2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In childhood, we definitely knew how to love and accept ourselves completely. This means that we can do it now.
But there are obstacles that prevent us from doing this. Those. not love, not acceptance - these are learned mechanisms of attitude towards oneself.
And, in fact, you need to regain this ability. To do this, I propose to figure out how we learn not to love ourselves.
Story 1.
Masha has been playing in the sandbox for 3 years.
- Masha - her mother is calling
- What mom?
- Put on your blouse.
- I don't want to - Masha is naughty, I'm warm
- Put it on anyway, it's cool outside.
This is a story that from childhood we partially lose our own sensitivity and get used to trust other, close people, more than ourselves. The mechanism of relying on oneself, on one's own feelings and feelings creates inner support and self-esteem. But this mechanism is essentially destroyed. And very often it is in long-term therapy with a psychologist that a person learns to understand and hear himself again. From here comes trust, self-respect, and understanding. And in order to form and anchor the skills of understanding oneself, searching for all the answers within oneself, an average of one to three years of therapy is required. The result of this mutual labor is a huge resource of self-respect and unconditional self-love.
Story 2.
Masha is 20. She lies in bed and feels intense excitement. Before her eyes, an image of a strong stranger taking possession of her.
She is tied up and she likes it, she enjoys it.
Feelings of fear, feelings of shame and helplessness, and intense excitement that never leaves.
No, I don’t want to, I was raised as a decent girl
Yes, it is sexual fantasies or desires, feelings that run counter to our generally accepted values, including those imposed, that create in a person a big gap with himself and a huge share of self-rejection.
Sexual fantasies - they are like dreams - often reflect not what we really want, but wounded and repressed parts of our psyche that ask to be recognized. We were able to displace them from other parts of our life reality, but they often remain as parts of sexual fantasy.
Not all fantasies should be realized, but only those with which there is agreement within. But all fantasies are desirable to see and be aware of, because they contain important clues about deeper layers of themselves.
For example, Fantasy Machine says that she does not accept her sexuality and she has a feeling that she does not deserve to be simply loved. Perhaps the girl does not have a sense of self-worth, and therefore, in her fantasies, someone else is responsible for her pleasure.
If there is something inside that is not pleasing, then it needs to be understood more deeply and dealt with it.
A very important part of self-dislike is the state of imbalance and powerlessness, rejection of one's negative emotions and states, as well as the inability to understand each of them. For example, if a loving mother does not find an approach to her children, then she considers herself an evil and bad mother.
He begins to work with his anger, suppresses himself even more and then breaks down again, feels a sense of guilt. And so in a circle.
Of course, this mechanism also leads her to dislike herself. But she cannot understand that in her life there is a strong imbalance between her life, we pay attention to ourselves and attention to our children. Her inner understandings and attitudes made her forget about herself and consider it selfishness. And now her own subconscious mind removes all the obstacles that prevent her from simply filling herself up and recovering herself.
Often, not understanding himself at the level of his feelings and emotions, a person falls into apathy and depression, he has no energy for anything, and he cannot understand what he is feeling. And the mechanisms of habitual thinking do not at all help a person get out of such a difficult situation.
And all this is called self-dislike.
Thus, we see that the problem exists at a deeper level.
And in order to love yourself, you need to learn to understand yourself, follow your flow and rhythm of life.
Who is ready to learn to understand more, to hear their feelings, or, perhaps, to talk about their obsessions and fantasies - write to me.
I highly recommend watching a video on this topic.
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