2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The idea that adults broadcast during children's showdowns "they will figure it out, they need to socialize" supports and reinforces a culture of violence.
A child is not born with a built-in "diplomatic negotiation" function, he hits, runs or freezes in horror. If children are not helped from an early age, then they begin to grow "according to the laws of the jungle, where there are predators and their prey, and where the one who is stronger is right."
The younger the child, the more parental involvement in the "showdown" should be, gradually releasing the teenager into the world of adults, where you need to be able to act according to the situation, but having a powerful background of family support and skills to discuss and negotiate.
Children do not "figure it out themselves"; children survive and adapt to whoever hits the hardest.
Very often the question arises - what to do with such "showdown" between siblings (brothers and sisters), can parents be "fair" enough to help their children?
I, being a mother of many children, perfectly understand how one can internally be on the side of a particular child, especially if he is younger, when there are expectations from the elder, for example, that "he will give in to the little one." Siblings have a thousand reasons for every minute conflict, most of which they "rule" themselves. But often they need help that needs to be provided correctly. It is important for a parent not to take sides in the conflict, or to punish everyone at once without analyzing the situation.
It is also important to abstract somewhat from the attitude "to act with justice", and try to focus on the "OGA" scheme - reflection-boundaries-alternative. This model is relevant both for your children (siblings) and for the children of your child with someone from another family.
First step: physically stop the disassembly by standing between the children, if possible
The second step: fix the moment, voicing what is happening and reflect the emotions that you observe (so, stop! I see you will tear each other now! Wow, A., how angry you are !!! wow, I see how you are offended by M.! Yes, of course, it hurts!)
The third step: voicing the boundaries of each participant can be generalized. For example, if there is a quarrel over a toy, then you can say this: "my friends, this toy is not for fighting over it / breaking it / throwing it, but to play with it!"
Fourth step: alternative - what can be done to minimize the damage caused by the quarrel. An example about a toy, if it is, for example, one: "you can play with this toy in turn. Let's make a schedule of who plays with it when, or play in time - each for 10-15 minutes, and then change."
Fifth step: reaching an agreement. It is desirable that each child voiced that he understood whether he agrees with the alternative, if he does not agree, then what he is proposing. This step should be clarified as much as possible by each child, so that there is complete clarity that the conflict has been settled and the parties have agreed.
Recommended:
Do Not Trust, Do Not Fear, Do Not Ask! Woland's Trap
never ask for anything! Never and nothing, and especially with those who are stronger than you. They themselves will offer and they themselves will give everything! M.A. Bulgakov Do not trust, do not fear, do not ask! Here are two maxims that have inspired generations.
In The Absence Of Children In Marriage, I Believe It Is Quite Possible To Get Divorced. If You Have Children, You Need To Think Hard
Source: ezhikezhik.ru Is it possible to swear in front of a child, do children adopt parental models of behavior, what to do if you want to get a divorce, and do you need to live with a husband who yells and humiliates? Family and child psychologist Katerina Murashova reports.
Why Children Are Not Recommended, And Teenagers Should Not Be Taken To Films With A Rating Of 18+ (for Example, "Kingsman: The Secret Service")
In February 2015, the film "Kingsman: The Secret Service" was released on Russian screens. I watched it in a full auditorium, noting the large number of couples who came to the session with children and teens, despite the 18+ rating, which implies that the film may contain episodes of extreme violence, profanity and explicit sex scenes.
Do Not Believe. Do Not Be Afraid. Do Not Ask. It's Safer This Way
She sat in a chair and talked about the past week. Work non-stop, constant calls, meetings, she had a migraine attack, during which (of course) she stayed at work. She looked habitually optimistic and agitated, and at the same time tired - also habitually.
"I Have Bad News For You: Love For Children Does Not Exist As Such." How Parents Mutilate Their Children
“The youth went wrong,” the older generation grumbles. If we proceed from this message, one gets the impression that wherever we look, we are surrounded by effeminate men, “IT people” crouching in their virtual world, emancipated hysterics and girls who dream only of how to quickly marry a rich “sugar daddy”.
