Hide "Change If You Want Anything At All!" - About Gaslighting, Criticism And Internal Changes

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How much attention others are able to give us. Only not on the case. Now, if they supported, talked, were able to empathize in time, felt the need for help, could give a feeling of security … But no! The attention of close people (oddly enough) is more and more often directed at the complacency of these loved ones and the conveyance of unnecessary truths:

“Change! If you want to live differently - change!"

“And you think that for you in your current state, anything at all can be a chance? Change!"

“Nothing shines for you except snot and paper handkerchiefs! Change!"

In general, what is the manner of neglecting the personal space of others?

There is a certain kind of psychological abuse - gaslightingwhen a person is inspired that his way of thinking and perception of reality are not adequate, and his own understanding of what is happening is imposed.

Although, even such an easy-to-understand and long-accepted form of emotional abuse as criticism (appearance, personality, character) - this is a gross violation of personal boundaries, although it can also sound like a call for the good: "I know better from the outside", "Who else will tell you this truth?", "Yes, you are offended to hear that what am i saying! But if you need to change, should you yourself be aware or not?"

And here it is important to understand the following. In addition to the fact that slogans to change someone's personality are definitely emotional violence, it also leads to the destruction of the personality.

Change in general is a symbolic path to losing yourself

After all, it is easy to say - "change". But in order for a person to change, a serious path must be made from “ruins” after the destruction of internal attitudes, boundaries, preferences and principles to a “new building” with windows shining with novelty, open to new emotions and open doors for new contacts.

But the most important thing that is important to realize is that changes cannot occur at the whim of a third person, at the request of a certain Mr. N

From "someone else's bell tower" you can always see where there is a problem, what can be changed and in which direction to move. However, as mentioned above, someone else's edification is often the best way to stop seeing "dung in your barn" (your own problems, difficulties, worries, needs) …

What do you need to know about internal changes?

= Change is a process. Quite troublesome and usually motivated.

A person cannot just get off the couch, for example, if lying on it is comfortable, the environment is not intrusive, and the atmosphere is conducive to staying in an unpretentious position on a soft flat surface … to the toilet, call urgently, take something to chew on, etc.

Likewise, internal changes - they are possible exactly when there is a motivated need.

= At the same time, just like any “experiment” on oneself (changing wardrobe, buying a subscription to a fitness room, transforming from a stylist) - internal changes require psychological readiness. It is not so easy to “start life anew” or “from Monday I have a different life”.

True, sometimes circumstances develop in such a way that changes occur within, just due to the lack of readiness of the individual for certain events. But such changes can be spontaneous and not long-term. The effect of the so-called "Vanka-vstanka". An event happened - personality changes appeared - time passed - there was a return "to square one" …

= Internal changes should be subject to control, which can be an independent assessment of changes according to certain criteria and a daily (weekly or monthly) report on the changes occurring, or external control by a specialist psychologist.

It's like numerous stories with miraculous diets, ointments, creams that are "Effective", "work" and "I can handle it myself," but experience and practice show that it would be much easier and (attention) less expensive to just turn to a competent nutritionist to draw up an individual scheme for working on the problem of excess weight.

When a person wants, is ready and tries to change himself, it is difficult to move and do it in the right direction without external control. Quite a long time can pass without any tangible result.

Be that as it may: to change or not, to change independently or under the control of a specialist is a decision of only one person, a matter of one destiny and is very intimate

Your destiny is in your hands. Your decisions are correct - equally because they are yours.