2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The air smells like spring. And for someone and an exacerbation of codependent love.
How great it would be if in school in literature lessons we were told that most love lyrics and sentimental novels are nothing more than the experience of the suffering of codependent love.
Let me give you an example of the most striking signs of codependent love:
💟 "Blind selection" of an object. Literally fall in love, it is worth a man to show interest in you. Or “falling into love” from a photo / avatar - even without ever seeing it in reality.
💟 The expectation from a man of instant reciprocity and reciprocal feelings, the fact that he is also crazy about you, chose and realized that this is “fate”, should make plans for the future.
💟 "I am yours forever" - instead of common curiosity to get to know each other better.
💟 “This is fate” - and collecting evidence to convince yourself and others of this: you and your partner have symmetrical birthmarks, the same pet names. These are just coincidences. Do not pump!
💟 Instant idealization of a new lover and devaluation of all "former". He is the best. To get it completely and forever, you are ready to give up what was important and imperceptibly accept what was indifferent or unacceptable.
💟 Blind confidence "the power of my love will melt his icy heart." Or "he will change" if you accidentally find something imperfect or inappropriate in your partner. As a last resort, you are ready to change and adapt to it, because you are good at it.
💟 The distance or distance set by a man knocks you out of a rut, nothing makes you happy, the soil leaves from under your feet, it becomes hard to breathe. You do not let go of your mobile phone and look for excuses for what it is doing.
In such blind love, acquaintance with a real man does not occur. A woman falls into love bypassing the stage of recognition. Considers a man as an ideal prince sent by fate, mentally plans a wedding and gives birth to children for him. There is no real interest in who he really is.
Only one question worries - "does he love me", and also "does he need me, will he marry me, will he leave me." Even if it is obvious that a man is married or does not fit in character, does not show the same intensity of feelings, disappears, he has no serious intentions - all the same, various evidences are used that he still “loves” and “this is fate”. Up to the appeal to a fortune-teller.
Codependent falling in love is instant sticking. Full merging with the object and dependence on it - like a mother and a child, connected by an umbilical cord. It is very difficult to disconnect and any attempts bring acute pain. The addicted person feels a "hole" in the chest area, which he seeks to fill with his beloved.
As in the case of chemical and mental addictions, the addicted person has little control over his actions. The choice of the object of falling in love occurs unconsciously. Virtually no choice. Everything happens in a fog.
An example of codependent falling in love can be seen in such films as, for example, "My King", "The Illusion of Love", "Loves Does Not Love".
In future articles - about the reasons for the emergence of codependent love, the choice of the object of love and how to get rid of the harmful love addiction.
When codependency is healed, a person gains the ability to choose a partner: smooth entry into a relationship, gradual rapprochement, development of intimacy and affection. All this happens consciously. A person chooses with soul, body and mind:
✅ choice by the body - according to the sexual impulse
✅ choice with the heart - by sympathy, in the course of the development of affection
✅ choice by reason - according to a sober assessment of compatibility and coincidence of life paths.
If something does not coincide, then both partners have the opportunity to soberly weigh, discuss with each other their expectations or discontent and leave the relationship at the request of one or both parties without destroying self-esteem, mental and physical health.
If you find signs of codependent love in yourself and it is difficult for you to cope on your own, contact a specialist in a timely manner for psychological help.
Where there is freedom and spiritual wealth, there will be love. Where there is attachment and mental insufficiency, there will be a love neurosis.
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