2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Periodically, a person is faced with situations in which he is not chosen. Most often this happens when interacting with people of the opposite sex, who have someone else in priority. At this moment, a person feels unchosen and worthless. If we go deep into his childhood, we will see a picture in which he was not valuable to his parents, was not "chosen" by them. Not chosen the way he was, the parents preferred someone else, who they wanted him to be. Obedient, achieving success, they wanted to see him that way and chose that way, rejecting in those moments when he was different. It is possible that he was directly told "Oh, what a naughty child, we will hand you over to an orphanage and take another, obedient, exchange for another."
All this gave a feeling of being unselected. And, since for a child to be rejected is a very difficult experience, it gave rise to neurotic patterns of behavior that provide an opportunity to survive in the prevailing circumstances. The child could strive to be chosen, meeting the expectations of the parents, or choose the strategy “the parents are bad, I don’t choose them,” or even “I don’t need anyone and I don’t need warmth”.
And when in the present an adult is faced with the fact that he is not chosen, he experiences again and again this childhood trauma, most often already repressed from memory and repeats a model of behavior that was well learned with his parents.
He will adjust to the other in order to be chosen and constantly afraid of losing the one who appreciated his efforts to be not himself. He will strive to deserve priority, forgetting that in this case, they will not choose him again, but the picture that he demonstrates.
He will strive to devalue the one who did not choose him, because the assessment of a person who is not important to us cannot make it noticeably painful.
He will try not to get into situations where he is rejected, avoiding interaction with people, convincing himself and others that he does not need anyone.
He still lives unchosen, denying his need to become valuable or seeking to find someone important who will choose him, while the fact that people who are not important to him prefer him does not give much satisfaction.
The only effective way out of this situation is to choose yourself, to give yourself your own value, independent of the assessments of others. Give yourself the opportunity to be yourself, the right to your feelings and your own choices.
Recommended:
How To Stop Being Suspicious And Cheating Yourself
Every woman in her life at least once encounters the fact that it is difficult to put things in order in her thoughts. One and the same idea revolves in the head for hours, acquiring ever new dimensions and colors, dispelling anxiety or melancholy.
On The Risk Of Being Imperfect In The Process Of Psychotherapy: A Case From Practice
G., a 47-year-old woman, divorced, was brought to psychotherapy by difficulties in relationships with children who "lead an asocial lifestyle." G. is very intolerant of his "offspring", angrily criticizing them on every occasion.
Who Determines The Well-being In The Family
Recently, in my work, I have begun to use parables and metaphors more often. Any problematic situation can be expressed through a story that will symbolically reflect what a person seems incomprehensible and incomprehensible. I am often approached by people who are going through crises in family life.
What Your Pain Smells Like Or Two Wonderful Ways To Get Rid Of Pain In 5 Minutes
Sometimes inexplicable miracles happen in psychological practice. I bring to your attention one of the psychological miracles. Professor Nikolai Dmitrivich Linde in his practical work developed the method of an imaginary smell in the 90s of the last century.
Being An Adult Next To Childhood Pain
There are situations in life when a child experiences physical pain. And if what causes it comes from a hostile environment, then the reaction of an ordinary parent is simple and understandable - to protect the child. And if this pain is "
