Love Yourself For Who You Are

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Love yourself for who you are! I have been conducting women's trainings for several years now, and one cannot do without the theme of "Love". What kind of life would a woman have without love. And what amazes me all this time is that women in the first place, as a rule, put love for children, parents, men, and love for oneself somewhere, at best, in last place between the cat Vasya and the poor fourth cousin. And this is very sad …

And how is that? Love yourself? Yes, I kind of love myself so much. I would add like a classic, but with a strange love.

Be in love Is a verb. So these are actions! How it all starts. We form our attitude towards ourselves almost from the very first conscious years of life. Often, the way our parents treated us is the foundation of future self-esteem, future attitude to oneself, at the same time at the most global level. Just remember how often you were told “I love” in your childhood, whether they told you that. How often did your parents take care of you, even if you did something wrong, even if you got into trouble … How often you were scolded for all sorts of trifles, blamed, said that you were somehow not like that.

And, of course, where without affectionate parental criticism: "Everybody's children are like children, and you..", "Your hands are not from that place", "Are you stupid?", "Well, when will you become normal?", "Why are you doing everything wrong all the time?", "Why are you letting us down like that?" And the child develops "not self-love." Why love yourself? Someone is lucky and he gets in his family with an abundance of love and understanding, his parents accept him and are ready to love him, regardless of what he does and how he behaves. Such a child is trusted and accepted along with all the qualities. Someone does not - he was often scolded, offended.

We all received a different "inheritance", but this in no way diminishes or removes any, any of us from the opportunity to be happy and feel more than confident and harmonious in the present day. You just have to pay attention to what is right now and start moving in the right direction.

And if from childhood we took out a suitcase filled with reproaches, criticism, humiliation, there is a substitution of love for oneself with a kind of surrogate.

• Someone “loves” himself as much as possible not to love such beauty, look at these legs, at this height, at the figure! (there is irony in the voice, sometimes bitterness, similar to the intonation of ridiculed parents).

• Another version of "love". I pamper myself with sweets and sweets all the time. I feed - it means I love. As a rule, such a person does not recognize true emotional hunger, replacing it with a physical one.

• Person - a brand (I wanted to call something like that) I love myself and can afford the most expensive and fashionable.

Self-love is replaced by expensive accessories, the price of which is designed to increase its own "price". Similar to the behavior of idealizing and shaming parents.

What is it, self love? Self-love is taking care of yourself. But true love is not just care, but joyful care when you want to, when there is joy in your soul from the very process of caring. If this is not the case, there is self-care, but there is no self-love, there is simply functional self-service.

So, some people seem to take care of themselves: they wash themselves, develop themselves, feed themselves, treat themselves - they seem to care. But look at this: no, he does not look like a loving person!

What is he missing? He takes care of himself - without joy, and when there is no joy, there is no love.

Love, first of all, is a feeling. A feeling that can be described in words: joy, tenderness, pride, pleasure, admiration, the desire to observe and be close, to look and accompany, support and help. Thus, love contains two components: to feel something and to do something in relation to a loved one.and love. And to love, as I already wrote this action!

Self-love is a natural and joyful concern for yourself, for your body, mind, and soul. And then my clients ask me a question, everything seems to be clear, but how will I do it in practice. In this case, I like the metaphor of "a good mother and an evil stepmother."

You can love yourself like a “kind mother”, gently treat yourself to bathe yourself with scented foams, gently comb your hair, say compliments, support in difficult situations, if possible, ask for help, be sincere with yourself to feel. Or "like a stepmother" there are many ways for someone who has enough imagination, you can write yourself on the head, scold for any offense, criticize, rely only on someone else's opinion, people know better, I want nothing, I just need to eat and must, I am sick, nothing terrible from such do not die, oh yes, your desires in the hierarchy after the cat! How can you give love and care to others when you are hungry and have nothing to give …

"If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love someone else?" ~ Ru Paul

I usually have one recipe, because I don’t know another, this is psychotherapy, which begins with getting to know my “I”, with myself. These are small steps to understanding yourself and others. Here is one little task that I suggest trying to do, for some time to write on the list of "100 of my wonderful qualities."

Someone can find this task easier, at least the first 20 points, while others cannot start the list at all.

And the qualities can be painfully simple:

I cook wonderfully pear jam

I distinguish a rose from a lily

I know how to take care of kids

I knit blankets

I know the game "At the Bear's Forest" and I can play it

I read War and Peace in its entirety, now it is oh-ho, what an achievement! Etc.

There are many reasons to be proud of yourself, praise yourself, respect and, of course, LOVE. So, a few simple, but at the same time difficult at first steps.

What would a "good mom" do ^

I watched, looked closely and listened, and then would do some kind of action. We observe ourselves, listen to our feelings and correlate with desires. Hard enough without preparation!

Treats with understanding. Understand yourself! Support yourself.

What does it mean? To understand - to realize the motivation, motivating forces of the phenomenon, deed, thoughts, feelings, to answer the question "why?" And How?" this event or situation takes place;

To support - to express your good attitude to this phenomenon, deed, thought, feeling, belief that in general it is good or can be good;

Mom would understand and support and believe in strengths and opportunities.

Allowing “bad feelings” to be in your life That is, allowing you to express such conditionally negative feelings as anger, guilt, shame, irritation. Find a form to express them. Allow yourself to be sincere.

A necessary condition for self-love is the ability to notice in oneself natural processes, "bad" or "unflattering", but such human and treats them with respect. Mom would listen, forgive and comfort.

So, in small steps towards the goal - to love yourself and accordingly notice and love your loved ones. And then self-love and selfishness are two different things that you will learn to distinguish.