a "tuned man", but he is not, and with every man who "agrees to such a competition" she manages to prove that she is stronger.

Usually, work with a client, and in this case with a client, begins with the formulation of the request with which she came for a consultation: in this case, the request sounds like this: "I cannot find a decent man who would like me: either a man is not worthy, then I don't like me."

Further psychological work is the work of a detective: from investigation to cause, and it is necessary to make sure that the client herself comes to her childish decision: "to be a boy, but not a girl, so I do not want to be a girl, but I want to be a boy", that is experienced insight.

After she sees this decision: she will see and accept hatred and envy of men, which she was not previously aware of, but influenced relationships not only with men, but also with women: all her attention is directed to men, and relationships with women she does not add up: after all, she still follows her father's counter-instructions: "men / boys are worthy of attention and respect, but women / girls are not" - therefore she herself treats other women with disrespect and wants to be constantly surrounded by men: others women reciprocate and envy her.

After the client sees her old decision, she will be able, on the basis of her adult experience, to cancel her old childish decision and make a new one: "men and women are different, they have different tasks, it is good to be both a man and a woman, and since she was born a woman, she decides to be a woman."