Femme Fatale And Femme Fatale. From The Series "Fateful Meetings"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Meetings with fatal people lead both to external changes in a person's life and to deformation of his personality and mental structures. For this reason, when analyzing a person's personal history, it makes sense for a psychologist to identify not only social scenarios or susceptibility to cyclically repeating psychological games, but pay attention to fateful events that changed the logic of a person's life, as well as meetings that are significant for him.

There are several types of figures or "cultural heroes" with which fate usually confronts us in life:

• beloved (beloved),
• friend,
• teacher,
• enemy.

In some cases, we can talk about literary heroes or heroes of films, as well as social idols, but these figures usually do not play such a personally charged role as loved ones or friends.

The most dramatic and energetically charged ones are usually meetings with a person with whom we are deeply in love, so in this article we would like to analyze just such situations.

What makes love "fatal"

Love can become "fatal" for someone simply because it was not mutual or the lovers could not keep it. In some cases, love can be completely consumed by jealousy and naked passion, sometimes all this crazy energy is used to play some violent social games, under the control of which is the psyche of one or both lovers.

One of the varieties of social games that work on the energy of love and passion are "duel games". There is also a set of different sado-masochistic games in which people torment each other in scandals, quarrels and mutual tyranny.

So, images of fatal men and women arise in people's lives for several reasons:

• Love broke out, which turned out to be very strong, but not mutual.
• The lovers could not keep in their hands such a strong and hot feeling. This can happen due to naivety and inexperience, or due to the extreme youthful egocentrism and childish pride, which young people often suffer from, or for some other reason.
• Love becomes fatal, for the reason that its energy was used to play social games, from which the lovers were not free. At the same time, people can "infect" each other with their "favorite games" or compete fiercely over the rules according to which they will harass one another.
• There are people who indulge in "love confusion", having very specific and conscious plans to conquer and bridle another person. That is, they consciously enter the game, wanting to play the role of a femme fatale or femme fatale in it. We can say that such people are subject to a specific psychological dependence, which manifests itself in a tendency to manipulate other people and submit them to their will. Love layouts open up great scope for the practice of such games.

As mentioned above, fatal love can break a person, but it can also become a stimulus for development. In any case, this meeting turns into severe stress and a strong test. Below are sections describing the effects that sometimes appear in a person's life after an encounter with a fatal man or woman.

Femme fatale as a "black teacher"

Almost all people come across in their lives with those who attract their attention with some ability, knowledge or special personal qualities - with those from whom they have something to learn. This can be either an official or an informal teacher. The important thing is that in this case, discipleship is a free choice. A person perceives this meeting as something positive and knows exactly what he wants to learn from such a teacher.

But in some cases, life begins to teach a person against his will, and she can do this quite cruelly and mercilessly. The person who passes on their experience by presenting positive role models can be called a "white teacher", and the metaphor of "black teacher" can be used to describe the one who teaches a person the bitter lessons.

In the situation of love dramas, the role of the black teacher is usually played by the "femme fatale" or "femme fatale". So a young man, hopelessly in love with his beast, can be brutally kicked out of the capsule of his egocentrism, having experienced mental pain, he becomes more sensitive to the experiences of other people. Such a woman can ruthlessly break up and rudely ridicule all the cunning tricks and psychological defenses with which the young man previously covered his weaknesses and shortcomings. As a result, the previously infantile and narcissistic young man turns out to be pretty beaten and psychologically tortured, but he has a chance to become more mature and responsible.

In another case, a girl, having suffered in communication with her fatal man, becomes a great expert in identifying "intriguers", "narcissists" and "manipulators". You can look at her difficult history from a different angle and see that the encounter with this person turned out to be something like a tough and intense communication training for her, when a person learns to maintain dignity and self-control in stressful situations and an atmosphere of heightened emotional tension. Nothing contributes to the formation of social reflection as long-term communication with a “professional manipulator”.

