2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Often people who have masochistic and / or anxious radicals in their character are giving up their boundaries.
More than once men who were both victims of emotional violence from women and who themselves provoked this violence turned to me for advice.
A person with a masochistic radical takes psychological help very hard, as well as, in principle, some actions in their own interests.
He can talk a lot about how he is mistreated, but rejects the proposed solutions.
The actions of a masochistic personality are contradictory: a person, on the one hand, is dissatisfied with relationships, but continues to remain in them even in a situation of violence, and on the other hand, he can do a lot of things that this violence will provoke. Apparently, in this way the passive aggression of the masochist is manifested.
For example, a client says that his wife "nags" him all the time, makes a scandal for every insignificant reason, and at the same time he himself can cause her anger by openly communicating in social networks with other women.
It looks like a hidden revenge for those situations when a person could not defend his boundaries, when he often had to suppress himself, put up with abuse, sacrifice his needs.
He may even feel a secret superiority that his moral character is better than the moral character of his wife, who can swear at him, be hysterical, establish her own rules. The masochist is convinced that one must endure, at least for the sake of preserving the family, so that people do not think badly of him.
A person with an anxious radical is afraid to assert their boundaries for fear of consequences and low self-esteem. Even if this is a man, he may be afraid of the partner's impulsive, angry reactions in response to the protection of his interests, rejection from her side, threats, blackmail, etc. Therefore, he chooses to abandon his interests in her favor.
What are the consequences of the constant abandonment of their needs? First of all, the development of depression and anxiety, psychosomatic disorders as a result of an increase in internal conflict.
The person is trapped in his irrational belief that "if I avoid conflict, I protect my nervous system and protect myself from unpleasant consequences."
However, this is a deep misconception: the lack of response to emotions leads to their suppression, suppression increases frustration and gradually forms an anxious-depressive state. At the same time, the partner, who has not met with resistance, tries to blur the boundaries even more, in connection with which the tension in the relationship is growing more and more.
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