Love And Fear In The Theory Of The Four Elements

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The relationship between a man and a woman, like other interpersonal relationships, has a certain dynamics of formation, which, although it is purely individual in each case, still has some obligatory stages of its development.

As practice shows, the stage of "storm" in a relationship is an integral part of it, especially when it comes to love. And depending on how the partners survive this period, with what realizations they will come out of it and the subsequent development of these relations will depend.

To begin with, love is a very complex emotionally filled feeling that actually makes us better, heals our deepest spiritual wounds and relieves suffering. But there is another side of the coin, much more dramatic: this wonderful feeling of love can sometimes simply destroy a person as a person, inflict severe mental harm and bring an incredible amount of suffering to a person. However, everything is the same as with natural elements: on the one hand, without water, earth, fire and air, life would simply not exist on our planet, but on the other hand, natural disasters can destroy this life quickly and instantly, leaving no trace on it …

The theory of the four elements states that the primary elements of the universe are four elements (earth, water, air, fire), which are endowed with the properties of filia (attraction, love) and phobia (fear). These two opposites are the driving forces of development, that is, those that lead matter (including the elements) to motion.

The relationship between a man and a woman also obeys this law of development.

The four elements that are the “roots” of these relationships (“fire” as a symbol of light and purification, “water” as a source of life and sexual energy, “earth” as a symbol of fertile beginning and motherhood, “air” as a symbol of imagination, flight of fantasy, as well as dreams and freedom) are set in motion by the struggle of two opposite tendencies - attraction and fear. And those feelings and experiences that arise as relationships are formed are a direct consequence of this struggle. And the stronger the intrapersonal struggle between these two properties takes place, the more tension will arise between the lovers and the more the strength of the "storm" (emotional storm) in their relationship will increase.

Let's take a closer look at these two opposite tendencies.

So, philia is attraction, the need for intimacy (both spiritual and physical), acceptance, love. In its most critical expression, it is the desire to dissolve in another person, to merge with him into a single and inseparable whole. Phobia is the fear of losing your independence, fear of being subordinate, fear of losing control over your feelings and desires, fear of betrayal. The most critical manifestation is a demonstrative defense of one's independence and an inability to make close contact with another.

Sometimes the strength of the "storm" caused by these forces is so great that one of the partners (or both) simply cannot stand it and the relationship either collapses, or, as a protective mechanism, immature behavioral scenarios (including codependents) are activated, or more a strong partner emotionally subjugates a weaker one (one kind of dissolves in the other).

What, then, can be done to resist and form mature, harmonious relationships?

First, examine yourself! The chances of forming a happy relationship and successfully surviving the "storm" increase significantly when we more or less know ourselves, our strengths and weaknesses, we know our needs and opportunities, when we realize what we want to get from these relationships and what we are ready to invest in them, what they are ready to donate (if necessary), and what is personally ours and inviolable. Only when we know ourselves can we build our personal boundaries and the boundaries of our relations that are comfortable for us and for our partner. Only when we know ourselves do we realize what kind of person we need and with whom it will not be so scary, holding hands in a cozy cabin, listening to the raging sea and the waves beating against the side of our ship …

Secondly, remember that there are two of us in this relationship! Sensitivity to your own needs and the needs of a partner, respect and acceptance of both yourself and your partner, with all the "pluses" and "minuses" will not only allow you to stand on board during the "storm", but also help both to develop in this relationship, to become better and stronger.

Third, learn to trust yourself and your partner! It is impossible to trust another if we do not know how to trust ourselves, our true feelings and desires. The fear of betrayal arises precisely from the inability to trust, hence pathological jealousy, and excessive emotional dependence and other "immature" forms of relationships arise.

Fourthly, relax and do not forget that everything passes and everything changes! We do not know what will happen to us tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, in a year, or in ten … We do not know and cannot know what "surprises" fate will throw at us … But we must remember that everything that is "ours" will always remain with us, and everything that leaves our life simply makes room for something else.

Thus, the establishment of deep, real and mature love relationships is not an easy task, which, in addition to desire, also requires a lot of effort, as well as colossal spiritual work.