"Psychological Start" Of A Person

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

People are born, develop and live in different social conditions. And it is very difficult and, by and large, shortsighted to assess the degree of success of people who grew up in different cultural, social and material circles using the same measure.

Our psychological growth also has its own "launching pad".

Two people can grow up in the same material conditions, but one grows up in a large friendly family, where everyone helps each other, knows how to quarrel and make peace, hug each other, talk about their love, sincerely admire each other's successes and empathize in grief.

And the other does not know what is the interested attention of the father or the kind word from the mother. They do not reckon with him, they are not interested in his experiences, he must cope with his problems on his own.

The difference in the received psychological experience determines the "psychological start" of a person.

Last week in my feed there was a wave of posts about the difference in attitudes towards the "starting" position in the perception of children of wealthy parents and people who grew up in financially disadvantaged families.

It was about the very "start" of the person who says: "My parents gave me their old Audi and bought an apartment, and I achieved everything else in my life myself" and the story of a man for whom buying a used car is hardly attainable by many years of work the goal, and own home - the dream of the entire conscious life, which even at its twilight may never come true.

And the fact that it is at least short-sighted to assess the degree of success of people who grew up in different cultural, social and material circles using the same measure.

The same goes for psychological status.

"Psychological start".

But the fact is that the "psychological start" of a person is much more difficult to determine than the social one. Especially without special training.

Looking at the accessible image of a person and not knowing his personal history, there is a possibility that he will be greatly mistaken in assessing the size of his life achievements.

What determines the conditions for a psychological start?

Here are some important parameters that have key values:

• Did his close environment in childhood support his independence or suppress and decide everything for him?
• Did the interest show respect for him, his life, his feelings, or ignore?
• Did the parents talk to the growing person about their love, hug, accept or criticize, repulse and reject?
• Did the family maintain interest, disposition and curiosity towards people, taught to cooperate, communicate, resolve conflicts, or paint people with negative colors, as those who need to be feared and shunned, and even hated?
• Was the growing person taught to set goals and achieve them, or interrupted all attempts to feel his ability to influence the events of his life?
• Were they taught to interact with the opposite sex, build relationships, did they show an example of love, interest and mutual respect, or did the child have before his eyes only an example of mutual claims, coldness, annihilating aggression, insults and humiliation?

And these are far from all the markers that affect what can be called "psychological starting conditions of a person."

So in order to give an objective assessment of a person in the level of his life achievements, you need to understand what his "psychological start" was.

Perhaps, from the outside, from your point of view, it seems to you that some person has not achieved anything significant and important in life.

Perhaps any of the characteristics described above seems to be some kind of banal, not important, too "everyday" and it is surprising that it can matter.

"It's just life. Everyone lives it somehow."

Somehow they are brought up, develop, grow up …

But if you could see a person's life in perspective, you would understand exactly which path he traveled.

What experience and knowledge he gained on his way.

What obstacles have I met?

Which overcame.

And what resources it actually has.

….

And, of course, it happens that in the place of an underestimated "other person" in front of ourselves we find ourselves.

• When we criticize, annoy, scold ourselves, being disappointed in ourselves, expecting more from ourselves and failing to achieve what seems necessary.
• When we do not realize what we had to "start" with.
• When we don't see our life path in perspective.
• When we forget, we do not attach importance, we ignore the conditions in which we developed and grew that deeply influenced our development and choice of life strategies.
• When we do not notice, we consider our successes and achievements to be insignificant, small and insignificant.
• When it seems to us that we are not who we could be.

Looking at the successes of other people, we criticize ourselves, demand the overwhelming of ourselves, lament the unconquered heights, blame the lack of effort. Which takes us even further away from success, joy and satisfaction from our lives.

Self-blame and trying to ignore your past is a disservice. A tree cannot grow without roots, a flower cannot blossom without a stem. To fulfill his potential and be happy, a person needs to be able to give himself an honest account of who he is and who he was. Even if the memories of the past are not enthusiastic.

And here we can say that a psychotherapist is a person who knows what paths the path of "self-recognition and acceptance" goes.

He has been walking along it himself for a long time.

And he is able to accompany other people, having the necessary sensitivity, sight, experience, knowledge and skills.