Very often the femme fatale becomes for young people something like an “inspiring angel. And despite the fact that the wings of this angel are not at all white, a collision with him provokes a person to self-development and awakens great ambitions in him. If only because I really want to show “what eagle she lost”, whom she rejected and about whom she wiped her feet.

In general, one of the main tasks that a psychologist solves when working with a person who has encountered a femme fatale or femme fatale is helping to transform this bitter experience from meaningless suffering and worry into a positive lesson for the future.

Defloration of the egocentric psyche

Very often people throughout their youth, and sometimes childhood, cherish and cherish their special inner world or image of themselves. And even imagining their future lover or beloved, they draw this relationship in such a way that this person should be sent to them by fate solely in order to appreciate how beautiful their inner world and all their external manifestations are. A loved one should consider in them something that they cannot admit to themselves yet, but which they are inwardly striving for. Sometimes it is said about such people that a boy or a girl "is in the image."

When two such people, being in the image, fall in love with each other, then at first it seems to them that they are in heaven and happiness finally came to them. It seems to them that exactly what they have dreamed of for so long is happening to them. All this continues until they begin to notice that their partner does not at all seek to meet all their expectations and hopes, and moreover, he begins to demand that they meet some of his idiotic ideas and requests.

Very often, first love turns into a series of scandals and quarrels, and people begin to study each other not with revealing the secret depths of each other's inner world, but with identifying mutual shortcomings. Having entered a series of quarrels and resentments, they are not able to see in another person what they were initially attracted to in him, what they intuitively strove for. Instead, they point out flaws to each other and exchange recriminations.

Sometimes the first love ends at the stage of collecting accusations against a loved one, and people remain closed in their egocentric world, in their psyche, without seeing the psyche of another. But if love was strong, or at least stronger than pride, then it manages to break through the veil that protects the human psyche from meeting with the inner world of another.

The problem is that such insights do not always happen with both lovers. Only one of the participants in the love drama manages to see the personality of his beloved, and an acute feeling of the presence in the world of another person who seems to him so close, dear and desirable, bursts into his soul. At the same time, his partner can maintain the integrity of his egocentrism.

Very often, the first sexual relationship is ridiculous, awkward and even painful. Likewise, first love rarely goes smoothly. Some people manage not to lose their spiritual virginity, even after changing several partners. Usually all these stories turn out to be similar to one another, and they always encounter "manipulators", "narcissists" and "objectors".

In this case, both those who made a “psychological defloration” with a person and those whose encounter ended with only meaningless experiences, when “over the course of days, only the details of pain, and not happiness, are more visible” can turn into fatal men and women.

Getting into the club of "extreme love"

In those cases when a man, faced with his femme fatale or his femme fatale, begins to imitate his lifestyle and relationships, we can say that he fell into the club of “extreme love”. It can be a completely conscious desire to "take revenge on all women" or all men for their trampled feelings and tormented soul, and an unconscious attack on the same rake. As it was sung in one popular Soviet song: "the one from which I was stolen will also steal in revenge." And so in a circle.

The image of a fatal person can overwhelm the magic of the father's or mother's images in our psyche. And then, due to this imprinting, people begin to fall in love not with those who are somehow similar to their mother or father, but reminds them of the very love that became fatal for them. In this case, we can observe a situation where family scenarios are replaced by social games.

When working with people who are members of the club of "extreme love", psychologists may try to find the reason for such a tendency to "love fights" or "psychological wrestling" in a person's childhood. But it would be more productive to look for the causes of repetitive behavioral patterns not in childhood, but in a later period of a person's life, identifying fateful events and meetings in his life.

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With some reservations, one can agree with the statement that the first femme fatale for a man is his mother, and the first femme fatale for a girl is her father. But sometimes people from happy families with loving and adequate parents find themselves in love affairs that are very strange for their family scenarios.

And there is no reason to say that all the love problems of people from dysfunctional families are caused precisely by their negative family scenarios. Our life is not always determined by some one factor, there is a place in it and chance, which then becomes a pattern.