The Role Of Anger In The Passage Of Life Crises

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Topic angerand, in my opinion, although it is extremely relevant for modern practical psychology, however, it is either presented in a simplified model of "expression angera "or by deep psychoanalytic substantiations of its presence. Moreover, the second, often with a genuine shade of rejection of this feeling. Otherwise, why do most of the references to" anger", basically this is a description of methods of how to cope with it. Using the example of the transactional analysis model, I will try to consider the positive aspects of this feeling and the accompanying emotions, so as not to rush to get rid of it. What if it comes in handy?))) The concept of ego states by Eric Berne suggests we have 2 ego states of the Inner Child, which in the context of this topic we have to differentiate: Rebellious (Adaptive) Child and Free Child … At a certain stage of development at the age of 2-3 years, the first crisis occurs, the purpose of which is to gain a certain independence in the development of living space. The tasks of this stage of the child's development are to master the skills of self-regulation of behavior on their own without the help of a parent. The first "I myself" becomes a real test for moms and dads, who must be ready to allow the child to do independent independent things: to run back some distance on a walk, letting go of mom's hand, try to get dressed or choose something, etc. etc. This is the first assimilation of the energy of action, which is directly related to the manifestation of anger. The challenge for parents is, first, to acknowledge and respect anger as a valid emotion. Parents should also show constructive expressions of anger. The only things they shouldn't do is suppress, ignore, or retaliate violently. Having firmly and calmly stopped the child's hand, brought up for a blow, the parent must translate the energy of anger into a constructive form. For example, say: “I see that you are angry. Tell me what you want (what you don't like)."

The unresolved tasks of this crisis will reappear in the adolescent crisis, which is traditionally considered the age of rebellion. And if the child already has the experience of suppressing anger by this age, then the bursting energy of anger will give parents another chance to help him learn to translate it "into a peaceful channel." Respect for the personality of a teenager at a given age becomes the most important and at the same time the most difficult action for parents. And the extremely important parental "no" should be for a teenager not violence and devaluation of his personality and abilities, but reliable, solid and stable "banks for the river of his raging emotions." Parents who find it difficult to say no are justifiably faced with a lot of clandestine, “guerrilla” actions on the part of their child. The only way for him to distinguish guerrilla actions from free behavior is through the experience and correct tactics of the parent, who has his own inner right to express anger. Of course, parents at this age are rarely authorities and a teenager will be lucky if there is at least one person around him who possesses this knowledge and skills. Otherwise, the “fight for freedom” can last the rest of your life. "Guerrillas" and "revolutionaries" will grow into adult boys and girls, whose emotional age has not passed the limit of adolescence. And, of course, the overwhelming majority of those whose rebellion was brutally suppressed at this age by their parents and the nearest society will become obedient "good" girls and boys. And if the "revolutionaries" and "partisans" have at least some illusion of freedom, then these will only dream of it, feeling themselves prisoners of this world. But neither one nor the other can be truly free and happy, tk. banning their Inner Parent will be decisive for making decisions about their own lives. Both of these categories will seem to be very different and unlike, however, they are just two sides of the same coin. Both of them have to depend on and reckon with the opinion of the Parent. Only some obey him, while others fight. Life gives us another chance to get past this dilemma of choosing between freedom and rebellion - a midlife crisis. This is the place where you pass from the first to the second half of life, which will require the energy of anger for the final separation from the Parent. And if the first half of our life we are unconsciously living following parental prescriptions and justifying their expectations, then the second half should be devoted exclusively to the needs of our Inner Child: emotional, spiritual, creative. Separation always requires energy. And this is the energy of anger, which could be “condemned” as a negative aggressive emotion, first by our external, and then by the Inner Parent and is under arrest. The accumulated energy at this age can by this moment already destroy our personality structure in the form of neurosis, depression, etc. or our body in the form of chronic diseases. Or this energy can break free by uncontrollable behavior in the form of self-destructive behavior: addictions (alcohol, food, sexual, play, etc.). Having lost the meaning of life, because previous values go away, goals are achieved or become impossible to achieve, potential has decreased and is not replenished, relationships have not become close, etc. the person begins to unconsciously strive for death as a way to solve this problem. Life during this period requires a mandatory revision of experience and goals. Having climbed to the top of the mountain, you need to look around and revise the contents of the backpack, see what we have, and what we have to part with, because it is a useless load. The lack of resources for setting new goals, for separating from parents and children who are already setting off on an independent voyage, for parting with unfulfilled hopes and illusions and real losses, must be made up. But by this time, all known sources have already been exhausted and attempts to find them outside of oneself are doomed to failure if the person has not mastered the energy of internal anger. The previous forms of revolution and guerrilla warfare at this age lead to their natural end in the form of subsequent repression and depression. The romance of revolution is good in youth, but in adulthood, anger requires clear reforms. And the lack of permission for anger, which was presented as an illegal form, violation of rules and boundaries, will not give an individual the opportunity to master the tasks of this crisis. She simply does not have enough strength. Freedom, like a "carrot tied in front of the nose", will remain unattainable only because neither in childhood, nor in adolescence, nor in adulthood has a person received the right to express anger, to his rebellion against the rules restricting his freedom and norms and experience of translating this revolt into peaceful reforms. Rules and regulations don't always change based on our needs. They, in principle, do not tend to change quickly. And we need to rebel, if only in order for those around us to know that we have grown up and the former boundaries are close to us. We need to express our disagreement, overcoming the fear that we will not be accepted with our new needs. And we need to manifest the energy of anger like a chick that cannot hatch from an egg without breaking the shell. If we have not been given permission to exercise our power to grow, then it is our responsibility to ourselves to obtain it. We will try to figure it out at the training on May 16-17 in Moscow "The Whole Truth About the Midlife Crisis", tel. +7 495 6290736. Pre-registration is required.