He Doesn't Listen To Me

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Often parents turn to a psychologist with a complaint: "He does not obey me!" I don't even know what to say here? …

Although okay.. I'll tell you.

I have a few questions for you, parent:

1. Why on earth are you so sure that your child should always obey you?

2. You have your childhood injuries. You were brought up by far from ideal parents. Are you sure that your advice, your criticism, your views, your moral is exactly what your child should listen to? Are you 100% sure that this is not nonsense of your parents, your grandparents? Are you able to distinguish between what is useful for your child and what can really disturb his psyche? Really capable? Read books?))

3. Do you really think that you are perfection for a child, which he should deify and obey?

4. Tell me, parent, until what age does your child have to obey you? What? Up to 25? Maybe up to 50? Or for life? And how will he then learn to listen to himself? Have you ever thought that when you are gone, your child will obey his wife, or maybe a priest, or maybe a new-born Hitler? He will be ordered to "kill" he will go and kill, because you, the parent taught him exactly this: to listen to the one who is stronger. You took away from the child the right to use his brain, his experience. You took away from him the right to live his life and ordered him to live yours. Do you really think that in this case someone stronger than you cannot appear in his life and he will unconditionally obey that other? Have you forgotten what the Second World War came from? October Revolution? From the fact that a very strong charismatic schizophrenic appeared in society and took possession of the minds and hearts of those whom parents like you taught to obey the one who is stronger. You are a parent, you understand, I hope that it is you who do when you are outraged that your child does not obey you.

5. Tell me, parent, do you realize that in this your "he does not obey me" is decaying like a corpse, the age-old ill health of many generations of narcissistic parents who dug graves for their children with their own hands, depriving them of the opportunity to understand themselves, their needs, to accept their own decisions, be responsible? With this your "he does not obey me", you are trying to compensate for your own importance, humiliated by your parents. Inflate your own Ego at the expense of the child? Well, at least someone in this life you are the boss! Congratulations! At first, you take away from the child the right to think with his brains, without your help and your questionable advice, and then you wonder: "why is he such a loser, drunk, drug addict or just an unhappy person?"

6. Dear parent, your child needs your power only if his life and health are threatened by a Real (and not invented by you) danger and no more.. Although you are unlikely to be able to distinguish one from the other. At 18 he is already responsible for himself and you must teach him to be responsible for himself. But you teach him the opposite with your "You do not obey me." You are not raising a free person, but a Slave. First for yourself, then for others.

7. You read this post and are outraged: "He does not wash the dishes, he is rude and rude, does not do well at school." Dear parent, that is why he does all this, because you could not treat him as a person who should be respected. He pays you with the same coin. You taught him exactly this by your disrespectful attitude towards him, your rudeness and rudeness and your disregard for his opinion, his decisions, his needs. You taught him to eat when he is not hungry, you taught him to endure when it hurts.. That's why he is. And this is the best option, in the worst case, you just broke him and this is no longer a person, but just another social zombie that will take it out on your children, just like you took it out on it.

8. Dear parent, I understand you.. children come earlier than adulthood and maturity.. well, this happens often.. But if my article hooked you in any way, even if it made you angry or caused tears, it says one thing - your soul wants to develop, your consciousness strives to make you mature. She is looking for information to get started on the path that will lead you to conscious parenting. And if you have already injured your child, if you already understand that you did not see the person in the child, then it is not too late to do it right now. Ask your child about his desires, his feelings, provide him with an alternative choice, talking about the possible consequences. But the decision is up to the child.

9. And in conclusion: do not confuse love for a child with caring for him - this is different. For a child, your money and gifts, purchases are not love. And love is open access to the emotional world of your child. But to get this key, you have to do a very good job yourself on your own childhood traumas. Until you master them, they will possess you and traumatize your child.