Self-care And Indulgence: Why Are We Confusing These Concepts?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Popular psychology repeats like a mantra the motto "You need to take care of yourself!" and for some reason does not explain at all, firstly, how to learn how to do this, and secondly, how in general you can take care of yourself. Moreover, a person who is not familiar with such a concept may have a feeling that in this way selfishness and connivance are being promoted. After all, earlier in our society it was generally considered shameful to take care of yourself, listen to your needs and put your resources first. Hence - professional burnout, family conflicts, a constant feeling of dissatisfaction and "worn out", leading to psychosomatic diseases.

There are, as it were, two polarities: either you cannot take care of yourself at all, and a warm attitude towards yourself is equated with narcissism and is condemned in every possible way, or it is believed that loving yourself automatically means "I can do anything!" and self-care arises at the expense of other people. These beliefs are two sides of the same coin, and the second naturally follows from the first: any total prohibition gives rise to permissiveness as soon as control is reduced. Remember what you want instantly if you are strictly forbidden to eat ice cream? And especially you will want to pamper yourself with it when you are tired or not in the mood.

Healthy self-care is based on three principles:

1. Timeliness … In order to take care of yourself, you don't have to wait until you start to fall off your feet or get sick. You have the right to take care of yourself when you are just starting to feel tired and need a break.
2. Regularity … Taking care of yourself is a skill that needs to be constantly practiced. It seems to be woven into your every day, which means that the implementation of one "act of care" takes less time than if you tried to stick its volume for a month in one day.
3. And most importantly, she does not harm to you or someone else.

It seems to be a little easier to deal with the absence of harm to oneself: to go to workout, even if your back hurts, because physical activity is good for your health - not taking care of yourself. The concern in this case would be to find out the cause of the pain and sign up for the appropriate procedures. Eat a whole cake, because you are very upset and you had a bad day, you can also hardly call yourself taking care of yourself, because in this way you make the day difficult for your digestive tract, which, by the way, reacts with you to the stress of the past day. But an evening walk, massage, bath, hugs with loved ones and a piece of cake with tea, when you listen to your feelings and distinguish shades of taste, will very much support and give strength.

Well, so that taking care of ourselves does not harm us, it seems to be understandable. But others? How can you make it safe for others too? So that others are aware of your need to take care of yourself, and that now you need time for yourself. It is your responsibility here to inform them of this. Of course, other people will not always be happy with this approach, however, their feelings in relation to this are already their responsibility. In addition, when you announce that now you will need time for yourself, you set clear boundaries and can agree on them with another person. Thus, you no longer “steal” time from your loved one, but simply inform how much of your time you can give. Moreover, your self-care does not harm your loved ones also because by caring for yourself you are more filled with resources and can give more to your loved ones, and you set an example for them, which they are likely to follow.

You should also distinguish between the concepts self-care how to satisfy needs and show self-love and satisfaction of their momentary desires … Often acute momentary desires arise where there is no way to hear myself, feel that I need it and give it to myself. For example, I need to be noticeable to other people, to be different from them, I need someone to say words of approval and support to me, but instead of addressing my loved ones, I buy a phone of the newest model, which is due to me. and provide attention. Is it taking care of yourself? By the way, the example of a cake can be used here as well: food is often used as a surrogate satisfaction of the need for love and support.

As you can see healthy self-care format has little to do with connivance and selfishness … This attitude towards yourself is based on warmth and respect, which then spread to those around you. And egoism is born where there is no fulfillment and a sense of inner value. It is this void that we sometimes try to fill at the expense of other people, which, however, does not bring satisfaction. A sense of support arises when we pay attention to inner experiences and satisfy our deepest needs instead of superficial ones.