2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
At one of my self-support groups, we studied "Focusing" - the method of J. Jendlin for working with bodily sensations. The results turned out to be very interesting, and the main advantage of the method, in my opinion, is that it allows you to safely go through the discomfort and go to the resource state "behind" it. Because (and this was very clearly seen during the lessons) we, as a rule, act in such a way that when faced with unpleasant sensations, at some point we "jump back" and try to "close the topic", as a result of which we go to the "second circle ", followed by the third and fourth.
This is walking in circles usually increases the initial discomfort to really difficult to endure - the more there were "circles" of the process, the more it "accumulates", and the more difficult it is to cope. It is much better the first time, instead of a "step back", to move forward, and let the process reach its climax, so that a bodily and emotional "shift" occurs in the state.
But it is not easy to do this, and here I already want to start discussing a broad topic that I have put in the title. Unfortunately, ordinary human corporeality is "traditionally" frightening in our culture. There are historical reasons for this, both worldwide and within the country, scale. MV Belokurova has already written about the influence on the corporality of history in the article "", I will say about "generations of dead mothers".
"Dead Mother" is Andre Green's official term, which he used to refer to depressed, emotionally / psychologically unresponsive mothers. (A. Green's article about this is here)
On the territory of Russia, whole generations of such specific mothers can be observed simply by virtue of the vicissitudes of history that are known to everyone - revolutions, dispossession of kulaks, wars, repressions, etc. Moreover, the less an event is discussed and covered in society, the more likely it is that it will become a family secret, a "ghost" tormenting children from this family.
If you highlight the main "core of trauma" is the absolute priority of survival, obsession with it to the detriment of everything else.
More than once I have read in the arguments of traumatics a very rough but accurate phrase "We fed the carcass, but shit in the soul" - this is the very priority of survival. It is quite obvious that there is not even an idea about any feelings, self-realization and comfort in this picture of the world. The maximum that can be added is a "decent" outer shell, the purpose of which, again, is not in one's own pleasure, but in uniting with others, so as not to be rejected and not to be left without help in the event of a "next disaster". Those. it's just another facet of survival.
What do those kids get who are forced to grow up with such "surviving" mothers? Firstly, these mothers themselves are in great disagreement with their bodies, because if they begin to feel, they will face the strongest, already accumulated pain (pain of loss of their loved ones, property, life itself in its normal form, not crippled, for example, by war) - and, most importantly, feelings are a hindrance to survival.
Secondly, children from a very early age get used to the fact that they “have no right” to show discomfort, which very quickly turns into a lack of a “right” to even feel it. As a result, all "minor discomforts" accumulate, undermining the entire system from within, significantly reducing the endurance, quantity and quality of the vital resource, and stability. After all, what is "intentionally" (as a result of developed defenses) is not noticed at the conscious level, is still perfectly noticed by the unconscious.
"The pain from a thousand cuts" is sometimes much worse than the pain from one gaping wound, because it is a shame to present cuts. And all this, by the way, has a direct bearing on discrimination and xenobophy practiced in our society. Not having an inner support (on his body, his emotions), a person "grabs" the support outside - and this is often stereotypes, rigid outdated rules of society. It's dangerous to be alive among the "dead" and those who consciously begin to work on themselves, sometimes face the resistance of their environment, with attempts to "pull them back", return them to their previous state, and find themselves squeezed between the pressure of the family and society and their own inner desire to "be among their own", to be accepted, unrejected, which is normally inherent in any person. Therefore, to all of us, traumatics working on ourselves, my personal admiration and respect!
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