Women Who Love Too Much

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

This article is an excerpt from the books by Robin Norvu - Women Who Love Too Much. If to you to love means to suffer, this book will change your life. I highly recommend reading for those who work with addictive relationships or those who are trying to figure them out on their own.

“Dysfunctional is a family whose members play tough roles, and communication between them is strictly limited to statements corresponding to these roles. Members of such a family do not have the right to express the full range of experiences, desires, needs and feelings, but should be limited to fulfilling their roles, which are consistent with the roles played by other family members. Roles are present in all families, but in order for a family to remain prosperous, its members must change along with changing circumstances and adapt to each other. Thus, maternal care, appropriate for a one-year-old child, is completely unsuitable for a thirteen-year-old, so the role of the mother must change to match reality. In dysfunctional families, basic aspects of reality are denied, and the roles remain rigid.

If no one has the right to discuss the issue of what affects each family member individually and the family as a whole, moreover, such discussions are prohibited - implicit (the topic of conversation is changing) or explicit (“We do not want to talk about such things! ), - we learn not to trust our impressions or feelings. Our family denies our reality, and we also begin to deny it. And this seriously disrupts our normal development when we learn to live and interact with people. It is this fundamental disruption of normal development that is inherent in women who love too much. We lose our ability to see when someone or something harms us. Those situations that others would consider dangerous, unpleasant or harmful and, naturally, would try to get around, we are not repelled, because we are not able to assess them realistically or guided by the instinct of self-preservation. Either we don’t trust our feelings, or we don’t use their prompts. On the contrary, we are attracted by precisely those dangers, intrigues, dramas and trials that other people with a healthier and more balanced past would naturally shy away from. Because of this attraction, we inflict even more damage on ourselves, because much of what attracts us is a repetition of what we already experienced during growing up. We get more and more injuries.

Such a woman - a woman who loves too much - none of us becomes by accident. If a girl grows up in our society, and even in such a family, this can create some predictable patterns of behavior. Here are signs typical of women who are overly in love, like Jill, and maybe you.

1. Typically, you grew up in a dysfunctional family where your emotional needs were unresponsive.

2. You yourself received little genuine care, and therefore you are trying to compensate for this unmet need by becoming a nanny, especially for those men who, for one reason or another, seem to you to be flawed.

3. Since you never managed to change your parents to give the love and affection that you lacked so much, you react sharply to a familiar type of emotionally unavailable man, whom you can try to change again by giving him your love.

4. Fearing that you will be abandoned, you are ready to do whatever you want to keep the connection from breaking.

5. For you there is almost nothing too troublesome, time consuming or expensive, if it can "help" the person to whom you are attached.

6. You are used to a lack of love in close relationships, and therefore you are ready to wait, hope and try even harder to please a man.

7. In relationships with men, you are ready to take on a large share of responsibility, guilt and reproaches every time.

8. Your self-esteem is at a critically low level, and deep down you do not think you are worthy of happiness. Rather, you think you must still earn the right to enjoy life.

9. As a child, you did not feel protected, and therefore feel an urgent need to be the mistress of your men and your relationships. You pass off this desire to manage people and situations as a desire to be useful.

10. In relationships, you rely much more on the dream of what they could be than on the real situation.

11. You suffer from male addiction and emotional pain.

12. You may have an emotional and often biochemical predisposition to abuse drugs, alcohol and / or certain foods, especially those rich in sugar.

13. You are attracted to people who are burdened with problems that require resolution, or you get involved in confusing, uncertain and emotionally painful situations, and this does not allow you to focus on the responsibility that you have to yourself.

14. You may be prone to bouts of depression and, to prevent them, try to take advantage of the excitement that an unstable relationship provides you.

15. You are not attracted to kind, reliable, level-headed men who show interest in you. Nice guys like that seem boring to you."

“Women who love too much. If “to love” means “to suffer,” to you, this book will change your life. - Robin Norwood