2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
When people hear about domestic violence, the first image that appears in their heads is the husband beating his wife. Yes, physical abuse is a deep and complex problem in our society. We make every effort to prevent it and stop it in a timely manner, because sometimes not only health, but also a person's life depends on strength and speed.
Against the background of horrific stories of beating, other elements of domestic violence are leveled out, go unnoticed, but they also cause great harm, where the result can be not only the development of mental disorders, but also driving to suicide. Paying tribute to stereotypes, we consider domestic violence in the “husband-wife” link, while all participants are equally susceptible to it, regardless of age, gender and family composition. Relationships "rapist-victim" can be the most unexpected: husband-wife / wife-husband; father-son / father-daughter and vice versa; mother-son / mother-daughter and vice versa; brother-sister / sister-brother; brother-brother / sister-sister and group. Therefore, I will talk about the rapist and the victim without a role binding.
Domestic violence can be expressed in:
- physical abusewhen the abuser threatens to inflict physical harm on one of the family members, and even more so when he is already taking action. The use of physical force is manifested in beating, pushing, throwing, “moving”, slapping and flogging; indoor closure, especially non-residential;
- sexual assaultwhen a family member forces him to commit any acts of a sexual nature against his will and wishes. Includes not only coercion to sexual intercourse, but also forced viewing of a video of a sexual nature; attracting someone else to sexual intercourse (watch, shoot, participate); the use of force and unspecified elements of "play" during intercourse; compulsion to oral sex and bringing to orgasm by any other means against the wishes of the partner (under moral pressure);
- psychological abusewhen someone uses insults and various kinds of humiliation of the qualities and abilities of other family members. It manifests itself in ignoring the needs for safety and caring attitude; denial of affection, emotional warmth, attention; limiting and prohibiting communication (with someone from friends, relatives, other family members); in the prohibition to study or work and vice versa, in the compulsion to study and work there and in a way that a person does not want or cannot; in group bullying (several family members against one person); the victim's conviction that she is unsuccessful, inept, untenable, ugly (especially if there are physical defects, pointing to them is a special type of psychological violence). Also, psychological violence includes various types of manipulations, the use of false or true information against the victim;
- economic violence, when a family member restricts another in the financial sphere. It manifests itself in the prohibition to work; withdrawal of money; cost control and reporting requirements for each amount spent; the allocation of money only on a "good request" or for accommodation; concealment of income and unfair distribution of material wealth (someone needs a jacket, but someone will manage; someone can go to a cafe, and someone only eats at home, someone uses household appliances, the Internet, but someone cannot).
How to know if you are a victim of domestic violence:
- you are assured and made to feel worthless (incapable, guilty, stupid, underdeveloped, ugly, mentally ill);
- you are afraid of the aggressor himself and are afraid of the consequences that may happen if you leave him.
What to do in the event of a threat of physical violence, while there is no way to get away from the rapist:
- agree with neighbors to call the police if they hear noise and screams from your apartment;
- keep keys in an easily accessible place; collect some of your own and children's belongings (including valuables that can be pledged / sold) and documents so that you can leave the house immediately, for an indefinite period of time;
- to agree in advance with friends or relatives, to whom you can contact if necessary "to stay";
- write down and remember the telephone number of the national "hot" line (0-800-500-335 or 386 mob.);
- when communicating with the police, focus on the threat to life and health, if the rapist is registered in a psychiatric or drug dispensary, if a previously convicted person - immediately report it.
What to do if you are mentally abused:
- to realize that you are a victim and the feeling of your worthlessness is only the fruit of the manipulation of your rapist. You have everything you need to resist the rapist;
- make a decision to change the situation, believe in yourself and enlist the support of other people who believe in you and in you;
- make a list of obstacles that keep you close to the rapist;
- to believe in yourself, your strength and every day to find something in the environment newthat raises your self-esteem. Friends can help.
Exit Plan for Domestic Violence:
- Make a list of all the consequences that you fear (being left without a child, losing business, housing or livelihood, physical harm);
- divide the list into blocks of help that you need: legal and legal; material and financial; moral and psychological;
- identify people-specialists who can soberly assess the situation and help you understand each of the areas (these can be both real acquaintances and consultants on the Internet);
- for each of the blocks, define your resource: what do you have; what you are missing; where can I get it; who can suggest / help / lend / direct and advise someone who can suggest;
- write down the first steps to avoid a situation of violence. Determine in which block you have more opportunities, and start acting from it. Look for information in parallel and add change steps to each of the remaining blocks;
- as soon as you see that you have a material, legal and moral resource (and if you are actively working on the lists, then the solutions will certainly be found) - act!
How to understand that a home tyrant is not hopeless:
- he realizes the seriousness of the problem and recognizes the fact that he is a tyrant;
- he shows a willingness to work on himself, learn new things, change, spend resources on changes (time, effort, money);
- it takes real steps and gets real results. Obviously, the application of the recommendations of specialists, the change in behavior in general (and not only in conflict situations), the transition to the level of dialogue and the search for a compromise with a weaker interlocutor.
- he turns to a specialist. Because "self-improvement" in this case is the aggressor's time wasting from promise to promise.
Remember the number of the national hotline for combating domestic violence:
Stationary: 0-800-500-335
Mobile: 386
If you recognize the rapist in yourself, contact a psychologist or psychotherapist, depending on the situation, he will suggest solutions.
Written for Thedevochki magazine (thedevochki.com)
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