Wife Doesn't Want Sex

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

At the same time, in about 50% of divorces, the lack of sexual harmony in a couple is the main reason for the deterioration of relations between husband and wife. Moreover, out of these 50% of divorces, 40% will be dissatisfied with the lack of sex by men and only 10% by women. From this, some psychologists and sexologists make a hasty and incorrect conclusion that women are by nature "sexual deviators": they do not need sex at all, or they show sexual initiative only when they need something from a man: money, gifts, living together, apartments, marriage, children, careers, etc. Hence, the clichés that are offensive to women, according to which women give sex only in the first months / years of communication within the framework of the "presentation and advertising demo", thereby, in fact, deceiving men, and then pushing them with their refusals to cheat.

As a practitioner of family psychology, I think that everything is not so black / white here: there are many significant nuances in the events taking place in the family bed. Let's talk about it intelligently. Indeed, there is a tendency: After 3-5 years from the date of marriage, up to 30% of wives systematically avoid having sex with their husbands. After 10 years from marriage, about 40% of wives become “evaders”. After 15-20 years from marriage, the number of "evaders" reaches about 50%. This (including) explains the massive betrayal and departure from the wives of men aged 40-45 years. And what gives rise to sad, dirty man's maxims, like:

No matter how much you yell at her, you won't get yelling from your wife

Only after receiving cash from her husband - the wife can give him anal

For husbands and wives over the age of 45, the situation stabilizes: for men, libido decreases, their incomes and, accordingly, needs and ambitions may decrease; grown up children grow up and move out of the parental home, which allows some women to relax a little and begin to pay attention to themselves; some women begin to think about their health, strive to delay the onset of menopause by being more active in bed. But, the fact remains:

In the first 15 years of marriage, about 50% of wives

systematically denying their husbands sex

Why is that?Despite the fact that most of these women have a good education, they read books on psychology, women's forums on the Internet, they know how much regular sex means to men. Moreover: about a quarter of modern young women create their marriages with previously married men, in other words, taking them away from their previous families just at the expense of more regular and high-quality intimacy. And it must be the same: after some time, they themselves begin to sin with the same "sexual deviation", for which they themselves once criticized their predecessors, who were unable to save the marriage.

Noting the widespread prevalence of this family phenomenon, I will make a reservation once again: I absolutely have no desire to indiscriminately accuse women of sexual passivity and deceiving their future husbands, according to the scheme “just to get married”. No and no again. And since this article is intended for a male audience, I will list the entire typical list of causes of female sexual deviation in marriage. If we do not take into account the reasons directly related to the state of the woman's health, it will look like this:

10main reasons why wife doesn't want sex:

1. The wife does not want sex, since the initially low level of the woman's sexual need

Indeed, there are about 10% of women for whom intimacy has no attraction at all. Many reasons are hidden in these 10%: from physiology (low level of production of female sex hormones by the endocrine system, gynecological diseases, etc.), to the strict conservative / religious upbringing of parents (to the point that a woman is embarrassed to be naked in the light, etc.) etc.), psychological trauma associated with the topic of intimacy (rape in childhood, adolescence, etc.), even psychiatric diagnoses. But, I draw your attention to the word - "initially". Women from this group immediately, already in the first months of the relationship, indicate their principles and approaches to sex. And if a man, seeing the obvious lack of sexual initiative on the part of his girlfriend, nevertheless decided to develop relations and marriage with her (hoping for her "thaw" in the future), then personally for me, as a psychologist, he has no reason to claim to his wife: he chose her for himself. At the same time, practice shows: with a patient and attentive attitude of a husband to his wife, in at least half of such cases, a woman can still be sexually activated and achieve harmony in bed.

If a girl in the first year of relationship with this man was nevertheless sexually active, then in the event of a further decrease in her interest in this area, most often it is not physiological, but still psychological reasons derived from the specifics of the course of family life and relationships with husband. More about this in the following paragraphs.

2. The wife does not want sex, as the extremes of excessive maternal behavior are observed

I will not expand this point too much, as I have a lot of special articles on the topic of "crazy moms". Who breastfeed children under three to five years of age; sleep with children up to ten years old; they are afraid to leave the child with their grandparents or nannies, because of this they deprive themselves of communication with their husband; are afraid to go out and go somewhere; avoid guests and communication; spend unreasonably large amounts of money on such children's things that can be purchased at times at lower costs; rarely cook food for her husband; shy away from sports and gain weight, etc.

This female behavior usually reflects badly on family relationships and often becomes the basis for the deterioration of intimate life with her husband. A whole book can be written about the reasons for this particular behavior of women, because There are a lot of them: from the unwillingness of a woman to work or to have a second child, to the reaction to mistakes in the behavior of her husband. But more often than not, behind this lies the fact that the man could not achieve authority in the eyes of his wife, could not become a leader in his family. Including, for the reasons that are described in the following paragraphs.

