2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
“My grandmother divorced and was left alone with a child, my mother
divorced and was left alone with a child … This is a generic curse!
I can't avoid it!” Very often I hear such repetitive
family stories about drunkenness or betrayal of husbands (various negative
actions repeated from generation to generation) from women, who turn to me for help. Damnation, damage do not have
nothing to do with such situations.
Let's reason.
In addition to the life scenario, which is determined by our life position
we have a family scenario. From childhood we learn relationship models
“Mom-dad”, “grandfather-grandmother”, “aunts-uncles”. You can be happy for the children
who grow up in an environment of love and respect between adult family members.
Most likely they will project harmonious relationship patterns into their
adult life.
Problems begin when negative patterns are repeated. Man lives
under the weight of predestination and it seems that nothing can change.
For example, a girl lives in a family where the constant betrayal of her father is a habit.
matter, even if it is carefully hidden from the child. She's on the unconscious
level learns that the behavior of the father, who constantly deceives the mother, these are the natural actions of men. A woman should be submissive, humble
accept lies and justify a man. The girl grows up and stops
notice young men who are faithful and reliable. She starts a relationship with a guy
who doesn't appreciate her and changes her regularly. It's an unpleasant relationship, but
familiar and understandable from childhood. Following her mother's example, she knows exactly how
behave - to justify him by the fact that she is not beautiful enough, slender and
charming.
The same girl can choose a different scenario. What would
no matter what, she wants to change everything and not repeat the fate of her mother. maybe
she will be able to start a relationship with a reliable, responsible man, but
they will most likely end quickly. The girl will think: “Constantly me
pulls the bad guys …"
She is drawn to the family scenario. On an unconscious level. When did she start
relationship with a worthy man, she turned on an unconscious complex
guilt towards the mother. Mother suffered throughout her life because of
her father's behavior, did not feel a sense of reliability and security next to
a loving man. The girl does not allow herself to build strong relationships.
As a result, she finds an understandable and predictable man who regularly
cheating on her.
Sounds fatal. Can't you get out of the vicious circle?
Can.
The famous American psychologist and psychoanalyst Eric Berne created
the concept of a person's life scenario.
Life scenario - a constantly evolving life plan, formed in early childhood up to 7 years old, under the influence of parents.
The family scenario contains established traditions and expectations for
each family member, which are successfully passed from generation to generation.
Life scenario - these are the patterns by which we live. therefore
the same situations are repeated in our life over and over again. And if these
internal programs are destructive, then we choose the "wrong"
partners, we build relationships in which we cannot be happy, we hate our job and can't get promoted.
The family scenario has been laid down since childhood, we learn it for the “excellent” grade,
even if we don’t remember or don’t know the parents. The main difficulty is to solve
learn the family scenario. We cannot always “count” it easily. Have to
remember what the psyche carefully hides from us for our safety
and protection.
How do I remember?
I talk about this in detail, share working practices and
exercises in my author's program "Relationships Dressed in Happiness".
What value can you learn from this program?
• Analysis of female and male life scenarios;
• How the life scenario is formed;
• Get to know your script and your man;
• See the problems and their cause;
• Learn how you can change your life scenario.
You will see a family scenario with clearly written plots, certain reactions and remarks of the participants. And you can't blindly
repeat the specified role, because observing the situation from the outside, you have a choice. You will be able to write your own, unlike
parental happy family scenario.
Of course, it is better not to do such excavations on your own.
The result may scare you.
With love and care, Olga Salodkaya
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