Five Kinds Of Ideal Princes. And Why Not Find Them

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-07 22:18

First type

Includes something like this:

• "Understanding". Understands a woman without words, or at least with a half-word. Anticipates her desires. Reacts to changes in her mood. If she is offended, he notices it and rushes to find out what he is to blame.
• "Attentive". It is not always possible to clarify what a woman means by this, but it is on the list of necessary things.
• "Caring". She also guesses what, where, when she needs it, and does it. Both in the little things and in the big ones. Whether she is warmly dressed, whether to close the window, whether to help her with something.
• "Problem Solver". Household, financial, personal.
• "Who knows how to praise and admire." Generous compliments.
• "Who knows how to be close." Always. Or when necessary.
• "Accepting and unconditionally loving her for who she is."
• "Together forever", "Never quit."

This is the portrait of the perfect mom. And a woman in a man is looking for what was missing from her mother (in quantity or quality).

This mother unconditionally loves and accepts the child. And this mom will never leave the child. And this mother should always be there when the child needs it. An adult may choose to partner with another adult. And at some point, he may stop choosing this partner if something has changed in one or the other. Being together is a choice, it is a will. Also, an adult has some kind of autonomous part of his life, with his own interests, his desires, and he cannot and should not always be around, he may have other plans. Adults spend time together as mutual attraction and interest in joint time, and also know how to negotiate and agree on this issue.

It is the mother who must understand the child without words, when he still does not know how to speak. Correctly determine his desires and take care of him, solve all problems, be attentive. In a pair of adults, there is such an attunement that they understand each other without words. But this is the result of their being together, not the reason. An adult knows how to communicate his desires, feelings, and voice requests himself. The partner may or may not understand. Then you can try again. The partner may agree to fulfill the request, or may not agree, this is his right. An adult is able to take care of himself and solve his problems, and, if necessary, directly ask a partner, being ready to accept a refusal.

This parents praise and confirm their love constantly. And the partner expresses his feelings as is and as he can.

All this does not negate the fact that a male-female couple needs a certain level of mutual intention to develop and maintain relationships for as long as possible, a certain level of mutual understanding, mutual attention, mutual assistance, mutual positive reflection and support, mutual expression of feelings, etc. But all this is solved through direct constructive dialogues, builds up gradually as relations draw closer and develop, and is not something that should be in the "prince" by default.

It is noteworthy that there are quite a few men who know how and are ready to be such “mothers”. They have their reasons for this, not from a good life they have such a character. Nevertheless, “ideal princes” of this type do exist. However, women who dream of them rarely choose such men as partners. Because they choose not what they want, but how they are used to. In a relationship with her mother, something was not enough, the woman wants to make up for the deficit through a partner, but chooses the usual - the same as her mother, in a relationship with whom there will again be such a deficit.

Second type

Strong, courageous, decisive, successful, earns good money, handsome, smart, knows everything, can solve all problems, leader and so on for masculine qualities.

This is a portrait of an idealized pope. An ordinary man, including an ordinary dad, may be such in some areas, but not in some areas. And it may not be so at all, it is not obliged in general. However, there are men with rather pronounced masculine qualities. This has its downsides. But women who dream of such "princes" rarely choose them - for the same reasons as described above.

Third type

Combination of the first and second. So that both mom and dad are in one. So that he earns good money and be there all the time. So that he was a decisive leader, but at the same time he understood without words and cared, prepared to eat.

Fourth type

A man without flaws, without flaws and without weaknesses. Which ones - here individually for each woman. The woman seeks narcissistic expansion and narcissistic compensation in her partner. That which has a narcissistic wound in her herself, that which she does not accept in herself, considers it “not good enough”, that which she does not want to look at in herself - she tries to compensate through a man. He should not make mistakes, he should not get sick, he should not say stupid things, he should not wear a crumpled shirt, and so on. But according to systemic laws, a woman chooses exactly what will, on the contrary, show her what she does not want to look at in herself.

Fifth type

This is an ideal self-actualizing personality, spherical in a vacuum. For women who are carried away by psychology in one form or another, a portrait of a healthy personality begins to take shape. And there may be expectations. The prince, at a minimum, must go through separation from his mother. And male initiation. And to reach a certain stage of male development according to Jung. And to make a bunch of constellations, so as for sure to close relations with all great-grandmothers. Etc.

And everything would be fine if it were not for the systemic laws. The unconscious plays an important role in choosing a partner. And a partner is chosen at the same level of differentiation - with the same "cockroaches", symmetrical or mutually complementary. You can dream as much as you like of a man who has passed separation from his mother, but the partner will be approximately the same level of separation as his own. And complete separation is generally something unlikely.