The Importance Of Contact With A Child

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I thought about contacts after talking with colleagues about the mass suicides of adolescents provoked by the Blue Whale organization. One of the colleagues was very worried about her teenage child and phrases often sounded in her speech: "A prosperous family", "The parents did not suspect anything about the child's intentions", "Children commit a series of acts confirming that they are ready to commit suicide for some time. "," They keep everything a secret "," Parents see them as cheerful. " Listening, I so wanted to say: “I don’t believe!”. I had a question: "What is meant by a prosperous family?" In response, I heard about material well-being and business parents … Is it really considered a prosperous family now? And what about parent-child contact? How is the relationship between parents and children built? And if they have good contact and relationships, then how can you not notice that something is happening to their child? Even if a teenager is hiding something, then changes in behavior and emotional states can be seen, but only if the parents have good contact with him, and not control!

What attracts me to bodynamics as one of the methods of body-oriented psychotherapy is that its main idea is perfect contact with others. In psychology, there are many concepts that can be called in one word - "contact". At the same time, contact can be understood as bodding, that is, the relationship between the mother and the baby, interaction and relationship, at some moments this is communication, self-awareness is like contact with oneself.

You can agree and disagree with the fact that a person develops in contact, but the individual is in relationship from the very conception. Initially, such a connection is the umbilical cord, by which the child is connected to the mother. But in addition to the umbilical cord, the child also has many different types of contact - this is nutrition, and the sensation of the walls of the uterus, and the sounds of the mother's voice, and her hormonal background, which determines mood and emotions. The child, through different hormones, feels the mood and emotions of the mother, through the blood flow and heartbeat, her well-being. This is probably the closest bond that can exist between two people. And this connection is very important for the formation of a baby, since it is the very first, almost sacred contact, which may seem the same for all babies, but is unique for each mother-child dyad.

In bodynamics, the quality of a person's contacts can be monitored in the exercise of attraction and repulsion with the hands. When doing this seemingly simple movement from the side, you can trace patterns of how a person relates to his place in space, how he takes responsibility and how he establishes interpersonal contacts. The tone of the muscles responsible for attraction and repulsion indicates how a person feels about establishing contact or defending their boundaries or their rights. That is, if it is difficult for a person to push the therapist's hand away, then his problem can be solved through teaching the skills of setting one's own boundaries. Difficulties in pushing or pulling at a certain distance from the client's chest symbolize relationships with different categories of interaction partners (relatives, friends or society). It is also significant when analyzing contact at the beginning, middle or end of a relationship. Everything is so individual that only the interpretation of the psychotherapist is more than not enough, an honest and sincere feedback from the client is needed, who independently finds his problems and looks for the most acceptable ways to solve personal problems.

Contact patterns are formed in a person until about 12 years of age. Until this age, the fundamental factor in the formation of these patterns is the relationship with loved ones, who can be parents (relatives or adoptive) or grandparents. Many of you have already heard a very common phrase: "All problems are rooted in childhood." With regard to contacts, this can be interpreted in such a way that the extent to which an adult has a high quality of life is largely determined by the quality of parent-child relationships or contact with parents in childhood. After 12 years, the child begins to form a sense of adulthood and he has the opportunity to look differently at his relationships with others and correct what he does not like.

How to determine the ideal quality of contact between children and parents? Under ideal contact in bodynamics, a relationship is established in which parents respect any feelings and impulses of the child, accepting their importance and providing support, while it is very important that parents feel good about their own and others' boundaries. As a parent, I can say that in reality this quality of contact does not work, especially when I, as a parent, react to the child's emotions with my patterns of relationships with my parents.

When parents are not in contact with themselves, do not understand the sign of their body and emotions, do not feel their boundaries and do not know how to defend them, do not know how to support themselves and express their opinion, then they cannot give quality contact to their children! What kind of contact with children and a prosperous relationship with them can then be talked about when children reach adolescence. After all, it is this age that is most sensitive to suicidal conditions. Wanting to become an adult, a teenager, having no contact with parents and not feeling support from them, feels incomprehensible and unnecessary. This is what provokes the suicide of children to a greater extent!

Looking back, I see that my relationship with parents in childhood was far from ideal, and only personal psychotherapy helps to change the quality of contact with them. Sometimes we, adult children, just need to accept parents as they are and change our patterns, which is possible through understanding ourselves, our bodies, our feelings and emotions, as well as impulses. This allows you to improve contact not only with relatives and friends, but also to improve your quality of life.

I would like to advise parents to think about how they contact their children, how they give them support, whether they know how to respect the feelings and needs of their child. After all, everything can still be corrected, but for this you need to ask yourself: “Am I in contact with myself? Can I always track my feelings, impulses and their interconnection? If the answers are negative, then it's time to think about the quality of your life, and maybe it's time to talk with your children.