Misunderstanding

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Recently I have come across situations in which communication difficulties arise.

We can't even imagine how lucky we are that we have been given a speech. It is not given to animals. And with speech, we have formed the 2nd higher nervous system, which animals do not have.

And what is the bottom line?

We know a lot of words, but misunderstandings occur. There are many different aspects to this misunderstanding. I'll tell you about those that have come across recently.

Reluctance to hear. This can be during a period of emotional arousal and this period needs to be given time to pass. Once the emotional state is stabilized, the person will acquire the ability to perceive others.

Also, a person does not hear when there is an idea or thoughts in his head that he wants not only to voice, but to instill in another. He is so obsessed with the fact that his thought is just what his interlocutor needs, that by all means he wants to make sure that his thought is heard and embodied in his life.

This has happened to many of us. The more we grow up, the more we understand that it is worth accepting that our thoughts do not fit other people. Others have made a choice in favor of other thoughts and are actively applying them in their lives. The more we accept other people's choices, the more we begin to hear each other.

Inability to express your feelings. Our feelings. How do we express them? How do we voice our anger, resentment, pain? More often than not, we say: you hurt me; from me because you …; forever you. All our phrases are "you". They are aimed at the fact that the other is not like that. And it turns out that we blame. We must turn the conversation to ourselves: I feel pain; resentment inside me.

There is a very good formula:

my feelings> the reason for these feelings> why I feel them> a request for the future.

For example: “I feel anger and irritation (my feelings) when you do not answer my question (why they arise), because it seems to me that you are ignoring me (why I feel like this). It would be more pleasant and easier for me to be in this situation if you said at such a moment the reason why you do not want to answer the question. Even if the answer is: “I don’t want to answer the question (request)”.

Now compare: “I'm angry because of you. Why is it so difficult to answer questions? You ruined my whole mood."

The choice is yours.

Use of abstract phrases. What are abstract phrases? Or generalized phrases. Met with such phrases: "how to live with you"; "You are always dissatisfied with everything"; "You always quarrel with everyone"; “That's what kind of daughter you are”; "What kind of mother are you if your child …" and many different similar phrases?

What is important in such cases?

Explain what the person means by these phrases. Clarify every word. It is advisable if you do this at the time of the conversation. However, it is possible after. It often happens that such phrases hurt us, and we walk with them for many days, and maybe all our lives. Such phrases may sound like an inner critic or like wounds that do not heal.

So, an example of the clarification, "you always quarrel with everyone":

- Which means to you that I always quarrel with everyone.

- Explain, please, always - this is how often? what frequency of quarrels always means to you?

- With everyone - with whom? Who are you singling out for me to quarrel with?

- What is a quarrel for you?

All of us success in such a difficult moment of misunderstanding))) still warm and good relations win and contact with each other always becomes closer.