2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A resource can be understood as time, money, or whatever. Probably, each of you has met a person who is missing something for himself. The purchase of a new jacket is delayed over and over again. Because at the last moment the money somehow goes away - for a suit for a child, or a new mixer is needed in the bathroom, or suddenly good boots for my husband turned up so successfully. And to myself - another time. And in general, the creepers are over. If this happens all the time, then there is a problem. The point is not that there is not enough money. They are not enough for you.
Or take time. Who has not seen a person who has time to do a lot - and cook, and do homework with a child, and buy groceries, and earn money, and slowly repair the kitchen … But the hair is already desperate to wait for a visit to the hairdresser. And the tooth aches periodically. Well at least not very much yet. Because the dentist has not been able to get to the dentist for the third week. It's not that there isn't enough time. He is always lacking for himself.
Always like this. If there is a shortage of some resource, a person will solve it with his own hands at his own expense. Always. Because it's a shame to take what is yours. Because it gnaws at wine if you say: wait, but this time I need it more. Because such a thought does not come to mind. People are even proud of this and call it - “to be a good mother, wife, husband, father, mistress, employee … substitute what you need yourself.
Do you think such people make it to the psychotherapist? They don't reach it for a very long time. Because it means spending an hour of time and a certain amount of money on yourself. But sooner or later, yes.
A person cannot give and take nothing forever. Can't give more than he takes. For a while, yes. At the expense of an internal resource. But this resource, in fact, is a reserve in case of a difficult period, illness or a difficult but necessary breakthrough, an important matter. And if life is built in such a way that a person constantly receives less than he gives, then slowly, drop by drop, this supply is being used up. And then - absolutely inviolable NZ. And nervous exhaustion sets in. And the person is overtaken by depression, apathy, powerlessness. Disappointment in relationships. Anger at loved ones. Lack of joy, because, firstly, there is nothing to rejoice at - a person denies himself everything. And secondly, there is no longer any strength to rejoice.
Very often people do not understand what the matter is. There was no grief, no particular stress. Didn't get sick, didn't get injured. Why, out of the blue, is such a state? Because exhaustion came imperceptibly, and this made it even more insidious.
If you wait a little longer, the body often provides the regime change itself - it gets sick. And so that doctors can not find the reasons and cure - too. This is called psychosomatics. Because to say: "I need this" "No, I don't have time now, I have my own business." “This time we will buy boots for me” - they just don’t allow themselves to do that. And if I get sick or get sick, then it seems like it’s possible.
This is where people come to a psychotherapist. Some with depression and loss of joy. Some - because "I have become irritable and constantly angry with loved ones, correct me." Some already have psychosomatics.
They - people who do not have a resource for themselves - can be seen immediately. For this, it is not necessary to be a psychotherapist either. But they themselves cannot understand for a long time that they are simply exhausted. When they are convinced of this, it is time to study their resources and needs. The questions arise: how much can I give without harm to myself, and how much and what do I need to receive in order to restore the balance? How to change your life so as not to ruin your relationship, not to offend your loved ones? Am I eligible? How to deal with feelings of guilt? What am I happy about and recovering from?
And this is a story about psychotherapy and recovery.
If you know for yourself that you do not have enough time, money, energy, attention or something else for yourself, if you are solving the problem of a lack of resources in the family or at work, most often at your own expense - find time and ways to study your needs and condition. Learn to take and give. Refuse without harming the relationship and accept refusals. Understand what you need now, what will make you happy, feel better, become happier and how to get it.
Learn to take what is your birthright - life and joy from it.
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