How Not To Depend On Love?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

- Love does not paralyze a person's life, it is joy. This is the main symptom. Is there a loved one nearby or he flew to Antarctica for two years. He exists in the world and this is already great. Love does not interfere with pursuing a career and enjoying life. When a person loves, he becomes prettier, slimmer, younger, curly hair, eyes burn. He, of course, would like to see his beloved. But he does not stop wanting something else in life.

Loss of other interests is just what is characteristic of love addiction. On the other person, the whole white light converges in a wedge. In fact, this is the same as alcohol, drug or gambling addiction. Psychologists also call it addiction. Only instead of a drug - a living person. And if he is not around, write lost. Everything falls out of hand, the world is something blurry. The "lover" is losing weight or getting fat, but not in favor of his appearance, in his eyes - all the torment of the world, looks emaciated, begins to ache. He has the most natural withdrawal. And he does everything like an alcoholic drug addict, only to see his "beloved". Calls 50 times a day, watches at the entrance, writes letters, imposes. But the main symptom: love addiction is always pain and suffering. There is no suffering in true love. And depending on, even when the "beloved" is near, it is still pain. This is a physical attraction to an object, a desire to stick with it and not let it go anywhere and never.

If you listen to a little love song, it turns out that they all sing not her, but love addiction. Or, as psychologists say, addiction love. It is thanks to poets and writers that drug addiction has been elevated to the rank of something sublime and is considered the norm. And in terms of the intensity of feelings and dramatic turns, dependence is much more interesting. Quiet and calm joyful love, really normal, boring compared to it. Why write poetry about her? Everyone there is happy, already enviable. Although not less common. But they don't shout about her at every corner. They just love.

By the way, it is also possible to distinguish dependence on love by creativity. As a rule, both addicts and normal lovers break through to something like that. But addicts write about how bad and hard it is for them to live without a loved one, how they want to die of love, and so on. Normal lovers write about how cool they are that such a feeling has come into their lives. Do you want to know if you are in love or are sick with love? Take our test.

DEPENDENCE TEST

1. When a loved one is not around, you have:

a) Feelings of joy and fulfillment of life

b) A feeling of pain and an acute lack of a loved one around

c) My states replace each other, sometimes I want to see, sometimes it doesn't matter where he / she is.

2. How is your relationship developing?

a) we both strive towards each other

b) someone is on the nerves all the time. One waits, the other avoids. Then the other runs away. The second is catching up.

c) they are not developing in any way and I am not making much effort.

3. How does the new feeling affect your work, school, etc.?

a) it inspires me, I have more luck, better results

b) I don't need anything, everything is annoying and boring. Go with the flow.

c) everything is the same with me as usual. Nothing changed.

4. Are you jealous of your loved one?

a) well, only if as a joke. I am sure that I love

b) very jealous. I do not feel that I am completely in control of all his thoughts. I would like to.

c) a little bit, probably jealous.

5. Can you forgive your beloved everything?

a) I recognize his right to shortcomings, but there are things that I will not even forgive him.

b) this person can do anything.

c) I don't know, you need to see what exactly you need to forgive.

6. How do you feel in the arms of a loved one?

a) a pleasant gentle feeling of a loved one

b) the feeling is akin to drunkenness, I am insanely good, I would never let go.

c) I like to feel in the arms of this person.

Results:

If you chose “b” at least twice, chances are high that your feeling turns into addiction. If you have chosen option "a" three times and more often, then congratulations, you know what true love is. If three or more times your answer was "in", your feelings are not yet fully formed. Perhaps this is just love, which will either pass or grow into something.

Who can get sick with love?

In our editorial mail, many letters come from people who write about their love addiction. As a rule, the letter begins with how this scoundrel or this bitch drove our person crazy. It ends with a question, they say, give advice on how to make the scoundrel and the bitch belong to me. Only a few people ask for advice on how to recover from this obsession. After all, the most important thing that the addict is afraid to admit is that he is addicted.

But not everyone can be driven crazy like this and made obsessed with love. There must be a lot of reasons for this. We can say that there is a psychological "risk group" of those who are driven mad as there is nothing to do. This is how our consultant Mikhail Kamelev describes these people.

- These people are unable or unwilling to make day-to-day decisions until they consult with others. It's hard for them to take and do something themselves. They coordinate their actions with the environment for a long time.

- It's hard for them to be alone. In relationships, they often have latent fear of being abandoned.

- Vulnerable to criticism. And they are ready to obey other people and agree with them out of a desire to please. Because they are very afraid of rejection. Therefore, they can voluntarily do unpleasant and humiliating things. Just to please.

- They lack self-confidence, tend to downplay their strengths and dwell on their weaknesses.

- They often experience feelings of helplessness and difficulty making decisions.

- Avoid taking responsibility for their lives and their actions. \

- Most likely, they still have some kind of addiction: alcoholic, drug, food, gambling addiction, from tobacco.

In general, such a portrait of a weak, defenseless creature emerges, which also drinks, overeats and smokes, like a steam locomotive.

It is understandable, a self-sufficient person will not depend on someone.

But after all, as sometimes happens, for example, a person leads a healthy lifestyle, successful in work. He makes decisions all the time. And here on you, covered. Why?

The fact is that the personality of each person psychologically consists of a core and a facade. And it happens that the facade of the personality is so successful, cheerful, responsible, and so on. And for the time being, it rolls over. But the core, meanwhile, is undeveloped, childish. As a rule, for a long time such a person may not allow strong emotions into himself at all, because he throws all his strength into maintaining his beautiful facade. But once he relaxes …

In this sense, addiction becomes, as it were, a surgical intervention in the soul. Because after going through the pain, he kind of grows up.

IMPORTANT!

Love develops in stages. First, interest, then a bright love, recognition of each other, the awakening of passion, and gradually all this is formed into a feeling of love, where the main thing is tenderness and trust. Lovers seem to float together in a stream of love. For lovers, they are the best for each other. And it doesn't matter what they really are. Love will maintain an emotional give-and-take balance. And most importantly, love is always mutual. She is NOT unrequited. If there is no response, then this is already an addiction. Love develops the personalities of lovers. Which is also positively expressed in career, study and relationships with other people. And most importantly, that a calm spiritual feeling. The world does not collapse at the same time.

The addiction flares up immediately as very brightly. The addict does not trust the beloved, but is wary. He is afraid of being abandoned. This is nervousness, uncertainty, suffering, melancholy. At the same time, the dependent evil inwardly notices the shortcomings of the other. And in general, she is a little angry internally at her beloved. But he strives for it with all his might. To give it all. He wants to almost sacrifice himself, if only he appreciates and gives a look. Love addiction is sometimes mutual. That is, both are dependent on each other. And one day they begin to hate each other for this lack of freedom. Such a relationship does not develop. On the contrary, the “lovers” degrade together. And they blame each other for everything.