Victim. Attack. Rescuer

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

For the first time, I got acquainted with different types of triangles on a psychotherapy course. Then our teacher said that we are always in them and our task is to recognize them and go out. And then there was a task: to remember the situations in which we were victims, attackers and rescuers.

There was no escape from practice, I had to remember, no matter how difficult it was. Of course, I was more impressed by the role of the rescuer. But then, in my mind, he looked like a hero. It was later that I realized that this role has many pitfalls.

In general, I looked for episodes from life in my memory and remembered. There was no limit to my surprise: in the same situation I was an attacker, a victim and a rescuer. It is very interesting! More often than not, we consider ourselves to be the one who is more dominant in us. Therefore, we do not notice other roles.

Each of us has a whole set of tools to use one and the same roles. My most “favorites” are diseases and grievances (from victims), accusations and criticism (from attackers). The more we allow ourselves to fall into this or that role, the more we become rooted in this triangle.

What is important to understand about yourself:

Sacrifice: everything that happens to me is my desire. Only I am responsible for my life. When I find myself in a situation, I choose the path of legal whining and evasion. First, I want to feel sorry for myself, second, I don’t want to do something. These are the starting points of what I later have. For example, I walked, fell, twisted my leg and I cannot walk. This suggests that at that moment I did not want to go somewhere, do something and take responsibility for making a decision. My desire was to resolve the situation with someone else's hands. At the same time, I get an additional bonus: I have reason to blame others when something went wrong or a mistake was made.

Striker: In fact, I cannot bear the burden of my life and my own inability to do something about it. In order to somehow cope with this burden, I shift my displeasure to others. I look for their flaws and weaknesses in others, and this makes it easier for me. Again we go to responsibility. Either I improve my life and take care of myself, or I am the aggressor. Only I make the decision how I use my desires to attack. I can find out what is behind my aggression. Or I will continue to run from one role to another, from aggressor to victim and vice versa.

At this stage, we must understand that victim and aggressor are always interchangeable roles. We need to give up both of them at the same time.

Lifeguard: I should go about my life. Others have a right to how they live. Where there are two, there is no third place. When I save, I need to be prepared to become a victim and then an attacker. Have you ever met a situation when a drunken husband swears with his wife on the street? What happens to a passer-by who saves his wife? - The husband attacks him, and in the event of a fight, the wife also beats her defender. Responsibility continues. Each of us carries it for our lives. For those who need help, they ask. Do not do what is not asked for. And if they ask, provide help not to the detriment of yourself, otherwise it will be called sacrifice.