How To Understand That This Is Your Man? Relationship Psychology

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-15 16:05

Quite often they offer a simple way - to rely solely on your feelings (I love, I can not live without it). However, such statements are mostly neurotic desires. A person who had some kind of trauma or a difficult relationship in the family in childhood (for example, an alcoholic father, a victim mother, narcissistic parents, a cold mother figure) will enter into relationships with people similar to their parents - thus the psyche trying to close this trauma, an open gestalt, to change something in that distant childhood situation. Our psyche does not know that this is impossible, respectively, at such moments, various neurotic desires are manifested. Strong marriages are often based on the financial benefits of partners, in general on comfort (people are comfortable sharing their everyday life, they interact well with each other) and on friendship (partners communicate a lot and understand each other) and do not keep on an emotional boom, but on lowered tones. As a rule, in such families, the relationship is reliable, everything is calm and there is no heat of passion. In those relationships where there are violent passions, there is a downside - a lot of resentment, frustration, anger, misunderstanding, jealousy.

So how do you know if the man you are currently in a relationship with is really the right fit for you? Remember that all of the signs listed below are quite subjective. It is worth assessing the situation after about a year of relationship. The first year or several months will be great, you are in a merger with your partner - this is quite normal, without this the relationship may not work out. However, if you can distance yourself a little emotionally from the person and look at the relationship from the outside, it is important to be able to realistically evaluate it.

You have no doubt that this is your man, he suits you the way he is. You are capable of accepting it right now, with all its flaws (and it’s very surprising that you’re reading an article like this!).

If you ask the questions "Is this man suitable for me?", "Is this my man?", "How to understand that a man is yours?" Is an indicator that you have doubts. Of course, in the modern world we always have a choice - stay in a relationship or break up, divorce is possible at any time. Think about what the degree of your doubts? Relatively speaking, how many percent do you doubt, how much more bad than good in your relationship? There should be at least a few percent more positive moments, and this already gives you a reason to stay with this man. It is very important to be able to accept other people as they are, and for this, learn to accept yourself first. When you can accept yourself with all your shortcomings (“Yes, I am that way, it’s not always pleasant, but I’m such a person”), allow yourself to be imperfect, then you can accept imperfection and your partner.

You are comfortable with this person, he attracts you physically. Smell, body, skin do not cause disgust and rejection. Sometimes there are situations when you do not want physical closeness and tenderness at all, but in general, his body is pleasant to you, and you do not pull your hand when touched. This option does not apply to first dates - during this period, you may be uncomfortable when a stranger is still touching you. If you have known each other for some time, are close, touching should not cause discomfort

In general, you are calm and comfortable next to a man, it is easy to talk to him, open your soul, talk about yourself. In response, you feel acceptance - he listens to you attentively, he is interested in being near you. An important nuance - if you feel discomfort in something, analyze the situation, figure out exactly why there is a feeling of lack of comfort next to a loved one. You can't do it yourself - you need therapy, one consultation will be enough to identify the weaknesses of the relationship

Look closely to your partner - is he comfortable with you? Is he open to communication? Does the man really say what he wants, or is he adjusting to the thread of your dialogue? If a person constantly hides his opinion, adapting to the conversation on the go, this is, relatively speaking, the effect of a compressed spring. At some point, she will burst sharply, and the relationship will change dramatically, right up to the break in the pair. If you notice this behavior, be sure to talk to your partner - it is important that he, too, is comfortable and cozy in a relationship with you.

1. You don't have the feeling that he has to deserve me. You feel that this man is worthy of you right now - the way he is (with all the advantages and disadvantages). Learn to build relationships without demands - no one owes anything to anyone. A partner can brighten up your life, but he shouldn't.
2. You feel that he understands you and accepts who you are now, does not discuss or criticize. Sometimes situations may arise when a partner makes a remark to you, tries to point out your behavior, but these statements do not bring you pain, do not hurt you. In relationships, this nuance is very important - a person who always tries to hurt you, spoils your self-esteem, retraumatizes you, and as a result, your couple breaks up. Constant criticism of your partner, his dissatisfaction, the desire to change you, rebuild the relationship the way he wants, will not bring any benefit.

3. Your plans for the future, life goals and values coincide - for example, you both want to live outside the city (or in the city center), you want children (or vice versa). This implies things that are directly related to your life together, and it is rather difficult to do them yourself.

Nowadays, many people are in relationships, but they do not live together (this is the so-called "guest marriage"). If it's important for your partner to share common territory, you won't be able to be together. Another example - bodily contact with a loved one is insanely important for you, but he loves to sleep alone and cannot stand tenderness. Paired with this person it will be quite difficult for you.

That is why, at the very beginning of a relationship, it is very important to clarify all the nuances, sort out joint plans, evaluate each other's vision, life values. Do not indulge yourself with vain illusions - we will get married, go deeper into the relationship, and I will definitely change his point of view (“Let's do as I do!”, “Let's live outside the city!”). You will not be able to do this, and seemingly “successful attempts” will only lead to growing tension within the family - the partner will suffer, show passive dissatisfaction, and in general will be unhappy in the relationship.

In the matter of choosing a partner, it is important not only to evaluate a person, but also to figure out what is happening between you - how do you agree, how you relate to each other's pain, do you hear each other, can you share some intimate experiences, talk about your injuries (how passed my childhood, for which they scolded, what moments left a painful imprint in the mind), accept each other with this pain, trauma, peculiarities and shortcomings.

In a relationship, you need to be able to hear, understand, negotiate, give in or compromise. Ask yourself a question - how does this happen with you? Maybe you are never ready to compromise, but your partner is always ready to adjust, and in contact you both are quite comfortable, calm and cozy.

All of these signs are rather ambiguous, and not suitable for all couples. There are partners who constantly swear, quarrel, break dishes, shout - and live like this for years! From the outside, there is a feeling that they hate each other, but if you separate them at least for a day, they will miss. There are also situations when people live in pairs to a ripe old age, and when one of the partners dies, the other very soon follows him (although during life they could live “like a cat and a dog”). It happens differently - outwardly it seems that the partners live quietly, even at home the atmosphere is calm, they do not swear and talk nicely, but in reality, with close communication, it turns out that there has been no relationship for a long time, and all this time people lived together for the sake of children.

First of all, be sure to rely on yourself, your feelings, comfort / discomfort. If your relationship does not match on many criteria (you swear, it often hurts, uncomfortable next to your partner), but you feel that something keeps you close to this person, stay in the relationship. For you, this is an occasion to develop your psyche, study your psychology, understand yourself and understand what traumas keep you in this relationship. Relationships are always development, they point us to the areas that need to be worked out. If you really want to stay in a relationship, then you really need it. Work on yourself, and perhaps the relationship will change, you will change - in any case, it will be for the better. Feel like you need it - don't get hung up on any criteria, go and work on your relationship and yourself.