Under The "protection" Of The Tyrant

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

We are talking about women with a victim position who have experienced a complex psychological phenomenon - addiction to violence.

Thus, women suffer from domestic violence. Basically, these situations are associated with the arbitrary behavior of the spouse (civil husband), who seeks to maintain power, controls almost every step of the woman.

It should be noted that domestic violence is rarely episodic or exceptional. On the contrary, being a collection of destructive behavioral reactions, domestic violence is firmly entrenched in the family and becomes a frequent occurrence in it.

Domestic violence includes:

• Verbal abuse
• Intimidation
• The use of physical force,

that is, a set of options for the abuse of a woman. And thus, the victimology of a woman's personality acquires stability and preservation of views.

So, one client (the quote is agreed upon) talked about how her husband, despotic and authoritarian, humiliating her for every unpleasant situation in everyday life (whether it was unsalted soup or shed laundry during washing), punished her with his shouts and insults.

"I didn’t come out of fools, stupid. Obscene swearing poured out like a cornucopia. For ten years he was constantly jealous of me, called me with the letter b … until I cheated on him. It was scary, disgusting, humiliating …. I began to understand that I am turning into that powerless, half-living creature with complete atrophy of feelings and emotions. Every day for ten years I heard these insults from him and already began to consider myself as such … ".

For many years, women do not even know that domestic violence is happening to them. After all, if the husband forbids working, meeting with friends, inspires guilt, etc., then this means …

Working with victimized women, I noted that distorted perceptions, often based on the family-generic scenario, on the model of parental relationships, did not allow them to comprehend and restrained the mechanisms of understanding the objective picture of family relationships. Most of them get used to this situation. Young women’s initial experiences and anxieties are smoothed out by the “wise” advice of older women.

"He beats, so he loves", "God endured and told us!"

I will also give an example from practice with the consent of the client. The woman is 60 years old, widowed 10 years ago. The husband was a drunken alcoholic with aggressive behavior. Lived together for thirty years. Over the years, she repeatedly pumped him out due to alcohol abuse, suffered from beatings and betrayals, in a particularly violent state he became dangerous, and a woman with two children was forced to hide with neighbors or relatives. And now she has been a widow for ten years. Children have grown up, there are grandchildren. I went six months ago to visit relatives in another city on vacation and met a man of the same age there. "But I can't forget my husband! I can't! Nothing makes me happy. After all, I never even gave flowers, but it seems that He is my whole life! And this one renders so much attention, flowers, sweets … does not drink, does not smoke, master of sports, coach … In time to hang yourself … ".

Paradoxically, almost all women answered that they could not get away from their husbands from inexplicable fear and, at the same time, from some illusory effect of "security." That is, control over their lives, jealousy, and aggression of their husbands were explained as a distorted manifestation of love.

Often a woman begins to believe in this so much that self-deception becomes her main consolation in life. "For the sake of the children I will endure everything", "without me he will be lost" and the key - "everyone goes through this" …

Thus, fearing to recognize the situation as dangerous (really dangerous, if not even fatal), a woman for many years plunges into the state of a victim who has no choice to correct the situation. The cyclical nature of domestic violence has its peak phases and phases of tension recession, in which a woman practically forgets, forgives her tyrant, with whom she is "now comfortable and safe" ("After all, he does everything with his own hands, and I am not a gift myself").

The most difficult aspects of getting used to a destructive family scenario reflect multiple foci of psychotrauma, deep feelings of a person. Accordingly, those fatal traumas disrupt the process of comprehending and comprehending a dangerous cohabitation, which predicts many years of torment and suffering.