2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Several explanations for why we are so annoyed in others
Probably, there is not a single person who would not be nervous from some actions or the simple presence of other people. One way or another, rarely or often, but we are faced with the fact that something annoys us in other people, and it is quite often difficult to understand what it is and why.
Option 1.
Sometimes it’s annoying in other people that is very different from ourselves. When we rigidly hold on to some of our concepts and ideas about life, and we see a person who uses some other values, we inevitably have feelings for this phenomenon.
Quite often, this is fear. Less often disgust. Even less often, envy (although it is not so rare).
If we take a close look at what we call the word “infuriates”, we may find that we want to do that too, but we fail, or it causes fear.
After all, if other people live like this, then they have different values, and if mine begin to stagger - what will happen then?
So instead of feeling fear, envy, or disgust, we begin to feel rabid. This is a dead end. After all, we cannot get to the bottom of exactly how we would like to live.
Option 2
On the contrary, people who annoy us can be very similar to us. This can be called a projection - when we do not see something in ourselves, but notice in others. And it makes you angry.
We get angry not to understand ourselves. This is also a dead end.
Option 3
Something annoys us in other people only because of their status in our life. This often happens with loved ones. For this, it is not necessary to be in a codependent relationship, we rely on the person next to him, he is close and stability is associated with him. If this person begins to behave in such a way that does not fit into his image, it knocks the ground out from under our feet.
If we notice that he is not as decent as we thought, or not as stable and started to be late, this begins to cause fear and uncertainty. What will be next? This is not fear associated with something new and incomprehensible to us. This fear is associated with stability in our lives.
Close people make us vulnerable. Whether we like it or not, we depend on them. We rely on them.
And if we find something that we cannot rely on, we are afraid. But in order not to be afraid, we feel angry.
And the most important. Why are close people so often infuriated? These are the people with whom we spend most of our time. We have ideas about life that allow us, figuratively speaking, to coincide, to fall into the grooves.
But life is changing.
And where there were grooves, voids are formed. And we start not to fit each other. Naturally, this causes instability in the relationship. This is alarming, but we will not admit it. Instead of changing with loved ones, we often want to return everything as it was. And we are angry that the person is no longer the same as he was yesterday, even if deep down we like these changes.
Changes in loved ones scare us not because they change for the worse, but because we now do not know what to expect.
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