Untimely Pregnant

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The other day I published an article "Decree and Conscience". The word “shame” has flashed several times in the discussions of the readers of this article. In that publication, it was only about the relationship between employers and pregnant or "potentially pregnant" employees, but the topic itself is certainly broader and deeper.

I wondered what this shame is, where does it come from, what is wrong with pregnant women? And here's what came to mind: pregnancy is always from someone's point of view - at the wrong time. Not when it would be convenient for "them".

Let's start with early teenage pregnancies. Starting from the age of 13-14, parents worry about their daughters - no matter how they get in touch with a bad company, no matter how they start smoking, drinking, and, God forbid, get pregnant. Their worries are echoed by the teachers - “look what happened to Ivanova - walked, walked, and walked - will give birth at 16, then she will wash the floors all her life”. Pregnant girls have always inspired fear and awe in less sexually advanced peers. Naturally, the idea is fixed that pregnancy is bad, dangerous, endangers well-being and, in general, a positive life perspective.

Suppose that it has "passed", and you are not a pregnant teenage girl, but, for example, a student or graduate of a good university. Of course, it's too early now. Parents are breastfeeding for the girl (or young couple) to get on their feet, get a profession and work experience, acquire housing, and only then “give birth to whoever you want”. And young people themselves keep this model in their heads - first to achieve social success, and only then to acquire offspring. Is it early to give birth? Well, of course it's early!

A separate song about men. A woman, maybe already “just right”, wants and can have children, but the man “has not walked up yet” and wants to “live for himself”. So if a woman wants a child, then she must give birth to him "at her own peril and risk," because a man is not yet ready to become a father (although he is not ready to give up sex either). It turns out that this time, too, the desire for motherhood seems to be at the wrong time.

Suppose that a woman is “for”, a man is “for”, but parents join: “My God, children, of course, are needed, but not from the same loser.” "Dropout", "idiot" or "this vertikhvostka", "Limitschitsa"). After all, if a child is born, then this marriage, so ridiculous, unsuccessful in the opinion of the parents of the wife or husband, becomes not just a child's game, which can be "replayed" at any moment, but a serious union, sealed by common offspring.

Well, you can imagine a situation where everyone is in favor. They walked up, earned everything they wanted, or simply didn't think too much about it, relatives accepted new family members, and everything favors the birth of children. The employer enters the scene: “we don’t need pregnant women at work,” “why keep this ballast,” “it makes sense to hire her or raise her, she will run away on maternity leave anyway”. "Well, how can I get pregnant if now in the company without me - nothing?". A woman finds herself in a position where her family plans contradict the plans of the company or the boss. And again - the pregnancy is at the wrong time.

After 25 years, doctors take the stage. For them, of course, if it’s early, then it’s bad (the reproductive system has not formed, etc.), if it’s late, then it’s even worse (genetic diseases, complications during childbirth). From the point of view of doctors (not all of them, of course), with the birth of children, it is necessary to meet the ideal period from 20 to 25, when the body is as ready as possible. At the age of 30 with my first child I was "old-born", although, psychologically, I had just "matured" to motherhood.

Mothers with many children are in a separate line. We are ashamed to want children after the second child. Well, okay, after the third. "Okay, one, two, and then where, huh?" They also say "to procreate barefoot", "give birth for the sake of benefits."There are many separate publications on the topic of large families, but there is one thing in common - mothers with many children are under pressure from society. A lot of children, it seems, should be good, but for some reason it is still bad. To avoid this pressure, you need to be a very wealthy family. After all, "they are rich, why not give birth."

It turns out that at any time, at any age, a woman can fall into the trap of an untimely pregnancy. As they say, you cannot please everyone: the husband is happy - the doctors are unhappy, the doctors are happy - the parents are unhappy … And so on. It turns out that a woman's personal decision to have children concerns too many close and not very close people. Before your pregnancy, too many “care about”, and your happiness, if you are self-sufficient, confident in your abilities, do not strive to be a “good girl” for everyone around you, and at some point you can “send in the forest” people with their opinion about your personal plans. Unfortunately, not everyone is capable of this. Of course, few people really refuse to give birth to a child to please their parents or employer, but the feeling of guilt for their “inconvenience”, shame for pregnancy “at the wrong time” are our everyday life. And we live with it.