3. The wife does not want sex, as there is a general disappointment of the wife in the existing husband

It is important to understand:

For any girl, a relationship with a man and marriage with him -

there is always a great hope for changing and improving your life

This is not about the fact that all girls want to marry only future oligarchs and presidents. And that if a man began to live in an apartment with his wife or in general with his parents (his or his wife), and in the coming years he did nothing to make the young family move to their own other home, he is at great risk of falling in her eyes and losing your sex appeal. Exactly such a decrease in attraction can be observed in women whose husbands:

- after stories about how successful they are businessmen, then they began to live at the expense of their wife, or even found themselves unemployed (who are not very eager to look for work);

- moved from the status of "promising careerists" to the category of "eternally offended and bypassed by the management";

- have become alcoholics or drug addicts (although they do not admit it);

- have become gambling addicts, all their free time playing computer games or squandering money in bookmakers (etc.).

- show complete lack of initiative in life; do not strive for anything, do not support the correct ideas and projects of the spouse;

- turned out to be dependent and highly psychologically dependent on parents or friends; incapable of making and implementing their own decisions, like weather vane, inclined to constantly change them;

- do not know how to defend and defend their own positions, the interests of their loved ones and the family as a whole;

- do not try to improve the financial situation, status, life and everyday life of their family members, for years they live according to the "I will do it sometime later" scheme.

Etc. In this case, we can state the infantile, that is, childish, and not matured behavior of men. Hence, it is not surprising that their sexually active (in principle) wives do not want them: after all, their female psychology is tuned precisely to contact with a man, not a teenager. And therefore, such men should still take offense at themselves.

4. The wife does not want sex, as there is a strong female resentment against her husband

A long-term, strong resentment that has not been extinguished by an apology, reconciliation and forgiveness, month after month, year after year, develops into depression. Depression, due to a decrease in the level of the hormone serotonin, logically reduces the level of sexual activity. In practice, strong female resentment is usually triggered by the following:

- beatings and insults from her husband;

- systematic leaving home, spending the night outside the home, threats of lawlessness;

- the refusal of the husband to plan a pregnancy;

- coercion by the husband of the wife to an abortion;

- a low level of psychological support for the wife in the event of a frozen pregnancy, miscarriage, overcoming difficulties in the first months after the birth of the child;

- systematic refusal to support the wife in her conflicts with her husband's parents (especially when living together), her own relatives and work colleagues, etc.;

- such a betrayal on the part of her husband, when he made his wife a fool, never confessing to the connection that she clearly revealed. And, accordingly, not reconciled. Or such a betrayal, when, after a statement from the husband that he broke off the connection, nevertheless, it continued for a long time, and the wife was forced to observe all this;

- treason with the infection of the wife with sexually transmitted diseases;

- betrayal of her husband with the birth of illegitimate children;

- the husband's behavior according to the scheme “a dog in the manger - I will not give it to myself, and I will not give it to others”: when the husband himself does not make volitional decisions in the family and in every possible way paralyzes women's activity in improving the life of the family;

- rigid blocking of the wife's career development by the husband;

- continuation of excessively close communication between the husband and his ex-wife / girlfriend after the divorce;

- rejection by the husband of the child / children of his wife from a past relationship;

- refusal on the part of the husband to make his life understandable and transparent for his wife: withholding information about income and expenses, life schedule, etc.;

- the husband's systematic evasion from communication with his wife, including from her hugs, kisses, etc.;

- rude communication between husband and wife, including systematic refusals to answer her calls, SMS messages, lack of gifts, flowers, cultural and leisure activities, and other signs of attention addressed to her;

- the husband's regular refusal from his wife's sexual initiatives, when the woman herself gets tired of feeling “sexually preoccupied” and ceases to be active in bed;

- the principled refusal of the husband to help his wife in everyday life and in raising children;

- the unwillingness of the husband to spend his leisure and vacation with his wife, his refusal to involve her in his projects and goals, hobbies and interests.

Etc. It is especially bad if in the first five to ten years of marriage several grievances are accumulated at once. In this case, the decrease in sexual activity on the part of the wife becomes quite predictable, and the reasons for this are valid.

5. The wife does not want sex, as there is infidelity on the part of the wife

Wives cheat on their husbands much less often than husbands, but still cheat. Moreover, the dynamics of an increase in the number of adultery by wives in recent years has become more and more. Given that cheating women most often fall in love and become psychologically attached to the men with whom they cheat, it is not surprising that “leftist” intimate relationships are more attractive than relationships with a husband. Fortunately for men, women find it much more difficult to hide the fact of their infidelity than men. Therefore, if behind the sexual deviation of wives, there is still a betrayal of her husband, if desired, it is quite easy to reveal this.

6. The wife does not want sex, as there is a lack of a single schedule for the life of the spouses

This reason for the deterioration of sexual relations in the family begins to occur in the practice of the family psychologist more and more often. The fact is that the modern way of life creates very different work regimes. Someone in a pair can work from 9 to 18; someone does not work at all; someone is a nomadic freelancer; someone works from home; someone - into the night scheme; someone - two days - after two. Etc. etc. Not aligning their life schedules, spouses lose the opportunity to spend weekends, evenings, even nights together. This is how mutual help, communication, trust, frankness, and after that sex leave the family.

