Julia Gippenreiter On The Causes Of Negative Feelings

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Let's talk about unpleasant emotions - anger, anger, aggression. These feelings can be called destructive, since they destroy both the person himself (his psyche, health) and his relationship with other people. They are the constant causes of conflicts, sometimes material destruction, and even wars.

Let's depict the "vessel" of our emotions in the form of a jug. Let's put anger, anger and aggression at the very top of it. We will immediately show how these emotions are manifested in the external behavior of a person. This is so, unfortunately, familiar to many name-calling and insults, quarrels, punishments, actions "out of spite", etc.

Now let us ask: why does anger arise? Psychologists answer this question somewhat unexpectedly: anger is a secondary feeling, and it comes from experiences of a completely different kind, such as pain, fear, resentment.

So, we can place the experiences of pain, resentment, fear, annoyance under the feelings of anger and aggression, as the causes of these destructive emotions (II layer of the "jug").

At the same time, all the feelings of this second layer are passive: they have a greater or lesser share of suffering. Therefore, they are not easy to express, they are usually kept silent about them, they are hidden. Why? As a rule, because of the fear of humiliation, to appear weak. Sometimes a person himself is not very aware of them (“I’m just angry, but I don’t know why!”).

Hiding feelings of resentment and pain is often taught from childhood. Probably, you have heard more than once how the father instructs the boy: "Don't cry, you better learn to fight back!"

Why do “passive” feelings arise? Psychologists give a very definite answer: the cause of pain, fear, resentment is the failure to satisfy needs.

Every person, regardless of age, needs food, sleep, warmth, physical security, etc. These are the so-called organic needs. They are obvious, and we will not talk about them now.

Let's focus on those that are associated with communication, and in a broad sense - with human life among people.

Here is an approximate (far from complete) list of such needs:

A person needs:

to be loved, understood, recognized, respected

so that someone needs him and is close

so that he has success - in business, study, at work

so that he could realize himself, develop his abilities, improve himself,

respect yourself

If there is no economic crisis in the country or, moreover, no war, then on average organic needs are more or less satisfied. But the needs just listed are always at risk!

Human society, despite millennia of its cultural development, has not learned to guarantee psychological well-being (not to mention happiness!) To each of its members. And the task is extremely difficult. After all, a person's happiness depends on the psychological climate of the environment in which he grows, lives and works. And also - from the emotional baggage accumulated in childhood.

Unfortunately, we do not yet have compulsory schools of communication

They are just emerging, and even then - on a voluntary basis.

So, any need from our list may be unfulfilled, and this, as we said, will lead to suffering, and possibly to "destructive" emotions.

Let's take an example. Suppose a person is very unlucky: one failure follows another. This means that his need for success, recognition, perhaps self-respect is not being satisfied. As a result, he may develop persistent disappointment in his abilities or depression, or resentment and anger at the “culprits”.

And this is the case with any negative experience: behind it we will always find some unfulfilled need.

Let's go back to the diagram and see if there is anything below the needs layer? It turns out there is!

It happens that when we meet we ask a friend: "How are you?", "How is life in general?", "Are you happy?" - and we get in response "You know, I'm unlucky", or: "I'm fine, I'm fine!"

These responses reflect a special kind of human experience - attitude to oneself, conclusion about oneself.

It is clear that such attitudes and conclusions can change with the circumstances of life. At the same time, they have a certain “common denominator” that makes each of us more or less an optimist or a pessimist, more or less self-confidence, and therefore more or less resistant to the blows of fate.

Psychologists have devoted a lot of research to these experiences of themselves. They call them differently: self-perception, self-image, self-assessment, and more often - self-esteem. Perhaps the most successful word was invented by V. Satyr. She called this complex and difficult to convey sense of self-worth.

Scientists have discovered and proven several important facts. First, they discovered that self-esteem (we will use this more familiar word) strongly affects a person's life and even destiny.

Another important fact: the foundation of self-esteem is laid very early, in the very first years of a child's life, and depends on how his parents treat him.

The general law here is simple: A positive attitude towards oneself is the basis of psychological survival.

Basic needs: " I am loved! "," I am good! "," I can! ».

At the very bottom of the emotional jug is the most important "jewel" given to us by nature - the feeling of the energy of life. Let's depict it in the form of a "sun" and denote it with the words: " I am!"Or more pathetically:" It is I, Lord! »

Together with the basic aspirations, it forms an initial feeling of oneself - a feeling of inner well-being and the energy of life!"