2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Once a woman came to me for a consultation and told a frequent story about her husband's relationship with another woman during a business trip. She was worried about the question of how to live with this now, how to relate to treason.
I will note right away that I try not to give advice, ready-made solutions, how to relate to this or that event, what to do, because it will look like the usual imposition of your opinion. My task is to give clients the skill to look for and find solutions themselves, to form their own attitude to events, to take responsibility for them. Only in this case is psychological maturity attainable. Giving advice is about the relationship between a wise parent and a helpless child, which generates dependence on constant support from outside. People who are used to such relationships based on codependency are often offended and do not understand why pay if ready-made answers are not given.
I encourage the client to think aloud, and in the process of thinking, structuring thoughts, she comes to her own insight, to a solution that suits her personally, and not the fact that it will suit someone else.
I will not delve into the motives of the betrayal and the details, I will only note that the husband convinced the woman that he loved her, denied the betrayal, despite the fact that the wife had evidence.
He said that other women did not mean anything to him, and even if there was some kind of affair, she was the main thing in his life and he was not going to part with her. The man is reliable in character, prudent, earns good money.
According to his wife: “His mistress is a work colleague, works in one of the branches of the company in another city, is married, has two children. The relationship with her husband appears to be good. I even envied her in my heart. I was seized with annoyance, a feeling of injustice, I wanted to tell everything to her husband. His phone number was listed on his social media page. I called him, it was evening, I think he was with her, his voice is happy, confident. In the background I hear her addressing him, laughing. There were no outward signs of a family crisis, my teeth creaked …
She invited her husband to meet and talk. He agreed. The next day I come to them in the city, her husband and I meet in a cafe, I tell him about the immoral behavior of his wife, show her correspondence with my husband, where there is flirtation and hints of sex (I specially made copies from the messenger). The husband was serious while reading, then he sat in silence for two minutes, thinking. Taking advantage of his confusion, I say: "Make a suggestion to your wife to end her relationship with my husband." This man's answer surprised me: “What are you suggesting to me? I love my wife, respect her and trust her, and I will not allow anyone to defile her name. That you, your life, do not have your own interests, that you are spying on others? Take your dirt and leave. I am able to figure it out without you. " To say that I felt humiliated, disgraced is to say nothing. I envied that woman that her husband loved her so much, took her side, even if he realized her shortcomings. I sobbed for a long time, got angry … And then I realized that what he said about me was true. I am too absorbed in the lives of others, and I just spat on myself. The husband of that woman clearly trusts her, understands that she loves him, they have sex, harmonious relationships, she will never leave him for another. Perhaps for her, this novel is superficial and does not mean anything, and her husband is the foundation, the foundation, your comrade in arms … Maybe it’s worth more to support your man, to believe in him, then others will disappear as unnecessary? I act like I only have him and his needs in my life. And I also want to bloom, I want to dress beautifully, travel, communicate with people, develop …”. The next week, the client confessed: “I stopped making claims to my husband, trying to control him, expose him, conflict … God, how much energy I have released, I felt for the first time that I was alive! After our last consultation, I hugged him and said: “know, no matter what happens, I still love you. I'm sorry I didn't trust."
Dear readers, what do you think about this?
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