7. The practice of punishment by spouses of each other with "sexual strikes", i.e. indicative deprivation of sex

When a quarreling husband and wife, instead of quickly apologizing, finding a compromise and making peace, start sleeping in different rooms or avoiding sex, sleeping in the same bed, it gradually becomes a common practice. After a year of marriage, none of the couple already wants to be in the role of "humiliatingly begging for sex", cooling down comes, and then evasion from sex.

8. Regular criticism by the husband of his wife's sexual qualities and her appearance

If a wife has gained extra 10-20 kilograms over the years of marriage, or looks out of date like an adult aunt, or, on the contrary, shows excessive efforts in the field of cosmetology, plastic surgery, vegetarianism, etc., the husband may systematically hurt his wife's pride with his caustic comments or frank ultimatums (like: if you don't lose weight, there will be no sex). In response to this, instead of listening to her husband and going to meet him (if he is essentially right), the wife can demonstratively take offense and start retaliating against him, avoiding sex. (By the way, in this case, the same basis is also visible, as mentioned above: the husband was never able to gain the proper authority in the eyes of his wife).

9. The wife does not want sex, because the husband's sexual demands on his wife are too high

It also happens: a sexually advanced husband can offer his wife such types of intimacy that she, due to the specifics of her personality or outright conservatism, cannot and does not want to accept, considers perversions. Fearing that her husband will again and again persuade her to believe that she fundamentally does not accept, a woman may gradually begin to deny him sex at all.

10. The wife does not want sex, as there is a complete lack of basic conditions for an active intimate life

This reason is very clear: if a family lives with parents, grandparents, or relatives of one of the spouses, or parents or relatives themselves systematically live with the spouses, or the family lives in cramped apartment conditions with grown-up children, (or in a dormitory with thin walls), then there is nothing surprising in the fact that a woman may begin to hesitate to show her sexual activity, will avoid sex so as not to look funny in the eyes of others.

There are other reasons why wife doesn't want sex, but these are the ones most often found in the work of a family psychologist. You can see that from the above ten, the obvious, albeit conditional, “guilt” of the wife is seen only in three points - 1, 2, 5. Points 8 and 9 are inclined to assign equally to husbands and wives. And you can see for yourself: in half of the list of reasons for sexual cooling of wives towards husbands, the husbands themselves are guilty!The problem lies in their own misbehavior in the family. In inattentive, infantile, selfish, and often frankly offensive and abusive behavior towards his wife.

Based on the real state of affairs in this matter, I strongly advise respected men:

- If your wife was sexually active in the early years of your relationship, put out of your mind the far-fetched resentment that you were “sexually deceived”: your wife is quite capable of making you intimately happier, while eliminating the reasons that you will identify and eliminate …

- If your analysis of your wife's behavior does not show even a hint of treason on her part, I advise you to eliminate reasons 7, 8 and 9. Refuse to punish each other by "excommunication". At least temporarily, stop lowering your wife's self-esteem by criticizing her appearance and sexual conservatism. Because only such a beginning of the struggle to revitalize your family sex can give you success in the future.

- If you have identified problem number 6, that is, there are obvious inconsistencies in the schedule of your life with your wife, make every effort to bring the lines of your life in line. Start waking up and eating breakfast together. Help your wife take care of her baby. Dine together, too, without TV. Find something to do in the evenings and on weekends, think it over in advance and do not skimp on the cultural program. Remember:

Communicating with your husband / wife without sex is bullying

Sex with a husband / wife without communication is selfishness and bestiality

Sex and communication in marriage should be so harmoniously looped,

so that one comes out of the other and enters the same

- If you show self-criticism and see your male mistakes and miscalculations in points 3, 4 and 10, find an opportunity to take off the mask of "the smartest macho" and apologize to your wife. Then work with her to develop a plan to work together to overcome the backlog of problems in your marriage. And be sure to do everything and achieve everything. Because everything is simple:

So that the wife sexually wants her husband and does not push him away,

he must regularly confirm that he is a man

And to behave in life and family accordingly

If the husband becomes promising, responsible, proactive, reliable, leader, kind and caring in the eyes of his wife, he can have no doubt that an intelligent wife will definitely make him happy in bed. If the wife turns out to be incredibly ungrateful and cannot give her husband the warmth that he gives her, she will punish herself, sooner or later losing her husband. But let's not talk about the sad, let's tune in to the positive. Because, usually, women are very sensitive to the slightest changes in the behavior of their husband. And the purpose of this article is precisely so that men do not take offense at their wives for sexual passivity, and do not rush into other people's arms, but reveal their own family mistakes, correct them and be rewarded with sexual initiatives from legitimate wives.

If women read the article, I hope that they will also find something useful in it. Including, they themselves will not change, they will not become "crazy mothers" and - what is very important - they will take it as their norm to stimulate their husbands to increase their activity in life and in the family, not by depriving them of sex, but, on the contrary, by improving it and increase in frequency.

Actually, that's all. I am sure that you can put all these tips into practice and this will help improve relations in your family.

If you or your married couple need help, I will be glad to give advice from the family psychologist Zberovsky on a personal (in Moscow) or online consultation (via Skype, Viber, Vatsap or phone).