2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
G., a 47-year-old woman, divorced, was brought to psychotherapy by difficulties in relationships with children who "lead an asocial lifestyle." G. is very intolerant of his "offspring", angrily criticizing them on every occasion. In fairness, it should be noted that G. was very critical of herself, making exorbitant demands on her life
It is not surprising that in the last years before going to psychotherapy G. suffered from multiple diseases of a psychosomatic nature. During the described session, which took place at the initial stages of therapy, G. was verbose, made many complaints, however, almost did not notice what was happening in our contact.
In the course of the story, she was very critical of me, rejecting any experiments I proposed and any interventions undertaken. From time to time she was quite sarcastic, making venomous remarks in my address. The situation described aroused anger in me, with which, given the great sympathy and pity for G., it was not possible at the moment to turn in any way. Thus, I became a hostage of the process of experiencing that I had stopped. In the next situation of the session, saturated with G.'s indirect aggression, I could not resist and impulsively, rather sharply informed G. about my anger.
My intervention was, I must confess, not very correct in form and did not contribute to maintaining contact, but rather was dangerous in the sense of provoking its destruction. However, G. acted as if nothing had happened, and there was no outburst of my anger at all. Another annihilation of such an intense reaction of mine could not but surprise. G., both in the story about her life and in her actual behavior, demonstrated her lack of ability to directly and openly deal with aggression. The session ended in a background of tension, and there was still virtually no contact.
The next meeting began with the presentation of indirect aggression reactions typical of G.. I reminded her of the events of the last session and suggested that she speak openly about the experience that accompanies our contact. G. began to present rather vaguely some claims regarding the process of therapy, never once referring to the events of the last meeting.
When I asked her to look at me (so far her gaze was directed into space past me) and to listen to her feelings living in our contact, she stopped for a minute and then said: "I am very offended and afraid of you." H
something completely new was in her voice, in the expression on her face, something very touching my heart. Her words made a strong impression on me (for the first time during therapy) - a lump rolled up to my throat, I felt pity and tenderness for G. Turning to her, I said: "Forgive me, please."
Her reaction was difficult to predict - her face contorted into sobs that lasted for several minutes. All this time, however, G. kept in touch with me.
After calming down a bit, she said that she had never faced a situation of remorse and forgiveness in her life. This experience was simply unfamiliar to her. In her model of the world, there was no room for the right to error, permission to be wrong, and therefore no room for excuse and forgiveness.
All her life, according to G., she was in the field (which, of course, she herself helped to create), irreconcilable to any opportunity to stumble. Neither her parents, nor her men, nor she herself were able to ask for forgiveness. Naturally, criticism in such a situation was one of the most accessible and, therefore, popular forms of communication with people around.
At the end of the described session, G. said that she was very grateful to me for the important experience she had received. During the next week G.managed to talk openly with my eldest son and ask him for forgiveness for the fact that she was sometimes irreconcilable with him, as well as for not paying enough attention to him. Relations with children began to recover.
At the same time, G. began to discover new, previously unknown resources in her, she developed a hobby that she had dreamed of since childhood, but was afraid of the condemnation of others due to the possibility of being unsuccessful in it. The quality of her contact with people, as well as her satisfaction with them, increased significantly.
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