How Do Parents Respond To Conflicts Between Children?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Two reasons for conflict

The basis of all conflicts between children in a family is competition and jealousy. For every child, mom and dad are extremely important. And if a brother or sister takes away parental attention, the child has a desire to remove the "competitor" or punish him.

Competing with each other, children learn to lead and obey, defend their point of view and negotiate, this is their school of life. Siblings (as brothers and sisters are called) are in a psychologically more advantageous situation than the only child in the family, because they gain a wealth of experience in relationships and conflict resolution.

Parenting is a side

Adults should interfere in the showdown of children only if a fierce struggle has unfolded between the "competitors" in the literal sense and a threat to their health and life has arisen. Fighters must be forcibly separated and, without figuring out who is right and who is wrong, to separate them in different rooms or corners.

In other cases, it is better for parents to remain neutral so as not to aggravate childhood jealousy. Children in the heat of a quarrel began to fight or make too much noise - to scold and punish both. The elder hit the younger, the younger bit the older - in no case should you scold the “bully” or pity the “victim”, but give them the opportunity to resolve the misunderstanding themselves. Then, when the children calm down (and they perfectly know how to do this without the intervention of adults), with the help of toys or objects, you can play the situation of conflict and ways of a peaceful way out of it.

Prevention of "useless" and destructive conflicts

Psychologist Lyudmila Ovsyanik recommends to parents who are interested in ensuring that their children do not quarrel on insignificant reasons and can learn useful experience from conflicts:

Provide each child with a personal space in the home. In order for children to learn to defend their borders and respect others, care should be taken to ensure that each "offspring" has its own room or at least its own closed corner (for example, fenced off by a wardrobe or ceiling curtain).

Demonstrate a constructive model of behavior in conflict situations. Children unconsciously adopt the manner of behavior and the way of resolving conflicts from their parents. How do dad and mom behave when they are angry? Let adults look at themselves from the outside and learn to find compromises and defend their interests without infringing on the interests of another.

Teach children how to “redirect” anger. A child who is very angry should be taught to let off steam on inanimate objects.

For example, you can offer him:

punch a punching bag or soft toy;

to tear up a newspaper finely;

clap balloons;

shout loudly while looking at yourself in the mirror;

push up, jump;

throw darts at the target;

dance to loud music.

Fun games to release tension help to establish family harmony:

"Fish in Hats". Senseless word combinations often cause fun, the task of the players is to come up with dialogues with logical gibberish. For example, my mother says: "Today we have fish in hats for breakfast." The child answers in the same spirit: "And for lunch we will have eggs in boots." Mom plays along: "And for dinner we will eat sandwiches with irons."

"Batogi". To play you will need two pipes made of thin foam, 70 cm long and 4-5 cm in diameter. "Playing sticks" can also be made of foam rubber: roll it up into tubes and put on homemade covers on top, preferably red.

Players must fence and fight with sticks, observing the following rules: the one who is hit freezes; the striker says: "Sorry," the victim replies: "Sorry," and the game continues. The duration of one session is approximately 10 minutes. The game develops self-control in children, teaches them to comply with the framework, reduces negative emotions, gives an outlet to aggressive impulses.

"Callouts". Children are encouraged to address each other using funny "callouts": the names of vegetables, fruits, mushrooms, furniture, etc. For example: "You, Lena, carrot!" - "And you, Yura, a watermelon!" Play helps children express their anger in an acceptable way.