2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
During consultations, I often hear from parents:
- “I'm afraid to go to school”;
- “There is a desire to throw the phone away when I see that there is a call from the school”;
- “Every day they say that she (he) is fighting”;
- "I don't know what to do, I've tried everything, nothing works."
I understand the excitement and confusion of parents who are faced with complaints about their child's aggressive behavior. But there is a solution, more on that later.
If, before contacting a psychologist, you have ruled out somatic diseases that can lead to the manifestation of aggression. We will talk about it as a reaction to the outside world.
The manifestation of anger and anger in childhood is the only way to define the boundaries of permitted communication. But when aggression manifests itself in any situation, fights and clashes occur, complaints about behavior.
In such a situation, it is difficult and scary for the "little" person, and the more scared he is, the more he defends himself, showing anger. This becomes a problem not only for him, but also for parents, friends, teachers. It is not known at what moment, an outbreak of aggression will occur and how to react to it. Being in anxious expectation and excitement, the child cannot withstand the tension and heat around him. The surrounding thus seems to be pushing him towards the manifestation of stronger aggression, at the same time, in a calmer environment, the reaction could be completely different.
The child will not be able to cope with the problem on his own. However, with the help of parents who love and support, he gains strength and self-confidence.
When solving this problem, it is necessary to take small steps, the smaller the step, the better the effect will be fixed.
First, look at this situation from a different angle, let it be no longer a problem, but a skill. Talk to your child, what is the hardest thing for him, what does he want to learn? What skill will he have when he copes with this task.
Second, make a contract with your son or daughter about what happens when he learns to cope with aggression. What skill he can turn it into. Give him time and yourself to think. Maybe suggest your ideas for skills. Important to remember, it makes no sense to use words with a particle "not". Skill is what they know how to do, not “don't do” (for example, not to fight).
Third, what will be the strength when he acquires the skill. How important it is for him. Who will rejoice with him in what he has learned?
Fourth, what can you call this skill that he wants to learn?
Fifth, what character or cartoon character can empower him? Who is his idol?
Sixth, who can help him from those around him, who will become a companion on the path of acquiring skills. How can a friend help, encourage?
Seventh, discuss what gives you confidence that the child will acquire a skill? Give examples of its success.
Eighth, talk about how you will celebrate his acquired skill? How well should it be formed? Whom will he invite to the party? How does he see this holiday?
Ninth, ask to show how he will behave when he learns the skill? You can play the roles. It is even possible to record it on video and show it to those who cheer up the child.
Tenth, to whom can he tell about what he is learning? In what form will he talk about it, what kind of reaction will he see? What will they say to him in response to his story.
Eleventh, on the way of learning, there can be many difficulties, mistakes, something remains unchanged. However, think together, what words or actions can help your child on the path to mastering the skill? What words of encouragement can you say when he shows skill?
Twelfth, think about what might serve as a reminder when he is acquiring skill. How can allies tell him if he will forget about what he is learning?
Thirteenth, how will a child thank those who supported and encouraged him when he masters the skill? Who was that? How can you thank them?
Fourteenth, who can he help with mastering the same skill, whom can he support? Talk about the way he can do it.
Fifteenth, after the child acquires the skill, think about what else he can learn in this way, what else does he want to achieve?
Explaining the benefits motivates better when the child understands the importance of a supportive relationship. Motivation to change behavior and the desire to acquire a skill is a good "foundation" for mastering it. Parents in such moments are a guiding star - they direct, prompt, explain. By uniting in front of a difficult task, the family has an opportunity to grow. And difficulties, as a rule, temper and make you stronger.
I wish you success in mastering new skills!
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